diary of a self-destruction specialist

Hi Chris

FOBT's are my problem also, sorry let me rephrase, WERE my problem. Welcome to the diary section, yes the FOBT's are a menace but I have come to the conclusion that I can choose to play them or not, today I am choosing not to play on them.

My advice, keep posting regularly and take one day at a time and the rest will fall into place. Good luck.

Shaun

cheers Shaun , thanks for the reply and support and congratulations on your progress

to be honest the FOBT's were a problem but you had to take a conscious decision to travel to them and play them. Far worse for me has been online slots while lying about at home, bored, depressed, partner working away its just so easy and this stuff is in your face every time you watch tv or go online. I used to play until i just didnt care anymore and was barely even paying attention just watching the credit £'s go down until i chucked another £100-00 in. On the subject of self excluding this was simpe in most cases but **-RED make it far more difficult than they should, you have to request a document , receive the document, print out a document, sign it, scan it and send it back - in between getting the form and sending it i probably spent another £2,000. I know this is of course what they want to happen but other sites its a couple of clicks job done.

All the best Shaun mate with your journey.

day 2 GF still eary days, couple of urges yesterday but fought them off. cycled to the gym in the freezing cold ran 11km, swim, sauna felt amazing best ive felt for ages, weird online slot dream last night where of course I won big !! , ive read about these on here and it seems bizarrely that they are quite common. Big test for me as on half day today which means an afternoon at home alone which is classic CG territory- not sure whether to sack off the half day and stay at work to keep the temptation or take it go back to the gym stay GF and then buzz off the achievement, i'll keep you posted dear diary. I've realised im someone who needs a buzz, needs to constantly have something going on which explains the CG I think.

Good luck to all, wishing you all at GF Wednesday and many more to follow.

Hi

Like yourself boredom and depression was a big factor in my gambling. I would miss nights out sometimes due to depression and would then gamble due to boredom and then I would become depressed again due to gambling, it was a very bad circle I was in and didnt talk to anyone about it for 2 years.

I remember my first big mad moment, Lost £1200 in one week when on average up till that point I would gamble no more then £50. For the first time i lost total control, I went from depositing £5-£20 to £100-£200 in a matter of days and it was all because I couldnt accept I was around £100 down, by not accepting it I kept chasing all the way to losing £1200, that is when I first spoke to my girlfriend.

At first she was shocked, she knew I gambled but nothing compared to what I had just done. Since telling her though she has helped a lot, been on my case if she ever saw me on a gambling site and 75 days ago when I started my first diary on here I ordered a new debit card and she took note of my security number on the back and went over it with a marker pen, I have no idea of this number so I now have no way of depositing online. If I ever need to pay for anything online I just get my girlfriend to type in the security code and I am good to go.

Since 2011 I have lost around £15,000 on gambling which isnt the end of the world but is still a lot to me but what I regret most is all the hours and days wasted, at my worst I would gamble for 4/5 hours online a day instead of making effort with friends and girlfriend.

I have updated my diary every day for 75 days now and it has helped a lot, kept me on track and I advise you try and do the same to.

Good luck

day 3 and i will not gamble today. did another huge gym swim session yesterday on half day from work and was not even tempted to gamble. early days yet i know. 3 weeks til payday, got enough to get through and then got plans for clearing the CC so things are looking a bit rosier. im not under any illusions only 3 days since last big losses and plenty of people say on here that its easy not to gamble on the back of big losses but in time the urges return. All i can do is rack up the GF days slowly one after the other and one day look back on these times as an education. dont say why me say try me. ODAAT.

have a GF Thursday and stay strong comrades

Hello mate,

The first few days and week's are always the toughest and easy to relapse as the thought of chasing and trying to get a bit back is very strong, however as the days pass it does get slightly easier and the urges and dizzy feeling of what we have done do slowly subside.

I do not know your full situation and do not feel like i qualify to give advice but looking back i wish i had confessed to my partner rather than her find out as it is always worse for them to find out rather than hear it from us and get that bit of honesty that we deny them, just talking from my own experience, I would do anything to cover my problem and think I will tell her at the right moment, but really there is not such a moment and the longer the addiction is hidden the more power it has over us, I'm sure youll know what is best for you and i wish you a sincere and successful recovery.

Harry