Deep breath and start again

hi annie i have just read your diary and its like reading about me, prentending your busy cleaning on your day off but all the time on the laptop. my oh has also installed a web blocker and i know what you mean about big brother watching you. i was looking for some information for my daughter nothing to do with gambling and it blocked it but thats a good thing. this time around like you me and my oh have talked so openly about my addicton where as previous attempts we never did as i felt guilty about speaking about it and he never brought it up. well dont on day 27 gamble free take care xxx

Hi Annie...hope the lurgy is passing....and that you are feeling strong....happy Sunday xx

Day 27, in the diary room. Still feeling rotten, achy, no appetite and plain tired! My husband has had the same but manages to sleep all night even when he's coughing like a miner! I have a few health issues and do get tired easily and need to have a wee lie down on my bed, but truthfully I did myself no favours in the past as I would sneak the laptop to bed with me and gamble my time away when I should have been resting and then it becomes a vicious circle of pain and tiredness to which I had abandoned all control.

Recently I have spent a bit more time in bed than usual and I have rested, and the times I have had my laptop with me I have been on here reading diaries, posting on some too and it's a much more worthwhile way to spend my time. I have also been looking over bank and credit card statements and it's clear I was completely lost and out of control with this pernicious addiction. I am in a tremendous amount of debt, my current account is overdrawn but since starting my recovery I have not spent what I couldn't afford. I have a plan to deal with my debt, I will spend within my means and if i can manage to save a wee bit then I will feel a bit better.

Thanks for your comments merc and Loxxie - you are both doing so well. And, thanks to the lovely Dean: I'm a few paces behind now but will be forever chasing your tail pal xx

Thanks for popping across to my diary.

Auld yin indeed. Oh

Hang on i cant remember what else i was going to say. Must be my age.

Best wishes x

Day 29, still going strong. Got an email today from online casino I had forgotten about, showed my husband and then, because I cannot used my laptop I used his to email a self exclusion request. My husband watched me send it and I told him it was difficult in the past as these companies will continue to send emails etc.

My email read ' i would like to self exclude from your website for life. I would also request no further emails or promotional material'. 5 minutes later I received a reply. ' how long would you like to exclude for and what is the reason. My reply 'SERIOUSLY? Exclude for LIFE no EMAILS and it is none of your business why I want to exclude, just do what I asked'.

My husband could not believe it and now realises how these low life companies work. It was really empowering to do all of this in front of him, showing him I am serious about my recovery and not being secretive about anything.

I also had a session with my counsellor today and he feels everything is in place for recovery and will now phone me one a fortnight for a catch up, also assuring me I can call whenever I need to.

So, all in all, everything is going smoothly at the moment. The closing date for the job I applied for is at the end of the week and I have been told by the manager that 'there's no reason you shouldn't get it' however, been there before so not getting too excited yet.

wishing my fellow recoverees well and take care all xx

Hi Annie, new to here and just read your diary.Well done on deleting that email and excluding yourself. That action showed amazing strength, you have clearly been through a lot and should be so, so proud of yourself. Well done! x

Hi annie, hope your well. Congratulations on 29 days gf 🙂 and yes these companies are low life. When I was gambling I never thought about it but after reading people's diaries and companies sending emails to people who have self excluded is appalling. I was showing my oh earlier the amount I get daily and he was shocked and disgusted. Glad your counselling is going well, I have my first ga meeting on Monday and it can't come soon enough. Good luck with your job application I'm quite happy on nights at the moment but must admit I am struggling with being tired even though I am sleeping well, I just feel drained but think it's all the emotional things that's happened. Take care xx

32 days!!! Well done Annie.... Smashing it!!

Hi annie well done on 34 days gf. Hope your having a nice weekend hun xxx

Hi Anne....lovely to read things are going so well for you well done xx

Hi Annie these companies are a pain. As it was my birthday yesterday I got so many emails from sites that I have self excluded giving me a free bonus. I have deleted them all. Good job I feel strong at the moment as that could easily win people over.

You're doing really well.

Hi annie hope everything is ok not seen you on xxx

I'm doing grand merc! Away for a few days but have been lurking when I get a chance. Keep up the good work, we'll get there ​with the great support we're getting here and at home.

We're staying in a log cabin and it's idyllic- the chilly mountains, lovely walks with the dog, hearty food, a cheeky red wine plus mobile wi-fi and not a thought to spoil it with a spin. I really feel like I've cracked I this time as I look around me and see what I have I believe today I am a winner. Take care my love xxx

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Hi Annie....hope your having a great time away....'re charge your batteries....xxx

Hi annie sounds like my kind of heaven where your staying and you are a winner hun your doing fantastic. My first meeting tonight will let you no how I get on bit nervous but I fully understand I need to do this for me. Tc hun xxx