Destroying the now,,, Destroy the future

My commitment is good . I dont want to be dragged down again, letting myself down, becoming some one i am not, i will not become a selfish waste of time. No gambling.....Guard up.. Rainman

when gambling, i bring the shutters down on everything else that matters, nothing else is on my mind except the gamble,,, untill i stop. win or lose,, if i lose the pain is so great because of the important things in life that i selfishly didnt think of while gambling and obviously no money,, if i win i am eaqually selfish about forgetting the important things in life while gambling,but dont show it, i have money to throw around and i mean throw around, what a prxtt, how bad is that,, that i can justify bringing the shutters down on the important things in life ,just because i won money,, i feel terrible admiting this , but i have to be honest... You dont gain self respect gambling, you dont be honest with yourself or others while gambling, it will bleed you dry of all things precious and dear to you ,, it will break you, you will crumble if you keep on, no matter how long it takes it will break you, take every thing that matters to you, destroy your mental state,,,, Unless you STOP,, is this realy happening,, oh yeah,, its real alright,, is it to late , am i in too deep, am i past caring,, NO stop now , its never too late to stop hurting yourself,, ... but i still have aims and goals, yes i slipped up last week on the gambling front but thankfully didnt do much damage ,only to my head, but i have brought myself to account very quickly and honestly. so its onwards and upwards, i wont stop moving forward, becuase i have stopped punting,,,, Guard up. Rainman