I like Slots in the Casino...I don't gamble online.
I go to the Casino...no-one can contact me...often ignore my phone if it rings, or leave it in the car. I forget work, family (kids left home and empty nest syndrome, elderly parent with failing health), partner (long distance relationship)...it is me and my machine. Not bothered whether I eat or drink whilst I am there. Make small talk with one or two others I see regularly. We say what a disgrace it is when the machines pay a miserley bonus. But generally, I disconnect....from everything that really matters in life....and find meaning in a stupid machine. Its ok until I walk out the door...and realise how much money I have wasted...then the self contempt begins.
Do I want to change? ...why is it taking me so long to answer that question???
The positives: somewhere to go; sometimes I leave up; like the buzz; forget everything and everyone.
The negatives: has potential to wreck my relationship, distorts relationships, makes me feel bad about myself...a gambler is not the person I want to be.
I went to the casino tonight and lost. It was money that I had previously won, but it was a silly amount to feed into a machine, which was obviously not going to pay.
Being honest, I dont know if I can do this at the moment....I dont know if I have sunk low enough....but here goes....just seen it has gone midnight, so Day 1.
freda
There's a big difference between wanting to stop and needing to stop.
Keep giving it thought, keep sharing and being honest
tri
Thanks Tri,
I believe in honesty....and gambling makes me a liar. I am ashamed to say how i spend my time and money. I tell my partner when I go to the casino...because if we lose honesty, we will go under....but last night I just said I lost a lot, (for me, by other people's standards it may be a little); but I would not say how much. And that is wrong. It is not who I am. I have always been careful with money, I have had to be. I work hard for what I have, but don't have a highly paid job. Today enjoying a day off...catching up on jobs, and enjoying the sunshine.
I dont need to stop in terms of my finances at this moment in time...but in what I am doing to me, and people I love...well that is a different matter.
Freda
hmmmm went to Casino with friend over the weekend and managed to stay even, mainly cos friend helps control my spending. But went alone on SUnday night and blew too much. Had decided it had to be my final time, and after being sensible for two hours, hit the self destruct button.
But now to a gamble free future...Day 1 completed (again)...
I am going to keep a count on here, because it makes me be honest with myself.
Freda08
Reached Day 6....but weekends are my worst time....either because I am with my friend who also enjoys the casino, but is prepared to walk away and not chase, or because I am on my own, and I enjoy going to the casino.
Had a 'few words' with my son this morning....which has raised some unwanted feelings in me...and I must confess to thinking earlier 'sod it, I'm going to the casino later'....but I think I have squashed that one. I have to deal with my emotions, not run from them.
So plan now is to tidy round, go shopping, walk dogs, visit my dad and make him a meal, come home and sew (I have a cross stitch which has to be completed by September and I have only just started it.)
So come on Freda08...get off your a-s-....and get on with the day.
Hope everyone has a good day and enjoys the sunshine.
Freda08
Well meant to post that earlier....but forgot to hit button!! On track...just got home...and I have no intention of going out again this evening 🙂
Freda 08
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