Boxing Day 1

Thanks ODAAT - I appreciate your comments and I am delighted with the programme I've just downloaded for free 🙂 Just need my best friend to set the admin password for me when she comes round on Weds and I will be sorted as she has already set the password on my phone so I cannot access the daft sites 😀

Yes - enough is enough - it was Christmas day when I last gambled and I thought how sad it was that I was gambling on Chrsitmas day and I remembered I was gambling at the same time last year - so decided it was time to stop. I am certain now I can't cut down or control the level of spending - I've tried this many times and like yourself I realsied we have to quit altogether ! I am very determined at the moment. I am trying my best to remove the money and the opportunity so that even if I have a moment of weakness I can't feed the gambling monster. And absolutely - I cannot cancel our holiday - not an option at all. I'd never forgive myself.

Clare

PS ODAAT 149 days for you I see .... o*g that's about five months - wow well done you 🙂

Thank-you 🙂 With about 3 decades of gambling under my belt, if can do it, anyone can...I only wish I'd let Dr Google in on my dirty little secret years ago - Sites like this have been an absolute lifesaver! Your back up plans are a brilliant idea, I surrendered my bank card to my partner (the shame of having to ask for lunch money) just so should I slip I could not do much damage. Now you know what you have to do, you will be surprised @ how quickly your days add up - ODAAT

Wow - 3 decades bloomin 'eck! I think you are doing brill and it is interesting you still use the site - do you feel it helps to keep checking in on here ? I tried another site first on boxing day - but when you posted it took hours for your message to show. Glad I found this one it is much better. I don't want to surrender my bank card as it really is only online slots that are my biggest weakness so if I can block them I'm sorted !? Right ? Well fingers crossed. I can still go to bingo to play slots but that is more of a conscious decision and I am usually able to apply enough rational thought to avoid these - plus I have family to look after and therefore luckily it's not an option to nip off to bingo whenever I feel like it :D. Do you have control of your bank cards nowadays or are there still things in place to avoid access to money? Yes - I really want the days to add up !

Clare

Clare, I come here to both learn from people walking in my shoes but also in the hope that I can 'pay it forwards' as without other peoples stories, I would not be here in recovery.

I do have my card back now & a few weeks ago, for the 1st time ever, I withdrew money & was not scared...This has been the highlight of my journey. My partner continues to monitor my accounts & I am now past the planning to gamble & beg for forgiveness stage so although I don't have this block in place as such, having him so close to my finances remains a deterrent. Aside from being stronger now & realising how much better my life is without the guilt, the 2 biggest things for me now are:

1) I am scared to restart my counter! I don't want to go back to Day 1 & let everyone who is rooting for me down!

2) I don't want to fund anymore shops to drag other people into the miserable hole I have been in (& my mother still is).

There is talk that we compulsive gamblers must quit all forms of gambling but our recovery is bespoke & I have continued to chuck the odd pound @ the lottery as well as buying the odd scratch card. Initially my partner questioned this & concerns are that 'we' just replaced one form of gambling with another but this is not my poison & for me my gamble free days are all about fruit machines/fobt's. I did however turn to the computer @ 1st & furiously played extremely addictive free games but I made sure I stuck to ones with limited lives! This has passed now but there is the distinct possibility that I come here too often - I will take this over gambling anyday 😉

As long as you retain control in the Bingo & don't start finding excuses to go more often, I would continue to do so but I have an idea that the professionals would take a different stance!

Stay strong & next time you find yourself picking up to go online & do more damage, come here & look @ your number getting bigger, that Holiday awaits you - ODAAT

Hi Clare,

Your first days are going so well! I have fallen off the wagon already!! The online slots are what feeds my addiction so I will be following your diary all the way hun! Well done for putting all the blocks in place and have a goal so heres to the summer of 2015!

Keep posting 🙂

Day 5 - Feeling down and snappy like I've lost some money - but I have not gambled at least.

Maybe it is post Christmas blues or something. Maybe it's because I've been food shopping with the kids and hated myself for the things they wanted to put in the trolley and I had to so no more than I should. £300 debited my current account yesterday (which I spent on gambling Christmas eve/Boxing Day). Now I am debating whether I can justify going out for a bite to eat to celebrate New Year tomorrow evening. I probably shouldn't but as I have already got a baby sitter organised and I feel I am doing well not gambling, I really want to go out.

Nice to hear you have your debit card back ODAAT. I think I may do something similar next month when I get some money. I want to draw out 'spare spending money' and then give my bank card to a friend to look after. I have to keep putting blocks in place as I know fine well there will be moments I cannot resist the urges. The sooner I get my friend to set a password on K9 software the better too. It will then be virtually impossible to gamble from home. Oh except... just thought... my daughter got a netbook for Christmas! I must install blocking software on that too !!!!!!

I think I will avoid the bingo and any form of gambling altogether. When I have been before it has always been a trigger to come home and spend a fortune online. Best I stop altogether as i have proven to myself in the past I cannot control the amount of money spent when I gamble. I always find a way to get more money too even when I have run out - (increased my overdraft three times in December). I thought about using the slots sites to gamble pretend money, but what is the point? I actually detest all those so called 'addictive' crush games etc people seem to go mad for. They do nothing for me - I have no interest whatsoever. It is purely the thrill of winning money that gets me interesting in playing the online slots.

I think it is a fair point that you make ODAAT about not wanting to reset the counter. I don't want to ever reset that counter. Maybe I am naive to think that - but I am going to give it every bit of willpower I have got. Can I keep it up long term though !? Who knows - let's hope so. Is your mother interested in using a forum/giving up her gambling?

Thankyou for your words of encouragement - it really does help and barney2909 you really should look into the idea of removing temptation either having zero access to any funds or blocking all gambling websites. I am now wondering if I did the right thing cancelling my debit card as it could be Monday before I get a new one... but my friend who knows everything is helping me out with drawing my money from her account after I have transferred the funds online - I still have things like diesel to buy afterall.

I will keep posting and hope to pass on any things I find work for me as it may just help someone else in a similar situation 🙂

Clare

Hi Clare,

Well done on 5 days, I hope you mood has lifted, one thing I have learnt about recovery is my moods and feelings change like the weather, it is a normal process especially at the beginning, just push through the negatives because the positives soon come back.

I don't know if you read about the triangle that is used on here, but it does work,

Time

Money

Location

If you take one of these away, it makes it impossible to play, it is such a good barrier to use.

I wish you well on your recovery, one day at a time is the best way to cope especially at the beginning.

Stay strong, positive and focused and you will win everyday,

Best wishes

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne and thanks for your support.

I am feeling ok - just irritable and it isn't really because I want to gamble. It is tiring I think as I still wake up every morning wondering how much I lost last night - (even though I have stopped; gambling is still at the forefront of my mind).

I will try to stay positive and coming on here is a real help and it is great when people like yourself are still on here supporting others even though you have stopped for so long. Well done! How many times did you try to stop by the way before you managed 246 days?

Clare x

Hi Clare,

About 5 years ago I tried to stop, but it's only worked since I joined this forum last April, before the forum I guess I was in denial even though I needed to stop, this forum has been a godsend for me, it has not been easy and it still isn't at times, but I can't go back, at the beginning, no you don't want to gamble, but the mood swings come and go because your mind has to adjust, to abstaining, it does get easier, but then when you have spare cash( even though I have heavy long term debt through gambling) the addiction creeps in in different ways.

I call this journey a rollercoaster ride and I have not fell off I just hold on tight, when it gets bumpy lol.

You seem to be determined to keep stopped, if you really want this, you can/will do it, by the way, have a good night tomorrow, I am also going out and see the new year in, or even better see this horrible year out.

Suzanne xx

Hi Clare,

Despite many years of 'bad' (including me paying her bills & holding my breath each month waiting for her standing order to come through & clear) & her not having a 'pot to pi$$' in, Mum does not believe she has a problem with gambling 🙁 I have tried everything but the only way to be strong enough to quit this is to recognise you have a problem & be determined to do something about it!

I'm not sure if your bank does it but I was able to reduce my daily cash withdrawal limits on my card if that helps you? Or possibly more importantly given your poison, people have scratched off their security codes.

Given that you have come so far & everything is planned, I think you should go out as treat, otherwise you will feel resentful & as you are experiencing the mood swings in these early days are vile enough without added discomfort.

I think it is a wise choice to abstain completely given where 'controllable' gambling has led you. & forever is a long time but I think, yes, we can - ODAAT

Hi Suzanne/ODAAT (btw just worked out what ODAAT stands for!)

It is really good to hear of your success with stopping gambling and the help this forum has given and still gives you both.

I too have been in denial about my gambling and to be fair I have always kept it reasonably under control over the years and hence I have always believed I can control my spending. Looking back, it is only really the last 4/5 months of 2014 where I have run up the seriously big debts and it has caused me most concern; before that I was still wasting a hell of a lot but it was more my money rather than borrowed money from credit cards/bank.

I'm glad you have mentioned the mood swings are a normal part of the early days recovery process. One minute I feel so happy - especially when I look at my financial furure and how many things I can afford to save for whilst at the same time being reasonably comfortable on a week by week basis - it gives me a buzz. I've realised that since I started my job three years ago, I haven't enjoyed a single wage without gambling a large proportion of it away. But then I am back to being snappy like I have gambled away a fortune or something. (Lost a tenner and found a fiver.. but it doesn't quite mean much to an ex gambler!)

I guess I am worried about when I get my hands on 'spare cash' in the new year and when I am back at work when I used to use gambling to relax and 'enjoy me time'. Hopefully I will still be able to stay strong and following tips/advice from you guys.

Thanks Suzanne I will go out tomorrow - going to have a nice Mexican meal then back to mine for a few drinks - got my best mate staying over so i will be safe from drunken gambling binge, plus I don't have access to any gambling sites once she has set the password on K9 software :). I truly hope you have a wonderful time too seeing out 2014 and welcoming your first year totally gamble free YEAR - I'll join you in a toast to that!!

Sorry to hear your Mum doesn't admit she has an issue ODAAT, that must be bloomin' hard considering your involvement in this site and knowing lots of ways you could help her. Yes - until you finally admit you cannot control it and you MUST quit, things will not improve. I must say it has taken me years to get to the point of opting for a 'complete and permanent ban' but I am so optimistic for the future now. I have taken your advice (thank you) and I will be handing over the envelope with my new debit card to remove the CVV from the back - I am getting my friend to do this as knowing me I will 'unintentionally' memorise the thing!

Here's to a fab new year - are you out to celebrate ODAAT?

Clare x

Weh hey - my counter has rolled over to 6 gamble free days 😀 First 6 gamble free days in several years !!

Day 6 and I will stay strong !

Check you out 🙂 Way to go 🙂

OH busting a night shift so I will be in watching the festivities from the warmth of my living room, comforting our pathetic dog who is not exactly partial to the din of fireworks 😉 Gone are my days of traipsing into Town to negotiate the crowds & pay probably more than double what it usually costs to get into a club! But more importantly, gone too are the days of traipsing into anywhere to 'just have a little play'!

Feeling very positive today 🙂 As a rule, I stay well away from New Years Resolutions (I mean seriously, I'm a gal, what chance do I have of giving up chocolate) but this coming year is going to be different & I'm looking forward to resolving to continue to choose no - ODAAT

Well done Clare - your doing great and will get there! 😉

Hope the mood swings subside soon and you can concentrate on being you again and focus on you and your familys happy, gamble free future....and the holiday! oh how sad am I looking forward to getting new windows and door fitted, lol!! We plan to go back to Florida in October 2016 so I guess thats my long term goal, but I think we need to concentrate on the shorter term goals first and the number of days, weeks, months gamble free will rack up before us 🙂

Remember for tonight, put all this to the back of your mind and let your hair down - you deserve it! We will face 2015 stronger than 2014 and we are all determined to get our lifes back on track and kick gamblings a**e into touch!!!

Happy new year!!

Mel xx