02:01 in the morning and I am starting this...
I did well, I stopped for over a year and I am falling in bad habits. I stopped before on my own, but I don't feel like I ever really 'recovered'. I cringe saying that because I feel like there is so many more addictions about that are worse than this. I am just embarrassed. Tried to speak to my family about it, but I don't think they get it. Nothing against them of course I can just image it's hard to relate.
One thing that stuck with me when I first opened up to my mum about my gambling was that she told me to speak to someone professional, get help. I shot her down because I felt awkward and didn't think it was necessary which I genuinely believe is the reason I am at this point again.
This has changed now, I have just referred myself to a new place near me that helps with gambling and I am expecting a call from them within the next 72 hours.
I have gamstop and all other restrictions, but I found ways around them. I started going to casinos again. Of course I won big when I started to go again, ever since that I have been chasing that big win (you'd think I'd have learnt by now). I saw someone post on another forum that we will NEVER win and it is SO true.
I know this is all over the place and I don't expect anyone to read this, but it helps. It's the first time I have spoke about this on a public forum before so be nice if you are reading this lol.
I have setup a new bank account with Starling and I am going to budget money and try not get in the mess I did before.
I'm determined not to gamble again, I want to fill the empty spaces in my day (mostly weekends) with other things which isn't P*****g all my money away just for a brief adrenaline rush.
I don't know why but reading everyone else's posts on here, it has made me realise that I HAVE A PROBLEM.
I'm going be updating this when I remember to, hopefully daily and I promise to be honest. I am going to hold myself accountable.
No one has to, but if anyone has reached the end and would like to comment, I would love to chat to others. I'd like to say we're all in this together.
hello and well done for stopping.
It’s awful chasing that big win again but the adrenaline rush of winning big is awesome but not because it all comes crashing down and you end up losing all your money Chasing that big win again.
Good on you for stopping on you own before. I stopped for almost 5 years because of gamstop but then my friend took me to the arcade. So we started going there weekly and losing money that way. Then a supposive friend suggested I play on a site not on gamstop 6 months ago and ohh how I played. I won big a few times but then the winnings would always end up back on the casino chasing another big win. Sorry for waffling. Stay strong , you can beat this addiction. Seeking professional help is good, it is an addiction after all and a bad one.
im glad your family were supportive. I haven’t told my family yet. I’m ashamed of myself for gambling again.
oh yes what to do to fill that void and be proactive. I struggle with motivation of doing things. I might do the gardening today where it is sunny here.
stay strong, you’ve got this. Well done on day 1. I’m only on day 4
I’m so glad I came accross this I have admitted to my self that my gambling is an issue I need and want to stop
I don’t want to talk with family or friends about this as I’m am ashamed and don’t want to burden them with my issue
I feel ashamed stressed and worried about how I’m going to get through the month as I’ve stupidly gambled all my wage away in 2 days after I’ve paid out my important bills
I feel useless I feel guilty I have to lie to my family about why I can’t do anything enjoyable in the month but the truth is I’ve gambled away my money I hold my self fully responsible for this
I have previously put in place blockers on my phone and my banking app but found ways around this by using offshore gambling sites and deleting the gamban app my addiction started a few years back after signing up to a online well known casino site and winning my first biggish win on my very first spin that was it I was hooked I’d open accounts on different sites I even opened up accounts using my partners name as I’d blocked my own accounts as I knew my addiction was growing I hate this feeling I hate what I’ve become I hate thinking about my next fix of gambling I hate the thought of pay day I need help
I don't have much advise as I have too fallen of the wagon again. But please never feel like gambling is an inferior addiction. In many ways it's worse than drink and drugs as the person suffering with gambling can seem perfectly fine on the outside which stop others from realizing the situation we are in.
Hold strong
Well done for being here! It’s takes a lot of guts!
Have you heard of Gordon Moody?? They’ve helped me so much!
Hi all,
I appreciate all of you replying and I can't believe how much better I feel after posting this in the early hours.
I spoke to my family today and explained it all, I think they were surprised and shocked mostly because I didn't show any signs that I was going through s**t again. My point is, for anyone reading this please do not keep it to yourself... No one will know otherwise and it is the most important step.
Cpparch, thank you for the recommendation about Gordon Moody. I'm going have a look at that now.
No one should be embarrassed. I was, but now I have accepted it and want to better myself.
Day 2 has been good, plan to start the week off strong tomorrow.
Once again, this is all over the place but I tend to just type whatever comes to mind so I do apologise.
Something else I realised, is that I am pretty much a loner and I think that doesn't help either. I don't really do anything in my spare time, so any suggestions on things that you all used to occupy your mind would be greatly appreciated.
Catch ya tomorrow.
@z4vx5cytf7 I'm new to this site, ...I wouldn't want anyone to go through what we do alone.
I can assure you, your family would not think you're a burden. They will want you to be open and talk about it. Please don't be embarrassed.
If you want to stop, you can!
Well done for reaching out i joined on 7th December after admitting i had a problem and have had so much support from here i also self referred to NECA and have had 1 2 1 support i havent gambled since i joined im still taking it day by day but i feel much more positive now keep going and stay strong good luck
Today is a new day I posted yesterday for the first time… I have finally out the blockers on my phone I can no long search or find any casino sites to gamble on I have added extra support with banking I know this won’t go away over night but the first steps are made and to be honest I feel a weight been lifted knowing come pay day I won’t and can not gamble
Hey all, Day 3 for me done. I can honestly say I feel great. I'm taking each day as it comes and not focussing on the future just the present.
Proud of you all that have commented on this. By all means document your journeys and talk about how you're feeling on this forum hopefully someone who reads it can help with whatever you're going through.
I don't know if it's just phycological, but I am seeing SO many more gambling adverts on TV since I've stopped. Made me realise how bad it actually is at this moment in time. They say they care about their players and the whole 'if the fun stops, stop' but it's all rubbish. It's an evil industry!
Short one for me, but a pretty non eventful day really which I'm actually happy with! Still looking for things to keep me entertained when I'm bored. Anyone recommend anything? Wanting to get into reading again, been looking for some crime/mafia books as that is my favourite topic fiction/non-fiction I don't mind 🙂
See ya tomorrow
Hi,
Day 4 done. I'm not finding it difficult at all, but I know that's because I'm busy at work, I'm fully aware that this weekend will be the first test for me. I'm just going remember why I'm doing this, and if I think about it at all, I'm going to remind myself of how I felt last weekend before I posted on here.
I will think about my mums face when I told that I've been doing it again!
I am 100% doing this for myself but it helps me knowing I'm doing it for my family too as they don't like seeing me in the states I get myself into.
Short one today, but I hope you're all doing well and to whoever sees this... I'm proud of you 🙂
Catch you all tomorrow.
Day 5 done, spoke to my sister about it all today. Didn't want to do it over the phone so waited till I saw her in person. Went as well as you'd probably expect but time to build on this.
Hope everyones good 🙂
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