Day 50
Decent enough day. How better to spend my 50th gamble-free day than watching my son's team win 6-0 - even though it was torrential rain. So a fairly decent, if not wet day.
I feel proud of my achievement so far, and although I've had a few rants, this forum has been an absolute god-send. I've promised myself to post every day and through doing so it's given me a vehicle to vent my feelings without the worry of repercussons.
I've had tremendous encouragement and support from you contributors and I can safely say that your posts will (thanks GettingThere) have saved me thousands of pounds !
During the last week of 2, and thanks to some of the posts here, I've re-focussed, concentrating on my own well-being, rather than spending every waking moment trying to pay off debts. If I can tackle the next 50 days, with this focus, and some renewed energy, then I cannot see any problems.
Sitting here with a bottle of beer - cheers.
And a virtual cheers to you too!
"your posts may have saved me thousands of pounds" - perhaps you could change the 'may' to 'will'?!
And what a superb way to celebrate your 50 days - I can't think of any better way that to watch someone you love having a great game whilst experiencing the extremes of weather conditions that our lovely country has to offer!
Well done, now for the big 100!
GT
well done on getting to 50 stop worrying about money. they dont take cc in heaven enjoy life:)
Day 51
Spent the day fixing bikes - we're off on holiday next week with the wife and kids, and we'll be taking the bikes with us. I must say, gambling did cross my mind for some reason this evening, but nothing more. Got to be careful here as debt is cleared and credit starts becoming available again. 51 days is great, but I've achieved 500+ days without a gamble before in the past, only for the wheels to fall off spectacularly. Can't become complacent now, at 100 days, 500 days, 1000 days - in fact, ever.
Hi Michael
well done on passing the 50 mark, im on day 34 now looking forward to my first milstone
Enjoy the holidays, hope the weather improves
Stay strong
Jed
Day 52
Every month I check all my accounts to check that we'll have enough to last the following month. Wish I hadn't, because it's suddenly came home to me how much of a financial mess I'm in (not as bad as 50 days ago though). Ok, we have enough to (a) Go on holiday (b) Pay min payments, but little else. In some ways, it's good to have a measured reality check every so often and it's a chilling reminder of how you can ruin your life in a couple of hours on-line. I haven't missed a payment on anything yet and I don't intend to in the future.
It's at times like these that I try to picture myself in 5 years time. With a happy, healthy family, and a stress-free life, unburdened by debt. Although I've been told not to focus on the debt, I know that it won't pay itself off without a concerted effort, but I'm trying to do it in moderation at the moment, and not letting it impact on my health of family life.
What really matters is that you HAVE made progress. Any progress that you make, no matter how small, is brilliant!
And keep it up!
GT
Day 53
Positive thoughts today ...
Starting to get snowed under at work, which is a good thing - the days are flying. We're doing some critical project work at the mo' which is good stuff. There's also a huge upgrade project just around the corner as well with trips to the US possible, so opportunity there to show my worth. We have the knowledge and skills in some key areas there which makes it hard for them to make us redundant so nuts to it.
Meanwhile, at home, my wife's been a minor spending spree, which she's fretting about because she thinks we have no money. So I've told here to stop worrying - we have enough, and we do - just.
Opportunities I feel might be coming my way and I want to get myself in the picture - so here's the plan.
1. For once, work my nuts of at work to get where I think I should be.
2. Get myself back in shape, cycle, run, hit the gym. Do a marathon in 3hrs by next year.
3. Get these fr*gging debts paid off. As I've alluded to before, they won't pay themselves. I know where I want to be and most definately is not where I am now - I know how I'll do it, and I will.
4. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY.... and this is biggest challenge. I want to do the above 3, with no detriment to my own well-being and the well-being of my family, including my relationships with them. So this means that I will no longer waste time and procrastinate and I'll make a clear distinction between what is family time, rest time and work time.
There's 144hrs in a week, and I reckon, up until recently, I've been wasting 2hrs a day at work idly chatting, drinking coffee, browsing the internet and working on unproductive tasks. Evenings I can easily procrastinate for an hour or 2. Weekends are even worse. So about 4hrs a day wasted, 28hrs/week = 1500hrs/yr.
What can I do in 1500hrs ? ....
a. Learn the necessary skills to gain a promotion, twice probably.
b. Run an extra 12000miles - great for Marathon training !
c. Pay an additional £15000 from the debt.
d. Spend an extra 4hrs/night sleeping.
e. Spend a 2 full days out with the kids for the entire weekend for a year.
Oh, and gambling forms no part of this and all of these positive thoughts are my way of realising that there is a life there which could be incredibly good and it's mine for the taking.
Spot on Michael. I like the way you lay it out in such a structured form for your brain to process it, I work in much the same way.
You've put that misery from a few days ago into perspective now. You said yourself that you are not in as big a financial hole as 50 days ago. And in 50 days it'll be better still.
The thought of the day I become debt free drives me on beyond belief! I'm glad it's doing the same for you.
All the best,
Tim
Hi Michael
I've been reading your most interesting diary. You certainly have the bit between your teeth and I must say you sound determined but I would caution against being too single minded in your ambition to pay off your creditors as soon as possible. You do need a bit of ' me ' time, be that for your own relaxation or doing things with the family.
In finding that time you'll be pleased to know that there are 168 hours in a week so that's an extra 24 hours you didn't know you had.
Sorted !! ( lol )
I love you a to e benefits list!
Please make sure that you strive to achieve them by not wasting all those hours away by gambling!
GT
Day 54
Waffly post tonight - but I feel I have so much to say each day....
I'm bombarding myself with positive thoughts at the moment - lots of if's that I need to turn into reality. I'm not really a one to sit around - I get bored very easily I'm afraid. I'm finding this is pushing any thoughts of gambling way, way to the back of my mind.
Having said that, I did receive a sobering letter this morning, which thankfully I myself opened. It was unexpected, and for my eyes only (a large cc bill - all of my accounts are on-line, so this statement was unexpected). Again, for my own reasons, my family are still oblivious of my fall off the wagon. And I know that most readers on the forum will say that you must be honest and open with your family, but honest to the point where you tell them you've let them down badly ? I shudder to think what may happen to us if I were to confess all. Last time around, when I did confess, their only concern was the money (and not my mental well-being), and why should it have changed this time ?
It's up to me to sort myself out and I know I'm going to get there.
Whichever way I try to think of my situation, the day of becoming debt-free must be without doubt my biggest driving force. It's had such a positive impact on my recovery in the last 54 days. It's helped me to focus my energies, and it's given me a light at the end of the tunnel. That said, the main objective is becoming Gamble-free. Spending time with family, relaxing and recupurating is great, but my mind often wanders in these situations, and I often find myself worrying about money, which in turn starts the Gambling urges off. I need a real focus and drive. This includes a vision of myself in 5 years time - debt free & worry free, which in turn means a happier, more relaxed family life, and a healthier, less-stressed me. Whilst I have debts, no matter how much time I spend relaxing or spending time with my family, I will have have this hanging over me - OK, for a few hours I may be able to forget, but every so often, I'll get a sobering reminder, like I did today. I want shot of this for good - simple as.
P.S. GT - Congratulations on being my 100th post-er !
BlackJack - Excellent, another 24hrs - magic !
TinyTim - It seems that I share the same focus as yourself, and that's really good to know.
Day 55
Another day of hugely positivity, despite knowing that one false move, 1 mistake and it could all come crashing down. And as I've said in previous posts, I know exactly where I want to be and an achievement, I mean a real achievement is what is driving me on. Heading in the right direction, slowly for the first few weeks, but steadily picking up speed, straight and unswervingly towards my destination. Gambling is not on the menu, feeling happier, less bad-tempered, starting to produce quality at work, and the debts are slowly melting away - although it sometimes seems like melting an ice-berg with a blow-torch. I know I will have some dodgy moments coming up, but I'm determined to come through unscathed. Still early days, but POSITIVE, POSITIVE, POSITIVE.
Day 56
Down the club tonight, a few pints - life is good. A few days to my hols, so a another 5 days in the bag hopefully. Edging towards the next milestone - 100 days.
B*llocks to the gambling.
Yes, never get complacent. It will just take one small wrong choice before disaster happens. That happened to me recently and I fully regret it.
Please don't make that mistake and yes, not long until your magic 3 figures!
Keep it up!
GT
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