The start of the rest of my life

Hi Barry,
Welcome to Gamcare and thank for telling us your story.

What you have written could have been written by me. Years of lying, isolating myself with the belief that one day I would win enough to pay it back. In my case I did have that big win which then led to me losing it all again plus more.

Things are very fresh for you at the moment and gambling might be the furthest thing from your mind just now but believe me that may not always be the case.

Start getting some blockers in place…hand any finances over to your wife. Exclude from online sites (Gamstop), betting shops or whatever it is that is your vice. All though none of this will make betting impossible at will at least make it more difficult and give you a bit of time to think about what you are doing.

My debt was very similar to you but you just have to admit it is gone now. In time the pride of paying it back (by not gambling) will come and for a while it will always be there as a reminder of what damage can be done.

My advice going forward would be to seek help from others who can understand what you have/are going through. This site is a good place to start but I would recommend getting some counselling or even better finding a local GA. There is no guarantees but I would suggest the best chance you have of saving your marriage is honesty and showing her that you are doing whatever it takes to prove to her you want to stop gambling for good.

Anyway I am sure others will be along to offer some advice and I hope things start to improve for you over the next few days/weeks/

All the best
Damo

Hi Barry

Welcome to the forum although obviously wish you did not need to be here.

ITDamo has given you loads of excellent initial advise so I won't try and overload you with more.

Just wanted you to know you truly are not on your own and your story and emotions are just so familar to me that I could cry for you. I was lucky enough to find this site early on and with the help of this forum and counselling get out before significant financial damage was done but the feelings were just as raw.

Just keep being honest and open with your wife and hopefully you can pull through. Don't expect her to understand or expect things to get back to how they were before overnight. You have given her a huge amount to process and it will take a while.

Good luck and keep posting.

Muststop123

Hi Damo, thank you for the reply.

I've already closed the account with the bookmaker, I'm aware I just could open another with a different email, but, I don’t know, there was something symbolic about closing it, I felt free? I signed up to Gamstop this morning after it was recommended.

Handing the finances over the wife is, problematic. We've split our affairs up and now both pay into the bills, rather than what used to happen which was me sending most of my pay into what was basically a joint account.

The thing that I keep on reminding myself is what I've lost, I've already pretty much lost my wife, if I veer into this sort of territory again, I could lose my kids. That is NOT going to happen.

I've got a plan that I'm currently putting in place, all the debt will be paid off within 2 years and that’s excluding any extra money I might take in, been considering a weekend job, night job, something, to bring in more money (But not gambling, been there)

Yea was going to start here, I want to see how I feel over the next few days, think the longest I've gone without placing some sort of bet has been 2 days max, so the next few days should be interesting. I'm going to post here regularly and seek advice from the various gamcare avenues available. If I feel like I'm struggling at all, I'll be straight onto counselling.

Thanks again for the reply mate, even just posting on here is helping massively.

Sorry Muststop123, never seen your post before I posted, I appreciate the reply 🙂

I'm expecting a long hard road ahead with the wife, I've broken the trust before, but this has just taken the biscuit.

Dont you worry, I'll be posting daily 🙂

Hi Barry and welcome

I can’t add to the already brilliant advice people have given. Just wanted to say well done for telling your story here and doing something about it. I’ve been gamble free for nearly two weeks now and visited here daily, it has really helped me.

Keep us updated and we’re always here to talk to 🙂

Thanks Leedsfan.

I have to say, had a bit of a moment earlier, a nice moment. I was putting my daughter to bed and I offered to read her a story. Seems like such a small thing but normally, I would be trying to get the kids to bed sharp so that I could check the football matches currently in play.

I've missed so many small things staring into a phone screen, waiting to hit "Place Bet".

Hayward wrote:

Thanks Leedsfan.

I have to say, had a bit of a moment earlier, a nice moment. I was putting my daughter to bed and I offered to read her a story. Seems like such a small thing but normally, I would be trying to get the kids to bed sharp so that I could check the football matches currently in play.

I've missed so many small things staring into a phone screen, waiting to hit "Place Bet".

o*g Barry I’m having these moments daily, it’s brilliant isn’t it??? I feel free for deleting sky bet from my phone, I even went on it when I had no money to bet with, how rediculous is that? Sounds like you’re enjoying family time again and you can’t put a price on that. Have a great weekend!

Hi Barry and welcome. Today is the end of day six gamble free for me and this site has been a much needed source of support, from others who can relate to exactly what we are going through.

Since coming back after signing up a year ago and continuing to gamble, I have now put all of the necessary blocks in place. Something I did not do last time. Gamban is downloaded on all of my devices and prevents me from accessing any form of gambling website. It cannot be deleted for a year once installed and without it I know I would be back to square one. I have also signed up to Gamstop. After seeing a recommendation on someone else’s diary I also purchased Alan Carr’s Easyway to Stop Gambling which I have finished today. It has really made me see gambling in a different light and for what it is.

I havent yet organised any counselling or attended any GA Meetings but feel this is something I may consider. However, the last couple of days after being up and down, I am really starting to appriciate the simple things in life and actually enjoying them.

No doubt about it, we have a long way to go but we are in the right place and realise we can no longer continue as we have been. I wish you all the best for a happy and gamble free future, starting now.

Thanks for all the comments guys.

4 days successfully negotiated

Not even a hint of wanting to gamble which is great. But as others have said, still early days yet, still trying to process and deal with the aftermath of all this so my mind is 100% occupied at all times.

Moving into my mums tomorrow, which is going to be really sad, but, I need to give my wife space so it's for the best.

I also told my mum and sister about my addiction today. They were surprisingly supportive, I expected much worse. Just goes to show how important family really are when you need them.

Keep fighting the good fight people, until tomorrow. Night night.

Barry - 4 days free

EDIT: Was trying to post this last night but I kept on getting an error, turns out you can't post with any smileys in the post??

Today was probably the hardest day of my life.

I thought that day was just a few days ago when I seen that my wife had taken her rings off. That was nothing compared to me telling my 6 year old daughter that I was going to stay at Nanas house tonight. She instantly broke down in tears and asked me not to go. Thankfully the 2 boys are a bit young to properly understand what's going on, so they took the news like I was going to the shops.

Seeing my daughter like that though, I've never felt as broken as I did in that moment. I tried desperately to hold my tears in but just couldn't. Cried the whole way to my mums and when I got there, even now, typing this post, I have tears streaming down my face.

This is what the addiction has done, this is what I have let things come to.

I can tell you, I am beginning to understand why some people take their own lives. How low people must get before they decide enough is enough. I've never, ever felt that upset about anything before in my life and I've had some pretty S****y times in my life.

My sister's came round to see me, to try and, not cheer me up, but show that I have support in them and that means the world to me. I've neglected a lot of things these last couple of years, but my family have probably taken the brunt of it. Not any more, I'm taking my life back, I need to get back to being me and whatever the future holds, my children and my family will always come first.

Not a hint of wanting to gamble today, if anything, I'm fast developing a pure hatrid for it.

Just over 11 hours now before I can see my boys again, 15 for my little baby girl, I can't f*****g wait xxx

Hopefully tomorrow be easier than today.

Thanks for reading.

Hayward - 5 days gamble free

Been and up and down few days. Lots of sadness at the aftermath of what I've done. But some light at the end of the tunnel.

I've gone from hating myself to accepting what I've done, accepting that the future is going to be hard and that there's a good chance I'm going to come out of this without my wife.

Lots of self reflection and figuring stuff out in my head. Getting there, slowly.

Not a hint of gambling though, not a hint.

Hayward - 8 days GF