Okay, so here is my story..........
My addiction cam to light when i was approximately 18/19 (now 29) although I had gambled before this age on slots in a local arcade. My grandfather was a very keen gambler and at a young age I would regularly call into the bookmakers to go and see him. He would bet on horses mainly, but would also have a go on the football coupons and a dabble at bingo and casino games. He would get me involved with the bets he placed by asking me to pick a football team or a horse or a number in roulette. At the time it was harmless fun and if somebody had told me that this would lead to a compulsion, I would have laughed at them.
Once I was old enough to have accounts online and be able to bet on my own in a bookmakers, I became a problem gambler. My fix now is roulette, although I would happily bet on anything that is available to me. By the time I was 20, my girlfriend (now wife) and her parents had taken care of my finances, restricting me to £50 per week - the only thing this allowed me to do was to lose less and for a period it was helpful. However, it wasnt long before i started to steal my wifes card to make deposits online. Things started to spiral, i started to hide and lie about things to cover the money and eventually was sacked from 2 jobs for fraud / theft.
Alot of stealing went on over the years and repeated break up with my wife would occur - I would promise not to do it again, which was also a lie, I did however begin to slow things down in my mid 20's after having a few counselling sessions. I then went into a local bookamkers to place my weekly football bets, which i had done for several years. I dropped £20 into the roulette machine and jumped aboard the best rollercoaster I have ever been on. I had built a bankroll upto around £300 and was still playing by the time the football results had finished. I noticed I was on a streak and before new it I had around 8 people crowded around my machine and a balance of £7.5k. The buzz of a crowd around me felt superb, with every spin my heart poounding and folk cheering with every win. I eventually walked with £8k even though I had targeted 10.....I had some fun with it, went shopping, booked a trip for me and the wife, took all my friends out for drinks - All was good!! Without going into details, the remaining funds took me about 3 days to get rid of and no prizes for guessing where.......This was the start of a massacre of events that would lead me to where I am at the moment, in debt, a broken home and a family who has no trust.
My wife well pregnant just over 2 years ago with our first child - a boy (Finley) who is now 16 months, and again I started to slow down accepting I now have responsibilities, which led to a gain in trust and eventually me and my wife planning a wedding, which had been planned 2 years earlier but i lost all the money we had saved!! This time around, I was sort of in control, until I relaised the wedding was costing a little more than i anticipated, thus me gambling to try and win catering deposits, honeymoon deposits etc. Although I gambled it was something that I kind of got away with and the wedding went ahead. We recieved over £800 in gift money and in less than 2 months after the wedding I had blown it and again our home was not a happy place!! My wife again fell pregnant agan in July last year and the joys of a new member of the family was overwhelming. Again, I slowed down a little.
Rcently, my gambling session have been some of the biggest I have had and the burning sensation to gamble has been within me 24/7. I dont sleep, I don't relax....Finally, (8 weeks before the birth of my 2nd boy) my wife has had enough, rightly so and has kicked me out of the house. I feel so saddened that I may not get to witness the birth of my 2nd child and cannot express my desire this time to stop for good. I am very much a family man and enjoy everything family life has to offer, my boy is so precious to me and my wife has stuck with me through thick and thin, even though she doesn;t fully understand the problem I have and the concept of me wanting to gamble even though I have a decent life at home.
So, my last session was Thursday 19th February and I haven't had any sort of bet since. I have attended my first GA meeting which was hard to accomplish and start my first counselling session next Thursday. I feel a massive sense of relief that I have been able to discuss this with other people and although people around around me are angry and upset, I feel surprisingly good. Don't get me wrong, gambling is always a thought somewhere in me, I just hope that I can continue my resistance to the evil thoughts that so often run through my mind where gambling is concerned. I am also a type 1 diabetic and gambling has influenced the lack of care Ihave provided to myself and thus making me ill, to the point I have lost more than a quarter of my weight in 9 months (4 stone). I am now in the right state of mind and over the last week have started to take more care of myself which is a result of me feeling a little better and less worry / anxiousness with gambling.
This is the start of something great!! I know I am in the right place and trust that I will be fully supported by not only those around me but those who share thier experiences within this facility.
One day, I will be able to use this as a life experience until then, it's hard work!!
Thanks for reading my story!!
Dan
Sorry Free, I need to edit my post - My last bet was 19th February 🙁 Even still, I am proud I am over a week
okay, so the weekend has passed and I am now over 10 days gamble free. It has not been easy though.....
I spent Friday night with a couple of friends and a couple of beers. I dont usually gamble around my friends unless theres a sporting event on (which there wasnt) so i really enjoyed the evening. Sarurday however was a difficult day. I tried to stay clear of all the football fixtures and any televised games, but as a keen footballer and supporter, I find it difficult not to check the results of games on my phone and although I didnt have access to have a bet, thoughts did cross my mind especially with it being payday. I looked at results and thought about bets that i would have had which i know is the wrong state of mind to be in. However, all in all, I managed to abstain and had a pretty quiet Saturday evening and went to bed early. Through the night though was one of the worst experiences I have had. I woke up on multiple occasions having nightmares that i was involved in a roulette session to the point where on one occasion, I checked my wallet as I was sure it was real. A massive sense of relief to find out i was only dreaming, however, this continued through the night......Today was a mixture of good and bad....I took the wife for a meal and managed to paint the spare room in the house, something i dont usually attempt, but I have felt majorly depressed throughout the whole day - Does anybody know why this is? I have been given the green light to go home with my wife (stopping in spare room) to help her with her pregnancy, but why do i feel so low? She feels upset that I am down because I have gone home, but this is not the case. I am so grateful that my wife has give me the opportunity to spend time in the house with her and my boy.
Overall though, a massive weekend to get through and I am chuffed to have succeeded....A big week ahead though as I am working nights (usually a weak spot for me due to boredom).....Might actually get some work done this time around!!!
1st night shift completed and suprised by how much work i managed to get done.....alot of thoughts running through my head during quiet periods, but overall feeling good...Now into double figures on days!!
you may have caught it in time
As you say it's hard work but the rewards are good
2nd night shift completed and another GA meeting done - I did wake up through the day again today sweating and having nightmares that I was involved in a large roulette session, but my meeting at GA has passified me a little. I have very little do tomorrow before i go to work, but will try to fill it with something - Today i took 3 hours up watching Homeland, free and far more enternaing than watching a plastic ball go round and round for hours on end.......Feeling positive going into my 3rd week
Now completed 2 weeks and feeling good, no urges despite a big night in football. Actually enjoyed watching a live game without having to have a bet on it. Drove home from work this morning and noticed theyve knocked ANOTHER Coral up on my route home. Hope i can contune to pass this without getting a voice telling me to enter - May change my route home, even if it does take me an extra few minutes.......
The night shifts are coming to an end and the urges are becoming less and less - So pleased to have cracked this week. Lets hope i can enjoy the weekend now - Gamble Free, feels so rewarding to think I have a chance of doing this once and for all
Went for a beer Friday, and had a little urge to play on a slot machine whilst i was waiting for friends to ariive. A guy in the pub asked me if i wanted a game of pool foir a fiver, this would 100% be a yes in normal circumstances, firstly because i am a CG but secondly, i am a fairly decent pool player and have beaten the same guy on multiple previous occasions. I told him I was too skint to play for money but will have a game against him for free...Yestrerday was urge free, definitely the best day i have had so far, no thoughts at all. Im with the family all day today so should be fine although the father in law like a bet and constantly attempts to discuss bets with me. If this should happen, i'll go the shop or something.
Great Day - Took the boy to Sea Life. Wouldn't ever be interested in taking him anywhere let alone spend my money on stuff. Thrilled to have done somthin with him and the wife....Week starts welll!!
Been a tough day today....Everywhere you look Cheltenham this, Cheltenham that. The first year since i was 18 i have missed the first day of Cheltenham and the first day since i was 18 i ended the first day at Cheltenham up...Great day!! If i can keep myself busy for the rest of the week like i have done today, then i see no issues......Good luck to everyone else!!
maceymase wrote:
Okay, so here is my story..........
My addiction cam to light when i was approximately 18/19 (now 29) although I had gambled before this age on slots in a local arcade. My grandfather was a very keen gambler and at a young age I would regularly call into the bookmakers to go and see him. He would bet on horses mainly, but would also have a go on the football coupons and a dabble at bingo and casino games. He would get me involved with the bets he placed by asking me to pick a football team or a horse or a number in roulette. At the time it was harmless fun and if somebody had told me that this would lead to a compulsion, I would have laughed at them.
Once I was old enough to have accounts online and be able to bet on my own in a bookmakers, I became a problem gambler. My fix now is roulette, although I would happily bet on anything that is available to me. By the time I was 20, my girlfriend (now wife) and her parents had taken care of my finances, restricting me to £50 per week - the only thing this allowed me to do was to lose less and for a period it was helpful. However, it wasnt long before i started to steal my wifes card to make deposits online. Things started to spiral, i started to hide and lie about things to cover the money and eventually was sacked from 2 jobs for fraud / theft.
Alot of stealing went on over the years and repeated break up with my wife would occur - I would promise not to do it again, which was also a lie, I did however begin to slow things down in my mid 20's after having a few counselling sessions. I then went into a local bookamkers to place my weekly football bets, which i had done for several years. I dropped £20 into the roulette machine and jumped aboard the best rollercoaster I have ever been on. I had built a bankroll upto around £300 and was still playing by the time the football results had finished. I noticed I was on a streak and before new it I had around 8 people crowded around my machine and a balance of £7.5k. The buzz of a crowd around me felt superb, with every spin my heart poounding and folk cheering with every win. I eventually walked with £8k even though I had targeted 10.....I had some fun with it, went shopping, booked a trip for me and the wife, took all my friends out for drinks - All was good!! Without going into details, the remaining funds took me about 3 days to get rid of and no prizes for guessing where.......This was the start of a massacre of events that would lead me to where I am at the moment, in debt, a broken home and a family who has no trust.
My wife well pregnant just over 2 years ago with our first child - a boy (Finley) who is now 16 months, and again I started to slow down accepting I now have responsibilities, which led to a gain in trust and eventually me and my wife planning a wedding, which had been planned 2 years earlier but i lost all the money we had saved!! This time around, I was sort of in control, until I relaised the wedding was costing a little more than i anticipated, thus me gambling to try and win catering deposits, honeymoon deposits etc. Although I gambled it was something that I kind of got away with and the wedding went ahead. We recieved over £800 in gift money and in less than 2 months after the wedding I had blown it and again our home was not a happy place!! My wife again fell pregnant agan in July last year and the joys of a new member of the family was overwhelming. Again, I slowed down a little.
Rcently, my gambling session have been some of the biggest I have had and the burning sensation to gamble has been within me 24/7. I dont sleep, I don't relax....Finally, (8 weeks before the birth of my 2nd boy) my wife has had enough, rightly so and has kicked me out of the house. I feel so saddened that I may not get to witness the birth of my 2nd child and cannot express my desire this time to stop for good. I am very much a family man and enjoy everything family life has to offer, my boy is so precious to me and my wife has stuck with me through thick and thin, even though she doesn;t fully understand the problem I have and the concept of me wanting to gamble even though I have a decent life at home.
So, my last session was Thursday 19th February and I haven't had any sort of bet since. I have attended my first GA meeting which was hard to accomplish and start my first counselling session next Thursday. I feel a massive sense of relief that I have been able to discuss this with other people and although people around around me are angry and upset, I feel surprisingly good. Don't get me wrong, gambling is always a thought somewhere in me, I just hope that I can continue my resistance to the evil thoughts that so often run through my mind where gambling is concerned. I am also a type 1 diabetic and gambling has influenced the lack of care Ihave provided to myself and thus making me ill, to the point I have lost more than a quarter of my weight in 9 months (4 stone). I am now in the right state of mind and over the last week have started to take more care of myself which is a result of me feeling a little better and less worry / anxiousness with gambling.
This is the start of something great!! I know I am in the right place and trust that I will be fully supported by not only those around me but those who share thier experiences within this facility.
One day, I will be able to use this as a life experience until then, it's hard work!!
Thanks for reading my story!!
Dan
Keep it up Dan your story is very similar to mine I'm only on day 2
maceymase wrote: Been a tough day today....Everywhere you look Cheltenham this, Cheltenham that. The first year since i was 18 i have missed the first day of Cheltenham and the first day since i was 18 i ended the first day at Cheltenham up...Great day!! If i can keep myself busy for the rest of the week like i have done today, then i see no issues......Good luck to everyone else!!
I agree cheltenham is everywhere I turn I am trying to stay away from all contact good luck
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