Well done on 85 days in free from hurting your self.
Today I understand it was unhealthy to live in my fears and my secrets.
It is very powerful an healthy to trust your self again.
To be able to get confident in your self and your new found skills.
To exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits is very powerful.
The only fight I had on walking in to the recovery program was with myself.
Get connected with like minded healthy people.
Love peace and a healthy life to you.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham
I've finally passed the 300 day mark now, not long till my 1 year anniversary . Things are so much easier now as each day passes. Dont have any triggers, feeling content in life. Specially knowing I'm not giving my money to these sites anymore. Me and husband are getting on really well now where not arguing over money all the time. During my secret gambling days as you will all know we can scrimp and not allow money to be spent elsewhere as we are fighting to recuperate the money we are losing to gambling on a daily basis. Hubby would ask for literally buttons and I would have excuses of why we didn't have it all the while sitting there depositing £30 repeatedly to try and win us money. Looking back for 12 long years we scrimped by, keeping afloat, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul., I do wish I could relive those 12 years and spending more time treating the kids instead of funding an addiction, hindsight is a wonderful thing. But going forward I can now try and put these things right and make as many memories with my kids before they fly the nest.
The 1 year anniversary is just the beginning of getting so much more motivation in your life and becoming your own best friend.
Be aware of your emotional triggers it helps you understand your reactions to people life and situations.
Feeling content and motivated in your life is being very healthy.
By us giving my money to the gambling establishment it is not in fact money it is the time you and I needed to work to get the money.
I was in effect giving to the gambling establishment all the hard work time I had done with nothing to show for it.
It is wonderful that you and your husbands relationships is getting healthier.
The arguing was all about the pains coming out that were not healed.
All of my secrets were fear based, now I do not want or need secrets in my life today.
I want to be completely free of any kind of fear what so ever, that for me is healthy.
Fear was often due to shame guilt and regret, I was still living in the unhealthy past.
When I was scrimp and being cheap indicated how much I did not value myself.
Trying to get some thing for nothing was unhealthy for me.
One thing came to light in my recovery was that by using credit cards and not paying them back in full I was paying 20 - 30 % more for my living costs.
So in a working week I had to work many hours more just to pay off the interest.
How much I value myself today and my healthy clean time.
Thank you for your sharing.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham
@gadaveuk Hi Dave, thanks for taking the time to write in my diary. Glad your doing well also. You are spot on with everything you say. It amazing once the clouds have cleared how you can see the damage you have created.
320 days gamble free ?? next month is the biggy of a whole year.
Today really put it in to perspective, my washing machine died and I was able to go and purchase a new one. Previously I wouldn't even have my bill money so to be able to just go online and spend £300 on a new one without all the stress that goes with when we are gambling. I mean of course I'm not happy I've had to spend it but happy I've not had to run to family for help and to bail me out ??
Wow can't believe I'm now 524 days gamble free. Its been a while since I came by, life has just moved forward and gambling is now literally a thing of the past. Strangely don't miss it either. Finally got my life back now ?
@secret well done secret that’s a nice chunk of time away from it. I am currently at 333 days but dealing with a lot of stress at the moment but some times that’s just life and we get on with it and stay away from gambling.
Wish you well
dave101
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