Hello everybody,
Hope everyone is doing well! Just to say I love the new look a lot easier to see your previous posts ect! But this also revealed how many times I have tried to stop, which is dissapointing! Every time I have failed before I feel because I never wanted to do it enough, I have made a promise to my self to see this through this time as enough is enough!
It is 521am and I cannot sleep! I set my alarm for 3 so I could move money about and I have used that as an excuse to gamble as today is payday!! I just can't seem to stop, no matter how hard I try! Blocks are in place but I always find somewhere new!
To be honest I don't really know where to turn it what to do, my debts are all post day loans totally over 3k due to gambling. Feel like I'm stuck in s rutt and figured gambling may be able to help tonight, not actually thinking that gambling is the reason I am in this state! This cannot carry on, my plan is to really give this 110% and become gamble free! All your experiences really have enspired me to do this and kick this draining habit. Thanks for reading!
Martin
Fella the doors of recovery revolve again, I would have wanted you to walk back through to share how great life is in recovery, but alas that's not how it works too often.
It doesn't matter how many times you walk through the doors of recovery, it is about learning each time you do.
Again your post this morning could have been torn from many days in my active gambling life, the false dawn that gambling was going to fix my financial woes.
It was said by a much wiser fellow than myself that repeating the same event over and over expecting the outcome to change is the definition of madness, in our case words that are profoundly true.
We all live by the same mantra, I cannot win because I cannot stop whilst active.
For me put your debt to one side, do that by stepping off the gambling roundabout your on, embrace recovery.
It costs nothing but your own will to commit to change.
Speak with your debtors, arrange a repayment schedule that you can afford, stick to it, learn a valuable lesson.
Honesty is the gift I enjoy most from my own recovery, the ability to stand and face what's in front of me rather than run the other way.
Your blocks are only as strong as you make them, addiction will capitalise on weaknesses, it will like this morning kid you into believing in the bul#l #s #hi #t it whispers in your ear.
The debt you have is a symptom of addiction, debt is not the cause of your addiction.
Address the reason for your gambling.
Bottom line is with recovery you really do have nothing to lose.
Keep posting fella, take all the help out there
As I wrote good to see you back, all be it for the worst reason, addiction controls your life again.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
You do have something to lose
Its the belief that tomorrow you could win that jackpot
It could be your lucky day
There are down sides to not gambling but they are so small compared to the reasons for continung to gamble that today i know i need to stay gamble free
hope you get there. sure you can learn from reading others posts and their suggestions
my pitch hit is asking have you considered counselling or GA meetings?
Speak to someone from Gamcare for more details. You can give them a quick call
Thanks Duncanmac and triangle for your kind words! Well done Duncan on 516 days that is truly inspirational and on reading your diary amazing to here that you have abstained for that amount of time, I can only dream at this point but if I stick to the Motto 1 day at a time they hopefully will soon add up!
I have considered counselling before and actually attended but my addiction got the better of me and it never succeeded!
I feel like I am out of control! Any money and I mean any (even if I only have £10 available for my lunch ect!) I will still gamble in the hope to make profit! My mind is obviously not wired correctly as to be honest it is what my mind thinks about constantly, it is really draining actually, and now when I'm writing this out it now all sounds ridiculous! What a waste of my really hard earned money!!
I hope I can really do this for myself this time! I am 30 this year in October and would love to give myself half a year gamble free for my gift!! That's goning to be my ultimate goal!
I know I must start with 1 day at a time! So today is day 1 and as I wrote that I'm scared! I will come back here when I get urges to gamble and put my thoughts into my diary!
Thanks again everyone and good luck 🙂
Get yourself to regular GA meetings, maybe even twice a week, they are very important and focus your mind. Check out my diary if it helps.
Its hard work mate, but worth it, good luck and keep at it, remember, one day at a time.
Whats your local area by the way?
Hey Trotty12feet! Thanks for your comments. I don't think I can do this myself so will definatly need some outside help! I'm in Stirling area, Scotland. I know of a few that I have been given before so will put in place as soon as possible.
thanks again!
Hello friends,
Hope you are all well!! Day 1 of gamble free martin completed! I'm going to be honest, which I have got to be, I would have deposited if I had not self excluded! I feel ashamed and disappointed! But the GOOD NEWS is I never! I need guidance as I don't know his long I can keep up self stamina!
Day 2 here I come!!
Well day 2 has arrived.
The urges are very very strong!
It's almost as if my mind is making saying it's the right thing to do! It's crazy! I have resisted and all blocks are in place so nothing can be done anyway but I've never went longer that a day without some form of gambling be it scratchcards or online slots.
Going to read over a few of your diiarys today to relate to how I am feeling now.
Hopefully the will reduce throughout the day!
Thanks for your support! And hope everyone else is doing well!
Hi Martin
I have just read your posts and freshly created my own diary too. I can relate to you very closely mate. I have a similar problem with the payday loans too.
Well done for coming on here when the urges hit bad. That's what I have been doing too to keep me on track. With regards to the payday loan companies, send them all an e-mail stating that you are in financial difficulty at the moment and arrange for a payment plan. They will send you e-mails requesting your affordability and will settle a re-payment plan.
You can do this mate.
P.s Stirling is a beautiful part of the world (God's country)
SierraJuliet
Hi everyone! I have been absent from here yesterday due to gambling £45 on Wednesday. I am ashamed.
I read over my diary tonight and the support from everyone that has taken the time to write to help me, and I chuck it in thier face! I am sorry for that.
I have spoken to my friend tonight who has said that I am using the "addict" term for an excuse that I can not stop. I can hear myself say this and I think she is right.
Today, I am on day 2 (day 3 tomorrow) and determined to do it. I have no money as my partner has taken all monies as clearly I cannot be trusted, I am just glad I still have a wage left. (£45 is usually £450 on payday).
I am truly sorry and all your kind words for everyone has made me come back here when on previous attempts I would have never came back for about 6 months.
this time I have got to do it 🙂
Keep strong, most gamblers have relapses. Its not an excuse, it just happens. One day something just clicks, I can't explain it it just does. Your day will come.
Get to GA and get support from like minded people.
That fact that you realise you need help, means you cannot be beyond help.
I don't think anyone succeeds the first time they try to give up. Try again and put as many blocks in place as you can.
Martin_b_1 wrote:
Hi everyone! I have been absent from here yesterday due to gambling £45 on Wednesday. I am ashamed.
I read over my diary tonight and the support from everyone that has taken the time to write to help me, and I chuck it in thier face! I am sorry for that.
I have spoken to my friend tonight who has said that I am using the "addict" term for an excuse that I can not stop. I can hear myself say this and I think she is right.
Today, I am on day 2 (day 3 tomorrow) and determined to do it. I have no money as my partner has taken all monies as clearly I cannot be trusted, I am just glad I still have a wage left. (£45 is usually £450 on payday).
I am truly sorry and all your kind words for everyone has made me come back here when on previous attempts I would have never came back for about 6 months.
this time I have got to do it 🙂
Its incredibly difficult to understand this addiction. I suffer from it and still i don't always understand it but i'm no difficult than a cancer patient who doesn't understand how their body is being ravaged.
Hope you keep getting help Martin. Don't give in.
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