End of.

It started off with a bit of fun. Played fruit machines, lottery tickets, scratchcards and fixed odd machines. I racked up a degree of debts and loans. Now I have hit rock bottom and just want to start over. I think this may be able to help? However, I am not sure if I can do it alone. I need to draw the line somewhere, except there is no line, it's invisible. How did I get here and how am I going to get out, it is such a shame I let it get to this. I feel that emotionally I am unsociable in every way. I have read about the seven deadly sins and I have fullfilled nearly all of them. Gambling is a sin.

Well done Stoppa,

You've taken the first step. Take as much help that is on offer to you. I have not gambled for 24 days. I will regularly sign in on this forum and draw inspiration from reading other people's diaries, and look to follow their good advice. GA Meetings and Counselling is other avenues of help that can be used in your recovery process. Remember you are not alone.

My gambling habit is based more using online facilities (Casino, Footy matches, etc.). So I have installed blocking software to stop the urges. It is difficult with the Fruit machines as they seem to everywhere. My advice would be self exclude from all your local bookies, and although extreme you would require a loved one to take over your finances.

This process will be long and at times difficult, but if you just keep telling yourself you can't win ever. The times you do actually win is just merely you, I and others simply borrowing money from the bookies. The fact you've mentioned losing 50K would re-enforce that fact. I've easily gone through 25 to 30k in my time. I can't ever get that back. Its in my past. The road to recovery as a new day and a new life for all of us.

Take care

Taffyash75

The rush I received from playing the 'betting terminals' was immense. I thought I was a smart gambler; after a win of 500 or so, I would have a break then go back a few day later eager to win. I cannot be beaten, therefore I always chase losses which leads to having nothing left. I have to give up gambling completely I believe. That means no more lottery or anything that makes me dream about winning.

Stay string Stoppa , would definately suggest some Gamcare help and counselling get you through the early stages

It is pretty clear that the gambling industry is trying its very best to make confident people become 'nobody's' to add insult to injury the television companies advertise gambling as a social thing and actually it is very solitary. Another thing is 'who is the gambling market aimed at?' If it isn't children then it must be adults however, the government knows that the children are being neglected whilst their parents have a flutter and lose all the cash. It's disgusting, I know I am to blame for my losses...But frankly the government has done nothing to protect us.

Well,

Day 1.

I went to my bank today, I have 40 left. I decided to withdraw it and give to my missus. Now I am completely broke bar 5 .

I never wanted to wake up today. I have a massive headache, took 2 painkillers. Still snivelling around. I will get myself straightened out.

I CANT EVER WIN. NEVER.

Day 2.

The way I feel isn't good. The weight of all the years, journeys and money I have sqaundered is on my shoulders.

Hi stoppa,

Stay strong stay focused, it will get easier as the days build up, we cannot win because we cannot stop, but we do win everyday we abstain, and everything else will slowly fall into place, keep going,

Best wishes Suzanne xx

stoppa

in the words of the honorable Smiler who welcomed me to this amazing place on my first day here,a day where I was truly broken by twenty years of feeding a progressive addiction

BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

each day you do that by making a choice to gift yourself recovery.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Day 3.

Woke up with feelings of guilt.

Someone once said to me, the problem is; 'there is no problem'.

Don't think it's true however, it is a great way to forget about the mess.

Just to add,

gambling was a means to get more money, the thing is I ended up with NO money...At least 1 thousand times...Pity I never learned...Looking back, I can see the 'fun' from playing the game...However, it turned me into something else....I viewed everthing differently..Funny how the world changes when seen through the eyes of a compulsive gambler.

Hi stoppa,

The longer we abstain and maintain the reality of the fake world of addiction fades.

Because believe me me gambling is just self destruction.

Your feelings to keep abstaining will get stronger, as long as you keep abstaining, it is worth everything you want from from life, to continue gambling will eventually destroy everything about your life, keep strong positive and keep going.

Suzanne xx

Day 4.

Thanks for support, means a lot!

The deep and down feelings are becoming distant. Now comes the challenge...The rest of my life!!!!

FOCUS!

Day 5.

Started to do a slow jog with my son.

I feel much better.

Have to be really strong to beat this. Never want to go back, never.

Stoppa.

Day 8.

No need to gamble. Beat this rotten addiction once and for all. Glad the services available are continuing to be more accessible. Looks like the UK is in a mess with gambling addiction, just like USA, Australia and other developed countries.