Angel From Montgomery

Joan

Good for you my dear friend!!!!

I can see a book club coming!!!!

I love to read, just finished a book titled ' ravens' it was very good. Today I popped it back to the library and got my next read.

For me I am stuck in the old world lol!!

Hope the weather is not too hard on you.

Very sobering that we complain about the weather here, it really is not that bad.

Take good care of yourself and of course P.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks Duncs!!

Well diary, it seems like lots of folks are either leaving for good or pulling away from the forum these days. I need this place and probably will for some time to come. Oh well. We have got more snow and now being threatened with wind chill factors that will make the air outside feel like 21 below zero tonight. I will be up all night praying that our boiler does not decide to sh it or explode. I have been doing a lot of nervous eating today. Worry is such a f*****g waste of energy but, I am really good at it. Go figure. joanxxx

Think I should have built one of these instead of my houseboat - quite sweet ending though - not sure how little your guests are but they might like this.

http://youtu.be/dhWsPTJTL48

Both on weather watch tonight so thinking of you and your trusty boiler, I'm sure she has years in her yet but -21 sounds silly cold, never that cold here just never stops raining.

Stay warm and safe too.

xxx

Hey Joan

I'm still here in dribs and drabs ..xx

Your words are lovely and I think out of all the people on this forum you " get it " from my perspective but possibly cringe when I start going headlong into trouble again.

For us both alcohol has also played a big part in our lives and recovery in meetings and things from our childhoods..

Thing was I thought my al anon 12 step would get me through the gambling stuff but I had to go right back to square 1 again and deal with all the feelings / anger again. This I did not want to do.

I also know there are times when you've seen a lot of your dad in me with rage and harsh words . I guess that like someone said on the other side recently, they were angry that they were in counselling themselves.

I used to think "sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me" as my folks used to say the most hurtful things to me and then justify it by saying "at least we don't hit you"..so I am still learning that I have to watch what I say as I think I have. As I think I have massively underestimated the power of words.

You've always been there Joan even when you've had breaks from the forum yourself and stepped back. I'm glad that you have P as you really have found your soulmate I think..Mines Dotty :-))

(((J ))) xxx

Idea for a new group?? NASW

Lol ...Never A Stepford Wife...how's this for a first meeting ..

Step 1 ..Admitted we hated Carmen rollers and that our hair had become unmanageable .

Step 2 ..Came to believe that dismantling the white picket fence and symmetrical hedges around our house would restore us to sanity.

Step 3 .Handed over our picket fence, our beauty products , nail varnish and anything pink ...to the garbage man for burning,

Step 4 . Made an inventory of what's left in the house.!!! ( for insurance purposes )

Step 5 . Admitted to everyone including our higher power that no ..we are not having Botox, not now , not ever,or even a chemical peel.

Step 6. Were entirely ready to have life give us more wrinkles.

Step 7.Humbly asked him to remove any shoes with a heel.

Step 8 .Made a list of all our fitness DVDs with blonde women sporting leopard skin leotards with rubbish music

Step 9 .Make direct amends to the neighbours for inflicting such terrible music over the years and back shots of our a*s whilst jogging down the street.

Step 10. Continued to take personal inventory and if floral bin liners come in the house ..promptly admit it.

Step 11..Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with the fridge and all it's contents.

Step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps we text all our female friends and tell them "whoo hoo" We are cured!

Hi sister,

Hope you not too cold and ur boiler still intact.

Thank you so much for your words these days, waking up from the 'coma'..and seeing the carnge I made....poor poor souls ...xx

3rd day today...the song 'Hey Sister' keeps repeating itself in my head...any idea why? 🙂

Unconditional xx

Hugs

S x

Hope the boiler is holding up and that you're still warm. Yes, lots of folk deciding to pull back or away completely and I'm one of them. Not leaving but won't post so much as I need to refocus how I use my time. I've been using sunflower seeds (in the shell) to distract me from smoking. My sis, who struggles with weight and is also a nervous eater, has also started using them and she reports that it's helping her too so something you might want to try. Just make sure they're unsalted (though I sneak a few roasted in salted into my big bag just for the occasional surprise) as all that salt wouldn't be great for your blood pressure. Best to you for the upcoming year!

Thanks everyone. Will take some time to read and repost tomorrow.

Diary: today it was about cleaning up after the snow storm. Every bone in my body hurts right about now. Gonna take some aspirin and a hot shower. After that curl up with my book. Done for today. No gambl'in. -joanxxx

Diary: I am feeling a little low today but, have no urge to gamble on a slot machine. I'm just gonna go with the flow. I don't always have to have an answer for everything.... -joanxxxx

Hi Joan

I'm thinking frozen spit on a par with the frozen dog poo projectiles, what fun.

Whoosh - blast from the past, lovely memories of my dad's shirts in a row on the line frozen in shirt shape and carrying them inside to thaw out, everyone has tumbly driers now so you never see them these days.

Hope you have recovered from snow shovelling, thinking I will have to abandon ship tomorrow as weather is relentless here.

Sorry you are feeling low, struggling as well with my mood at the moment but your post to me cheered me up so a big wet soggy wave coming your way.

xxx

Hello Joan,

Sweetheart, darling..don't want to see u low..

Think of what you could do to pick ur mood up? Not sure what time is over the pond, but if you have snow and it's white around..get a sleigh lol and go for it with P :-)))

I would...i missed snow so much..

But i suppose it is cold there too...so maybe have a nice diner, read a nice book, have a chat and laugh with P, go to see how ur fighter rabbit doing...or just stick around here ;-))

Unconditional my sister....always close by

Stay out of trouble girl!!!! I'm watching ya 🙂

((((((((( Joan ))))))))

S xx

P.s. thank you so much for ur continued support...i must of lost my mind recently thinking i can leave all you dear souls behind.....never again xx

P.s.just seen ur post on DF wall...maybe i will take my suggestion of getting on the sleigh off lol oops..i didnt realize it's that cold ur end.....better stay inside and keep warm...hope the heating still up and running:-)) x

Diary: I feel a little better this morning. No gambling in spite of having the cash and the access. I am operating a pure will power here. I no longer ( not that I ever really did, but, it made a snappy rationalization ) believe that the slot machine is the work of the devil. Nor do I believe that the gaming industry to be the great satan. Today, I can do better than that. I can say all of those words without triggering myself and can say with confidence that I could care less about them and their games. Indifference. So much better for my heart and soul than anger and resentment. I am not their victim. I am a survivor. I have forgiven myself for being a chump for 10+ years and feel absolutely no need to forgive any of them because in my mind they no longer have any power over me. When does all this change? When do I revert back to victim status? As soon as I walk into a casino and slip the first twenty dollar bill into the slot. This is why I can never go back. Not to prove something to a devil that does not exist. Not to be a martyr but, because I have survived worse. Life is a constant trial. Nobody said it was going to be a ball. I'm just rambling today. Sort of me sitting in the locker room of my mind giving myself a pregame speech. Lol. Game face on. GRRRRRrrrrrrrr.. Ha ha ha.. In reality, I'm sitting here in a tee shirt and sweat pants. But, seriously...Like anything or anyone else I have encountered in my life thus far; the only power gambling has over me is the power I give it. No more. Not today. The only day that matters. 😉 -joanxxxxx

Diary: Got through the worst of it. A pay day weekend. Not a single penny spent on slots and I feel like I have accomplished something. Next goal is to get through next weekend. In an hour or so we will all be sitting down to a lovely roasted chicken dinner. After that a little t.v. or maybe some reading, and then early to bed. My last thought is for Dragonfly who had to abandon ship. Tonight I will say a prayer that those d**n rains let up long enough to drain her garden and get her back safely on her river. Until then I am so glad that she made it safely to shore. A good night to all us gam care'ers. -joanxxxxx

Hi Diary: Got through the day without gambling. I win! Good night GC! -joanxxxx ( good night mary ellen.... good night john boy... good night grampa.. lol!!)

Lol..looks like someone had few fookitol too many 😀

Goodnight sis and keep warm 🙂

VERY WELL DONE for going through the weekend and today g free...little by little sweetheart..you will get there..so ..just...BE PROUD!!! :-)))

S x