Back from the Brink

Survived another day, but still very worried about possibly having to face up and confess all. I might have no other option - I’ll probably find out in the next few days.

Day 249

Feel uncomfortably more relaxed today (if that makes sense). Can’t rest on my laurels - but need to get through the next week. So far, I haven’t been asked to provide permission to access my Credit report, nor have been asked to disclose any info. There was a search on my Experian Credit File yesterday, from Experian themselves which appears to be a fairly regular occurrence anyway - but nothing from any outside organisation. One of too things will come of this (a) I confess all or (b) An even bigger incentive to put this right.

Day 250

Milestone reached and happy with this achievement. Feeling a little better although still very very wary that things could very quickly turn on their head. 

I’ve had some very fanciful ideas of going hell-for-leather and ridding myself of CC debt next year - first time in 10yrs. It’ll take a superhuman effort though.

Anyway, breathing a little easier but absolutely cannot afford to relax.

Day 256

Breathing a little easier now, but absolutely cannot get complacent. I’ve been saying this for years but need to rid myself of this debt once and for all. 9 credit cards, want to get 7 cleared in 2020. 

Day 262

Crisis of a few weeks ago starting to pass now - still can’t help but feel there will be a sting in the tail somewhere.

Never been so determined to stay gamble free and get these 9 Credit cards paid during 2020.

We like that determined spirit ! keep going Michael35

Best Wishes

Fiona

Forum Admin

Day 272

Really testing times with my kids at the moment. I need to keep my emotions well in check. Parenting is not easy, at any age.

Day 280

Easing towards Xmas. Gambling thoughts a world away now. Working hard to pay whatever I can off the Credit Cards at the moment, which isn't easy during the Christmas period. Whatever extra cash I'm making, whether it's On-Live surveys or Ebay sales goes onto the Credit Card - I'm aiming to make 1 payment from one of these sources every day, and so far I'm succeeding. But such is my mindset shift during the last 280 days ago, that an Ebay sale for less than £5, the proceeds of which go onto the CC, I now see as a minor triumph. How different it was when 281 days ago, I placed around 15 consectutive losing £100 BlackJack hands - at which point registering with Gamstop. I've made around £100 in the last 3 weeks completing 100's of on-line surveys, the same amount that I threw away in the blink of an eye 9 months ago. It's scary to think how my mind has (and probably still is) wired up.

Day 293

Heading into the New Year with some good news for once. I won’t have a huge tax bill at the end of this month - confirmed by the tax man, and overtime is available at work for at least the next few months. I also have a considerable amount of backdated pay owed which I should have in the next month or 2. 10 credit cards to pay - reckon I can get that down to 2 or 3 by the end of the year. Onwards !

Mich,

Thats great news. Very positive.

Keep going you're doing great.

RR

Hi Michael,

I have read your diary and can see that you have similarities with me, sorry to hear of your recent lapse, it is a horrible feeling.  As you say you have done it before and i'm sure you can do it again, I think the most important thing for us is to remain on our guard everyday against this terrible insidious addiction which can pop up anytime.  I like you am working all hours to repay my debt and wish you best of luck my friend.

Good luck my friend.

Harry

Day 313

With the help of Gamstop, staying gamble-free has been the easy part. The hard part has been dealing with the financial mess that this has created. Ok, generally manageable, but a long slow haul towards paying it off. 1000's of hours of time wasted, and 1000's of hours of time worrying about it over the past decade - I'll never get this back now. But the worry continues, granted, a little less every month, and again, I have a plan to pay off the CC debt by next year.

And of course, the big question about speaking to my OH about this. I almost did a few months ago, but that was because I was almost forced by circumstance. That didn't happen, but circumstance again might dictate that I need to tell her during the next few days or weeks. This might have a direct effect on my OH's career/promotion prospects - so you find out not only has your husband been gambling, he's ran up some debts, and he's effected your chances of a promotion you've worked so hard for. This thought terrifies me.

It was almost 11yrs ago, 6months into a binge gamble, when I confessed, she was obviously very unhappy, but relieved I'd told her. Since then, I've gambled on and off, mostly off (around 80% being long-term GF - I've been GF for over 1 year on 3 occassions, and nearly 4 years on another), but I've somewhat binge gambled through the remaining 20%. Extra hours of overtime and work since then 10yrs have pretty much covered the losses so I'm almost in the same position I was 11yrs ago debt-wise, or at least I will be in a few months anyway - and with a much better means to pay off. This however is scant consolation.

Again, as I've alluded to in the past, our home life is settled, both kids are generally happy and settled in their schools/colleges. My OH and I have a good solid relationship, 21 years of marriage and as strong as ever. I scared to rock the boat, and I don't want to risk losing this. I've managed for 10yrs and strip out the gambling days, the other 80% has been generally great.

I know what I'd probably choose to do, the same as I always do, bottle-it, and plod on. Although, this time, there's a good chance I will have no other option but to tell.

Day 324

So pleased I joined Gamstop. Very, VERY bored at the moment. These are the days where I’d be tempted in the past  to have a dabble, but I guess that staring at the ceiling is preferable to that.

Anyway, at least the good news is is that the 1st credit card has been paid, and by my reckoning, 2nd credit card should be paid in 2 weeks and the 3rd by the end of next month (only 7 more to go).

Dear @michael35,

first - congratulations on 324 days gf. That is an enormous achievement, you should be really proud. 

Boredom is a big trigger for most people, this is why it is important to be prepared and plan ahead. This is the fun part of recovery - experimenting with new, positive hobbies and activities so you know what you can keep yourself busy with or enjoy doing rather than gambling or staring at the ceiling.

Congratulations also on being so close to clearing your credit cards, it sounds like you've been very disciplined financially as well. Just to keep yourself safe for now, it might be an idea to give the cards to someone else for a bit, or until there is a need to have them (or one of them). And if you are planning to close them once paid off, all the better. 

Keep up the excellent work and please keep posting to inspire others and to help you keep the focus, especially this far into your journey.

Wishing you all the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Day 332

Things are picking up a bit. First of all, should be getting some back dated pay by the end of this month, which means that 2 more credit cards will be paid (only 7 more to go). Also, I’ve applied for a part-time on-line job, for which I’ve got through to the exam stage (to be sat this week). If I can pass the exam, then I’ll have something to fill my time, and help to put my finances back in order. Anyway, back to the revision !