Back to basics

Morning Phil,

Thanks for your post, pleased to see you have recovered from your works do, and that you are staying strong and focused.

Have a great gambling free day

Suzanne xx

Very good of my boss to tell everybody in work about the works do and now the story has evolved and lads were telling me I was sick all over the director, which didn't happen! I was glad to get yesterday out of the way and now just today to go and then things should calm down. It has at least put me off drinking which will allow me to focus on my diet for longer and hopefully reach the target I have set for myself.

I've been doing a lot of research into my planned trip to New York, all my life I have had dreams and goals and missed most of them because I chose a bet. I need to do this, I need to save hard and have an amazing holiday in 2015, I need to show that I can do it and for once get some enjoyment out of my wages. I have 9 months to save so I am going to go for it.

Had no thoughts about gambling which is brilliant, long may it continue!

Just home from the football, it was a cold and wet night, but we won so I'm happy! I also won because I made the right decisions tonight. I went with a lad from work and on our way to the ground he saw a relative inside the bookies as he passed. He went in to speak to him and I waited outside and didnt even look inside, I don't want to see what goes on in those places anymore. I'm stronger now than I was determined to fight hard.

I have now got to sit up till 2am and then go back into work for a few hours. I have also been advised by the director to write a letter of apology to two girls who I may have splashed on Friday when I threw up, I had no idea I did that until before so I now feel even more mortified. So just been and bought a couple of cards and boxes of chocolates to give to them.

17 days without a bet looks good considering the mental state I was in 18 days ago. I have learnt a lot this year and I need to build on it and ensure I deal with the urges better. Right now I'm feeling really positive and after another counselling session I feel I'm at a turning point and making the right choices. 2015 can be a brilliant year, I go into it in a much better position than I did 2014. Off to work shortly for a later start than normal, no urges and no bets today!

Great work BA, glad the counselling is going well, stick at it. I got a lot from it and hoping to get some more.

My problem was I didn't talk to ANYONE about my feelings, it became apparent about 2 mins into the counselling! I would guess the vast majority or CG's have the same problem.

As my counsellor said, my brain has been thinking a certain way for all my adult life, don't expect to change in a day. You'll still get the urges at some point and still have anxieties but learning to talk and cope with them will help on the way.

Day 18 and just about to leave to go to work, I am really dreading today, its got so dull and boring in work lately. Most of the lads in work think our department has got it cushy, maybe we have, but I wish I had more of a challenge, something that got my mind going and a lot more demanding. Will be glad when ten comes so I can finish and look forward to two days off.

My funds now are seriously stretched and I only have enough left to go to the match tomorrow and have a couple of beers. But I get paid next Tuesday so I will be ok till then. Still feeling really good on the gambling front and whilst I'm confident I won't slip up next week, I also hope those horrible urges don't come back.

A stressful afternoon of shopping is done and now I'm chilling looking forward to the match tonight. Its freezing outside, windy and wet so I hope its not a dull nil nil draw later. I was thinking back to last year when I was either skint from gambling, working or had nobody to go with. So despite this year ending with some up and downs I guess I can be thankful that firstly I get Fridays and Saturdays off so I can go to the match and secondly I have met a few new people so I always have somebody to go to the game with.

On the gambling front there isn't one right now, I can honestly say I have no urges at all. But Monday is the day before payday and the start of a potential change in mood. But being positive I feel in a much better place and able to fight off any urges, I also feel they won't come because I've had such a big change in mood and because my counselling has been a help.

Shopping over Xmas has always been a struggle for me, gambling to try and pay for any presents, and ending up with none, borrowing from peter to pay paul.

Sounds like you're starting to enjoy life a bit more which is great, keep it going!

Awful match last night, winning 1 nil against ten men and decide to sit back and defend and as a result concede a late equaliser. My pint even tasted dodgy and I had a moron recognise me and come sit with us. 90 minutes listening to his rubbish was almost as bad as the match! We didnt deserve to win, so I guess we have got to take the point and build on it.

My Saturday started with me in a bad mood, but I'm calmer now. Went down to make breakfast and my dad has two racing papers open on the racing pages on the kitchen work surfaces. Theres no point speaking to him about it as he just says its his house and he doesnt really care about my problem, he just thinks I should have a small bet instead of giving up. But I'm trying to avoid knowing what racing is on and whilst I tried to ignore them it was difficult to do so whilst making breakfast. I avoid going into the living room because he will often have the racing on, but he doesnt usually have the racing papers strewn all over the kitchen. A friend of mine has a few problems and blames her dad for them all. Now theres no doubt my problems were started by my dad and he has been a big part in wrecking my life but I have to say I've never been angry or bitter against him. However if I ever have kids they certainly won't be given money for the 2p slots or taken on days to the races like I was growing up.

My Saturday is now going to be spent chilling out and enjoying the sport, especially the darts! Also some reflecting needs to be done and some planning for my work on the 2015 challenge and for my trip in September.

Three weeks without a bet today and its been my calmest three weeks in a long time. Mentally I am feeling much more stable. Get paid this week but don't feel it will be a problem. December is going to be a tough month, I'm going to be really stretched financially, but I just need to focus on Januarys pay when my debt repayments are much lower. Three more days in work till I have a couple off for Christmas. Long days though as I have to go in early! No thoughts about gambling, not interested!

Hi Phil,

Well done on 3 weeks, and strong positive post.

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne. Last night in work a lad came up to me, one of our drivers has given 3 tips out and they have all won, would I like to know his next tip. I didnt need to think about it, just said straight away I'm not interested! I'm not letting people in work influence me and sidetrack my recovery, don't know how many more times I need to say I'm not interested before the penny drops.

Anyway I am still feeling really positive, another early start in work today and a long day. Its payday tomorrow and I have none of those horrible urges. Have a day out with the lads from work to look forward to on Wednesday. Things are getting better!

Hi Phil,

So pleased things are falling into place and getting better, and your post is sooo positive, well done, and I have every faith in you taking over the 2015 challenge, you will do great, I for one will be joining you in 2015 to keep starving that addiction,

Well done Phil,

Take care Suzanne xx

What an amazing feeling to wake up on payday and be able to come on here and post that I do not have a single horrible urge to gamble. No more secrets and lies from my family and the last of a debt repayment today. Don't get me wrong, December till the 28th of January money will be incredibly tight but its just about getting by, I will be in a much better position when I get paid in Jaunary. The old me would have thought a solution to my lack of funds this month would be to have a punt. Well the old me can f**k off! No bets for me today, no urge for a bet, moneys safely in my mums account and I she is making all my repayments for me.

Great to see the turn around in your life! From depair to real hope and acheivement! Well done mate!