I know it can't be much of an existence you are living right now but you are living without your crutches & that is something to really be proud of!

I don't know what support you've had over the years or even what is available but don't let your brain convince you you are not worthy! I wanted to post something the other day when you said you would never be able to forgive yourself for what you have become but I know what it's like to be snared by gambling so I can attest to the fact that you didn't choose this for you. You were offered an outlet for your pain & confusion & you took it, who wouldn't? Beating yourself up isn't going to stop the hurt, you need outside help to figure a way out of your nightmare. I can't think of a suitable analogy but is it the rape victim's fault she's been raped...No. Does blaming herself help her move on with her life...No. Look @ yourself from the outside Rob & give yourself some slack! I've just had a thought pop into my head about a hypnotherapist telling me to hug the 'younger me' that I was remembering...I couldn't do it, still don't think I can & maybe now I accept it could be more than me not liking physical contact. Hating ourselves is easy, working on the bits we don't like takes effort but allows us to negotiate a happier path.

Do NOT give up...There's a Nobel prize out there with your name on & I've already bought my dress 😉

rob27 wrote: My mood is low,angry irratiable,lazy, unmotivated,no interest in doing anything. Want to cut but i wont. Resentfull bitter sad and just do not want to smile or interact with anyone. Head is fuzzy can not focus on any task.

Same. I know the feeling too well. We need to think of a task break the tedium.

Hey all again ty so much for the advise and support.

So last night I stayed up untill 3am as i was reading research papers on the neurological affects of gambling, as I am firstly a logical person and all about the science.
These papers gave me a huge insight and understanding of the brain under the influence of gambling.
There where 2 amazing diagrams showing balanced serotonine and dopamine levels, and then there was one showing the chemical imbalance you suffer during gambling, then it showed the symptoms of unbalanced levels, it was amazing, bang on,
Basically balanced levels give appetite focus enhanced memory and pleasure from things,
Inbalanced gives withdrawal irritation foggy mind can not take in information and feeling depressed.
So no I understand so much more about what compells us to go back and gamble, and why stopping feels so hard.

Hi rob27,

Thanks for your post, and also for sharing your inner gambling feelings with us.

Much as you feel like you can’t focus on any task, you managed to do a research on how the brain is affected by chemical inbalance when gambling. You read, understood, and even explained it in your post. That is good effort, rob27!

I’ll advise you to be patient with yourself, and take it one step at a time, and recovering at your own pace. Recovery is never easy, that’s why most people need professional help and support to overcome their gambling problem.

You’re not alone, and help is available here at Gamcare. Maybe, you can try and speak to one of our advisers on the free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, for further support, and perhaps find out about our counselling referral too.

It’s worth trying, and please keep posting.

Regards,

Beatrice

Hi again ty for the confidence boost, again still no gambling at all I have had fleeting thoughts but they are quickly dispelled because I automatically rationalise with with the following, it is the antisipation of a potential win, I will not win, and even if I did I would never use the money for anything. After repeating that a few times the thought goes.
I did have a urge a few days ago and when it hit me my heart raced a little, but that I understand was from the dophamine release then of adrenaline.
So i just sat down and on a bench and enjoyed the sun.

It is awfully refreshing to have a understanding of things, and aswell as that I understand my triggers the reasons why I would suddenly go on a gambling binge.

Also mood is getting better as I have tried to be more creative when i am feeling down, such as writing as i have a few writing projects i want to complete.

Anyway sorry to ramble on, but I feel that Iam starting to get better.

Also it is the first time in how long i can not remeber that I still have money in my bank, and well that is becuse of the non gambling.

So again still gamble free,
It has been easier because I dont have any urges at all, i have gambling thoughts still but more so of times won and lost and the effects it had on me.

Procrastination and low mood is still quite a problem at the moment. So not being productive at all just feel like in robot auto pilot mode at the moment just doing my daily job, then drifting off to sleep untill the next day.

So maybe I am suffering from gambling withdrawl but without the urges.

I also think that the reason my mood is so low is that, I realise and remember how close to failure and how much gambling has caused a negative result on all aspects of my life.

Rob your thoughts on the articles interest me. I am a reader and want to know stuff. Would you let me know the sources for the articles...I have access at work to journals, and would love a read.

Keep at it matey, you will get there.

Julie x

Rob your thoughts on the articles interest me. I am a reader and want to know stuff. Would you let me know the sources for the articles...I have access at work to journals, and would love a read.

Keep at it matey, you will get there.

Julie x

Hi julie thanks for the support
I have added some links to the articles, i hope you find them interesting also you can find images of peoples brain activity during gambling they are really good.

If you need anything just ask
Rob

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-the-brain-gets-addicted-to-gambling/
And also
If you search for Gambling Disorder: The Brain in Pain Stays Mainly in the Game.
The latter article has the images about dopamine and seratonine levels

Hey all,
Still gamble free, no urges

Spent last 2 days in bed with tooth infection was brutal.

But on the plus side I got over my anxiety issue about taking meds, but basically taking them to releive the pain ,so very happy about that,dont get me wrong i did have a couple of panic attacks after taking them but soon calmed myself down.

Exam is soon am still quite behind in my study, but now i think of it this was i cant change the days i missed but i can make the days untill the exam as productive as possible.

hey guys,

hope all is well, so I am still fighting which makes me feel really good, my mood has changed quite alot now all in the positive way, i am not self loathing as much and am very focused on changing things, i e studying more efectively, doing my job better and being more attentive at work.

Had a funeral to go today, and have to say I seemed to cheer everyone up when my fingers got trapped in a car door and I was literally stuck, after the pain and swearing stopped I did actually find this awfully amusing.

As we drove through the grounds one of my favourite quotes came to mind, I dont know if you guys have ever read it, but here it is.

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry our their dream.”

It really makes me realise how wasteful and futile gambling is and can be, when we all have so much potential.

Anyway I hope everyone is good and appoligise for my lack of posts recently as have been dealing with one thing and another.