I thought I’d share my second diary entry. I know I said I’d post weekly, sorry it hasn’t quite worked out like that but I’ve got some time today, so here I am.
Since everything came out about my addiction, self-care and mindset are two areas I’ve really struggled with.
The emotions I’ve been experiencing have been overwhelming at times, and my mental health has been in a very dark place. While I’m still not where I want to be, I can honestly say I’m doing a lot better than I was before and that gives me hope.
I’ve felt lonely, sad, embarrassed, guilty, ashamed, anxious… and at times, even suicidal. Writing that isn’t easy, but it’s real. The positive is that I’m slowly starting to feel better about myself again.
Very gradually, I’ve started to build a self-care plan something simple but consistent and over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been putting it into action:
• Emotional: Being present for my son every day
• Physical: Drinking more water and looking after my body
• Spiritual: Prayer and following a Bible plan
• Mental: Listening to worship music
These small, daily steps have already started to make a difference, and I’m committed to continuing them.
Another area I’ve been working on through my recovery journey is my mindset. During my addiction and even now I’ve found myself stuck in a fixed mindset. But I truly want to grow and develop a growth mindset.
To support this, I’m continuing with:
• Reframe coaching
• GamCare chatrooms
• GamFam meetings
• Bible study
• Watching recovery-focused content, including Stacey Goodwin, Girl Gambler, and Broke Girl Society
All of these are helping me slowly shift the way I think and see myself.
I’ve found that writing things down how I’m feeling, what I’m doing, and what’s helping has been a really powerful part of my recovery.
I wanted to share this because if you’re struggling with similar emotions, please know you’re not alone. Creating a self-care plan and working on your mindset can genuinely help. I’m still in the early days, but the difference it’s made so far is something I’m really grateful for.
If anything I’ve shared resonates with you, or if you want to know more about what’s helping me, please feel free to reach out.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this — I truly hope it helps someone. ❤️
Verse of the day : “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.”
Philippians 4:6
Lovely post I am doing similar to help get through these dark days.
Reading bible has bought me more light into my life too.
Best luck you deserve fulfilling life full of happiness darling.
Take care
Hello Carmen,
all of it resonates with me! I came on here to write something about gratitude for all the GamCare members who have helped me stay gamble free for nearly 10 days! The double figure seems to carry even more weight!
I’ve also neglected myself since I’ve been in this mess (most of it still remains a secret) I know that isn’t ideal, but with the only significant adult in my life at the moment being my mother, I didn’t want to burden her with any more worry than necessary. I share your habit of watching YouTube stories, it helps so much, and each day I try to do something for myself that I wouldn’t have done when I was in the addiction, whether that be getting my hair cut or ordering a Big Mac, sorry I have digressed from the original topic, but stay strong we are all here for you.
Hi Carmen
Are keeping up the meditation as well ? I find that really helps me in the morning and whenever I need it.
We've spoken about this before and I know it's not everyone but your family are amazing and have forgiven you. Same for your friends and church family. You are loved in GA. You need to forgive yourself. I know thats not a quick fix but you are an amazing person. You are loved and respected. You made some bad decisions and draw a line across the past. As we have spoken before, the past is not a good place to live.
Tomorrow will be Friday 27th March 2026. It will be the only 27th March 2026 ever. Once it's gone it's gone. Make the most of tomorrow. Be the best version of Carmen that you can. Be the best Mum, daughter, sister, niece, aunt and friend you can. Give service like you do every day to everyone you meet but also give service to yourself and be proud. This is all about one small step at a time, one moment at a time.
You've are going through hell but the best thing to do is keep going towards that light
Hi Carmen
I forgot to ask, any more thoughts on starting the 12 steps ? I'm on step 4 and it's changed my life already.
Great read Carmen and I'm glad you have steps in place to help change your emotions and mindset, Brene Brown really helped me shift my perspective on my mindset and her talk about shame and vulnerability helped me see with more clarity. I know you already know this but you have a lot of people on this community that have huge respect and admiration for you and you've been a great friend to many. Over time I hope you forgive yourself for the past and can leave the past where it belongs because just for today you deserve that and that's the only way I get through the emotional chaos is to remind myself just today I deserve clarity and forgiveness not from anyone else but from myself
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