I never imagined I would find myself in the position I am in right now. I have been sports betting for 7 years (since I turned 18) and only recognised that I had a gambling problem around 18 months ago. I have made attempts to quit in the past but have always ended up undoing all of my hard work by relapsing. I am 25 years old, still living at home with my parents and have been with my girlfriend for 10 years now. We have spoken recently about saving money for a house deposit, and I feel that at this stage in my life, if I can't stop this addiction now, I stand to lose everything that matters to me. I feel like I have wasted the last 5 years of my life, which to be honest, feel like they have all merged into one complete blur. It would be an understatement to say that the road to full recovery will be difficult, but I really want to put an end to this addiction for good before it's too late. I have gambled online for years and have accounts with every online bookmaker you can think of. I had a spell where I closed down all of my active online accounts and felt so relieved and optimistic that I was finally taking back control of my life. That was the last time I tried to quit, but with so many new bookmakers joining the online market, it wasn't long before I just completely lost control again and opened a new account. Before I knew it I was back fuelling the addiction, causing more devastating consequences before I finally zoned back into reality and could come to terms with the extent of my actions. This time I am determined to make every change I possibly can to contribute towards kicking this addiction for good and feel that this is a good way to help me track and document my progress. I don't usually like to discuss specific details, however, to put things into perspective, I have turned over in online sports betting stakes just under£1,000,000 in 7 years which makes me feel sick to my stomach to even think about. I have lost tens of thousands of pounds during this period and have lost thousands of pounds in single sessions lasting no more than a couple of hours in the past. When I reflect on my previous betting activities now, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt, to think how much money I have wasted over the years and how much of a difference that money could have made to mine, and so many other people's lives. It's easy to sit and dwell on the past and fall into a deeper state of depression, but from today I need to stop looking back on my mistakes which I can no longer influence, and start looking forward and planning how I can put things right in the future to change my life for the better. This is the start of a new chapter in my life, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that this one is different from the last. It's time to turn the page and regain control of my life. It starts now!
Hi.....I'll just say this....You have one massive thing on your side, and that is your relitvely young age.
As you say you need to stop looking back so don't beat yourself up about the thousands gone, you can't turn back time. Concentrate on the future and all the many great years you have infront of you, and they will be great years without gambling in them.
Everything has a beginning, just like your gambling did. Well let today be a new beginning.....Best of luck to you....I wish you a happy life!
Thank you. It's appreciated.
My last gambling activity was on Saturday 24th October 2015. I am already feeling like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and feel relieved to finally be standing up to this addiction for good. This is the same feeling I experienced the last time I tried to quit. It's up to me to make sure this time, I do everything I possibly can to avoid slipping back into old habits and routines. I will share my experiences and document my progress on here every couple of days. The journey starts here..
HiARB,
Welcome aboard,
Sending you strong and positive thoughts to kick this self destructive addiction into oblivion where it belongs.
Best wishes
Suzanne xx
Good luck arb! I echo the first comment about your relative young age, you've done the right thing and I just wish I had the same thought 9-10 years ago myself.
Good Luck bud!
Day 4,
I've been coping really well so far. I'm off work this week, which in the past would be a time when I would typically gamble more than usual. I haven't had any urges to gamble at all so far but have been feeling quite down and depressed over the last couple of days. I think that having time to myself this week has given me an opportunity to really self-reflect and analyse my current circumstances. To look in the mirror each day and be unhappy with the person I have become is really hard to deal with. I had never really suffered with depression before gambling became a problem. They form such a dangerous combination with gambling affecting depression which in turn further fuels the addiction. I'm hoping that by tackling the addiction, I can regain some sense of self-esteem and feel mentally stronger and happier with who I am. I need to try and have a more positive outlook on life but it will take time for me to transform all of this negativity into positive thoughts and actions. I know that I will experience many highs and lows throughout this recovery process but I'm only just truly beginning to appreciate how unhappy this addiction has made me and how I have changed as a person over the last few years. This addiction absolutely shatters any sense of self-esteem or self-worth which you may have felt beforehand. I know that further down the line things will gradually become easier, I will become mentally stronger and hopefully I can find happiness again. That's what I want more than anything, I just want to be happy again.
Thanks for your words of support GT.
ARB you're doing fantastic. Just keep going. Keep the faith. Rome wasn't built in a day... it's one brick at a time and it takes a while but suddenly a brick an hour turns into a wall a day and a building a week and a town in a month and a city in a year... I think you get what I'm saying, Twisted Wheel - Keep the faith.
Day 8,
It has been a few days since my last post as I have been pretty busy this weekend. I've managed to get through the last few days without any gambling thoughts or distractions at all really, until today. This was my first mini test if you like in terms of having to avoid gambling temptation. I was out at the local pub earlier where they've had a new gaming machine installed (similar to the FOBT machines in bookies). Now, I've never really had any interest in gambling on machines or casino type games in the past, I'd rarely put a couple of quid in a fruit machine but that was it. However, today I felt a strong urge to have a look at the machine, which may have led to me putting money in (I noticed they had roulette, poker, slots etc). Fortunately I managed to ignore these urges and avoid temptation which I was really pleased about. I've never really felt urges to gamble on machines like that but I think because I haven't gambled for a week it set off alarm bells in my head as an opportunity to gamble which I no longer have online since I blocked all of my accounts. I'm glad I managed to pass this first test but understand there will be many more to come. I'm hoping I can remain mentally strong enough to control these urges and stay gamble free. Overall, happy with how this first week has gone and optimistic for the future.
ARB90 you're doing fantastic.
keep it going.
Day 16,
I had intended to post more frequently than every few days but I have had plenty to keep me occupied recently and have a busy few weeks ahead at work which can't be bad as it will help to channel my thoughts away from gambling. I have been coping better than I imagined I would. Of course I've found it difficult some days, feeling down and depressed, but when I step back and look at the bigger picture, there are real positives, things to look forward to and remain optimistic about moving forward. I have only recently started looking at my finances in depth as I didn't pay as much attention to it as I should have done when gambling was taking over my life. I'm not exactly in a good financial position but I'm aware that it could have been a lot worse and I am putting plans into place now to get my finances under control which shouldn't take as long as I feared it might. My girlfriend and I have entered the very early stages of looking for our first home which is exciting and something to look forward to. It also provides me with the added motivation to stay gamble free and keep managing my money sensibly so we can sort something out as soon as possible. I already have a completely different outlook on so many things now and feel I'm in a much healthier mental state than I was just 2 weeks ago. I am of course still in the very early stages of my recovery, but overall I am so pleased with my progress and how far I have come in such a short space of time. It makes me wonder where I could be in another 2 weeks time or 2 months time now I don't have this horrible addiction holding me back. Onwards and upwards. The future will be bright 😀
Day 21,
I can't believe how quickly the last 3 weeks have gone. With each day that passes I feel more and more determined that this time I'll kick the addition for good. I'm doing my best to make sure I stay busy and keep myself occupied to prevent myself from getting sucked back in and it has been working well so far. I've had the occasional urge to gamble but have done well to stay in control and ignore them rather than act upon them. My next target is to reach the new year gamble free and I may treat myself WHEN (and not if) I get there. I should also be debt free by around February next year which will be a great milestone in my recovery which I can't wait to achieve. I still have the odd 'down day' but overall I feel like I'm in a much happier mental state now than I was a month or so ago. I WILL stay free from gambling.
Welcome to recovery 🙂
Great work with the self excluding & I hope you have made loads of additional changes so that this time, you don't falter! Great to see you feeling calmer already...Weather the storms because bad days are just normal life (something we don't experience a lot of when gambling) & @ least on those bad days, you are still a winner by choosing 'no' 🙂
Keep on turning those pages - ODAAT
Day 29,
My first month gamble free has flown by as I've had plenty to keep me busy. On the whole I haven't had too many obstacles to overcome so far and when I have felt the urges to gamble I've managed to control myself and avoid acting upon them. I refuse to be held back in life by this suffocating addiction any longer and am optimistic about what the future will bring with gambling no longer being a part of it. Finally starting to get my life back on track.
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