Diary of boo radley

Well today's an outside activity washout up to press.. 

Never mind. Keep smiling as they sat.it will be Netflix nice food. Read. And jigsaw day.  Stroll later if elements allow.

Feel tired anyhow after night shifts so listening to my body today. 

No gambling still.  Not saying it hasn't crossed my mind in some form..but not enough to lure me back. 

Friend became a granny this week so nice news is happening.. 

Hopeful for run n coffee with running buds Sunday..

Been to feed pigs just after quick top up shop... They love spuds.. ??

Coffee brewing.. And on an even better note cinemas open soon.. 

? Boo 

Good Morning Boo,

I haven’t been on here in the past week or so, so thought I would pop in and say hi.

I hope you are well.

Ive just returned from the gym. I started back a few weeks ago and have surprisingly enjoyed it. I do a boxing workout with punchbag and pretend to be Rocky Balboa for a while. Even although I enjoy it I usually have to force myself to go because I’d always just rather go for a run. Less hassle - no commute and nothing to pack.

I hope you are still managing to get out running and meeting with your friends.

Also, I’ve never known a May like this. Where is the sun ?

Take care. Have a fabulous weekend.

RR

Hello and thanks RR.

Im OK. Did a 6 mile run today. Weather OK. Presently just sat at home TV on. 

Busy  week at work but better than slow and boring.

No gambling but thoughts do occur. I've reached a point where I ask sometimes am I in control or not. And do I put it to the test. Answer No ?

I don't visit diary as much now. Is thst because I'm stronger and living inside my own skin better.. I hope so. 

Cinemas back soon.. Nice 

Anyway food is needed..  Bye for now 

Boo ?

Saturday and a bit of sun. 

Had a reflective week. Thinking about a lot really. A mixed bag of emotions. 

Was thinking about the casinos locally re. Opening after lockdown which they have nearby. They are town based near supermarkets. I pass them. Was thinking all the time and cash I spent there. Im glad theres no return visits for me. 

Other than that. Busy at work. Had a 5k park run and coffee with run buddies today. Eating needs to be disciplined. 

Did a jigsaw this week and had some reflexology. So some self care. 

Going to have an afternoon of Netflix.. Sat here in pj.s.. Shameful to say.. But saving energy for work next 2 days.. 

Take care all.. Boo ?

Good Morning Boo,

That sounded like a nice few days of relaxation. Also, I am slightly jealous that in your area Parkrun has started back ? I am still waiting for that where I am but hopefully in the next few weeks I can return with my oldest son.

My oldest son is a good runner and is in a running club and they’ve still not returned since March last year. Its a real shame. Every other club that my kids go to has been back except the running which I thought would be the easiest.

Ive not been able to do much this week. I’ve had a stomach bug of some sort which hasn’t shifted but I hope to be on the mend and back to outdoor activities soon. Getting out in the fresh air makes such a difference.

Ref the casino. I think about the casino now and then. Not specifically about going to one, rather just it’s something that I used to do. This is normal I think. What I am aware of and accept is that I’m not normal when in a casino. I could live in there for a week if they let me. Just roulette, no food, no sleep, no realisation of what I’m doing or my responsibilities outside the casino walls. So, thoughts are ok and participating is not for me. I can accept that.

You take care. Keep being positive. You’re doing fine.

RR

Weather improving.

Ive been to the Cinema and done a 5k run in the park with a friend not seen since December. Happy days. 

Mood is fair. Appetite enormous. Still having bouts of anxiety but from January a lot has happened. My body and mind generally are coping well I think. 

No gambling. And soon no money as having garden overall..??    Hubby been to cricket so he's happy too 

Brew time after the normal day I've had.. My calendar is full to bursting. I'm one lucky person. 

Let's not getcomplacent though. 

Stay safe all 

An energised  and happy boo ?

Hello. Done a 5k Park trot with 2lovely friends. Coffee after.

Just going  to have a fish dinner then it's a little bike ride in the sun.

Weather is gorgeous. 

Fought off a temptation to gamble this week. Don't know whst the trigger was. It passed quickly.. My friend reason popped into my head and talked sense. 

Anyway stay safe all. 

Boo ?

Good Morning Boo,

I like the sound of your day yesterday - social, healthy and lots of fun.

I went for a long bike ride yesterday with my boys and we met my brother at a lovely village pub with a beer garden. We stayed longer than expected ?

Regarding you fighting off an urge earlier in the week, well done. We have to be aware that from time to time we may get an urge. Our twisted brains often only recall our gambling experiences as fun and exciting. We know that this is not the whole truth. For us, we would take the fun to a place beyond which was danger and despair and then desperation and sadness. Our brains often forget the latter but we still remember.

I think I’ve mentioned to you before that I had been here previously and had a relapse which led to the very worst state. Way worse than it had ever been before. I had stopped for about 4 years before my relapse. I came here and was posting regularly and managed to stop and felt great but bit by bit I stopped posting as much - I felt that I had nothing left to say. I am doing this again - posting less and less. It happens. Instead, I work on the mindset that life is better without gambling even on my worst day. I honestly believe that. No matter how upset or angry or sad we get it will pass and we’ll get through it and move on to a new, good day without carnage.

You have done amazingly well. You have had difficult life situations and heartache along the way but you always shine through to me as a woman with incredible resilience. Resilience is a trait I believe is slipping away from the younger generation of people. Resilience is so important in life. Life is tough and resilience is what gets you through difficult situations. I think you have it in abundance. I think you are someone who will always do well. Perhaps unfair of me to say this to you on your diary because I don’t actually know you ? but its what I think from what I read.

Keep being sociable, keep being active and keep going. Your doing magnificent.

RR

Afternoon all.

Lovely weather is driving me to get out more and feel livelier. 

No. Gambling but in my head I say sometimes I feel safe and its not complacency. Perhaps a stage of recovery even coming up to two years. Maybe forum or others have felt this and could add wise more for me.. Thanks 

Doc Martin tonight. Makes me smile. 

Went to cinema yesterday. Enjoyed. Next week we are going to eat out after so a big treat indeed. Getting braver now stepping out into easing pandemic World. 

I've been having a course of reflexogy too. Lessening my anxieties slightly what with begi ming of year. Chiropody next week. Something about feet and relaxing just tunes me into a happier place. 

Had a 5k run with buddy today n coffee stop.. Lovely little trail route anyway all for now 

You all take care. Stay safe I. The hot sun too 

Boo ?

Good Morning Boo,

I read your post last night and thought I’d give it some thought prior to replying. Complacency amongst gamblers is difficult because its real. It is only natural that this happens and sadly, in life, our biggest mistakes are learned experiences.

As previously mentioned, I once gambled after over four years abstinence. I’ll try to explain what happened next. As soon as I placed the bet I was uneasy. Not with regret but with adrenaline flooding my body but not in a nice way. I was surprised at this. The bet lost but it was already too late. 

Within a few days I was back playing roulette on my own. I say this happened for about a year. It wasn’t a problem for months and months because I wasn’t losing but when the losing started I lost control very, very quickly and spiralled to new depths taking bigger and bigger risks.

Other things were happening. I take my kids to all of their clubs and I usually go a run and then watch them for the last half hour. Now I’d drop them off at the gate and go to the bookies for an hour. On one occasion I was losing and couldn’t leave til I won it back. I turned up 10 mins late. Utterly shameful. Makes me very sad admitting that I became that person. My son asking where I was and why I don’t want to watch him anymore. Not nice thinking back to that. I gambled in secret and every opportunity was an opportunity to take advantage of. I’d lost control again.

I get a lot of freedom at work. On a few occasions I made up a fake meetings because I’d be chasing a bad loss from the night before so went to a casino at two in the afternoon. I’d be in there on my own. Totally out of control.

I could  go on and on and all this happened in only a few months near the end. Finally, in one hour I turned 3k credit to 7k deficit. I’d never gambled those amounts - nowhere near that level. I had to stop again.

I’ll never get complacent again but I learned this through experience. Today, I don’t have a problem with gambling but only because I don’t gamble. It’s like a drug to me. One that is highly addictive.

I truly hope you are never enticed back. It’s bad. Really bad.

RR

Boo,

Also, I feel safe and its not complacency. I just know without doubt that I won’t gamble. Gambling puts me in a state of danger and by not doing it I’m in a position of safety. That’s a good place to be. I feel in control of my life, my decisions and the time that I have. All of that is priceless and not to be taken for granted.

Take care.

RR

No I won't.. RR.. I've travelled to far now and see the joyous side to life.

Take care

??‍♀️?‍♂️ Boo 

Hello all readers.

I've had a steady week. Ran walked and cycled. Weather lovely to add.

Sleeping due to heat tormenting but never want the summer to end. Longest day soon..

Still gf. No desires to last several days. I've been too occupied.

Going up plan food now and what's on TV. Later

Happy weekend all and midsummer day..

Boo ?

Hello. Hope all is well here.

Had a busy two weeks. Finally garden on go. Project delayed due to madam covid attacking workforce.

I've done a bit of running. Walking. Biking. Too much food. Too much drink with current sports situation on TV. But feeling OK.

No gambling. A trickle of a thought. It soon meandered downstream.

Work is busy busy. Me poor feet.

Not long been in so a well earned brew.

I don't think thoughts of gambling will ever leave me so I've decided not to think it's a bad thing or a hold back in recovery just treat it like a niggling ache that doesn't hinder but somehow has a habit of making you say ouch out load.

All got now

Boo ?

Hi Boo,

Thank you for the message on my diary.

I’ve been very quiet on the diaries in the past few weeks but just been busy with life and don’t have too much to say.

I’m off work now for two week’s which I’m excited and grateful for. We’ve not got lots planned but going to have some nice days out to some seaside places and hoping for some nice weather.

Been doing lots of exercise - running as usual but also trying to go to the boxing gym 3 times per week.

We had our back garden finished a few weeks back and it’s fabulous. Its lovely to sit out the back and enjoy the nice sunshine that we’ve had.

I’m glad all is well in your life. Keep up the good work and I hope your garden work is completed soon.

Take care.

RR