Easy does it!

In the nightowl department and watching cricket. Feel as though i have come through a fair bit in last couple of weeks and yet nothing has changed in particular. Maybe my resolve is stronger! why I feel like this I don't really know but not going to question it. I have had my head down and cleared some more niggling debts. I have to start living now but it will take time. I don't think I would have gotten this far if I never had this forum, and you guys, to carry me through. Whatever people post it matters not to me of their recovery, what matters is my thinking surrounding these posts. I reply to people's posts for me. Hopefully it helps the recipient. I used to get mad a t people on here as they weren't following my advice. Now I realise there is many more ways to recover and mine is far from perfect but it works for me. Learning very slowly to let go of the past but that is a slow process. I have to be thankful of what I have today instead of thinking what I should have had or what I've lost. Changing my thinking is very good for me and works. Tiredness is not a good thing for me so need to be careful. Today is another day in this wonderful life and recovery is getting better. It isn't glamorous like I used to dresm of it is life on life's terms and I enjoy it. My fantasy dreamworld is dissolving but it is still there inside my head. I lived there for so long I sometimes get confused between the real and my world. Once tis happens anger kicks in at what could have been. What could have been is a waste of thinking time as what is really happening needs ore consideration. Hope everyone has a good day today although the weather not looking too good.

Take care

Good morning,

Up with the larks you were today.

Thank you for your kinds words.

I have many regrets about how I have lived my life, but do not dwell on them, as I believe what ever we have done shapes us into what we are.

You have a great empathy with people either at the beginning of this journey or further along. You would not of had that should you have not gone through it yourself.

So anyway enjoy the cricket, and have a great day taking it easy.

Just for today

Dusty

many ways to skin a cat as they say Smiler....and your a fine example of someone who has found and is still finding a way that suits your recovery.

Understand about the dreams and had the same difficulties...I try and deal with it now by changing dreams....i was too fixated on outcomes ..now its "ready...fire...aim" ...not "aim...fire"....see where life takes me and enjoy the adventure.

Thanks for popping by my diary. Good to look back and use it as springboard to move forward and not get stuck....understand history to make sure it's not repeated ....making different choices and the book/rot stops with me....take care Smiler and enjoy the winterwonderland ..

Hey Hun,

Thankyou for your continued support.

Something you wrote about life not being glamorous and living in a fantasy world i can really relate to it.

Its time to start excepting life on life terms,this is the life i have and this is the life i must lead and if improving it financially means working all hrs god sends then so be it.

I'm never going to have the fantasy in my head and im realistic enough now to realise that.Although its taken heartache and debt to realise it.

Have a good sunday and keep up the supporting.Your a good bloke doing good things.

Stay Strong

E xx

Hi Smiler.. ive been wanting to write a few thoughts to you the last few days... but am struggling to write at the moment though I know it does me the world of good when i do. Anyway I really enjoy reading your posts and relate to much of what you say.

The fantasy dream world you metion is a world that i inhabit rather more than the average I think. I spend a great deal of time with my own thoughts and dreams and fantasies. I am a fairly deep thinker but on the flip side sometimes I don't think at all especially when tired. I have a vivid imagination and am very visual in nature which is perhaps what originally drew me to the machines with their flashing lights and so on.

I find I need to spend time alone in order to settle myself and feel at ease. Its like today am supposed to be going out to play badminton and then a meal with friends but i just can't face it. I feel guilty for making my excuses but I know i need to be good to myself by just chilling. I don't want any demands placed upon me.

I don't know where am going with this so i will stop but like Elizabeth says "your a good bloke doing good things".. take care matey... S.A 🙂

Hi smiler

Thanks for ur support on my diary it's funny we are all different walks of life but all brought together by this illness ,disease or gambling problem whichever we like to call it all I know for now is I need as much support as possible and will be sticking close to this site thanks again your words and support mean a great deal

Castle2

Hiya Smiler....to be fair I haven't read that book for yolks but take your point..I liked it due to the idea of thought creating our reality etc especially with the health probs etc...and also the inner child stuff.

The only thing I can think is on what you were saying is that we may choose our parents to learn lessons but when the lesson is "mastered" so to speak then we can be freed up to change our future or we keep getting the same lesson repeated etc...A bit bhuddist-y...like clearing Karma ...

When you said you had got one of the books I thought it may have been the other one...but im going to dig my copy of L. Hay out and have another look at it so I can refresh on whats shes saying .When I read that one I was in the throws of panic attacks and agoraphobia and suffering with extreme hypochondria in my mid 20"s...fortunately now that has subsided as I don't think im dying from every minor health problem.....keep me posted on what you think...I tend to dip in and out of books but it is food for thought ...take care ...

hiya Smiler...no...don't think that at all..I also read stuff and question it ..to the point of scrawling my own comments in red pen on the pages..lol thats why non of my books are resaleable,..

Never for one minute took anything as a criticism...especially not from you.....take care my friend and am following your diary too even though I may not post every day.....your one of the people I have full respect for on here.I am glad that the people who post to me are people who I feel that way about... ...onwards and upwards as you say...

dotty sends wuffs

Not sure why I'm posting this but I thought I would share it with you all. A good few years ago I was on holiday and we went to sri Lanka. I remember going to resort and seeing betting shops along the way. Once at the resort I spent about a week scheming as to how I could get away and get to bookies which was over an hours drive away. Each time we went on an excursion we went past yet another one. It drove me mad and I never got to have a bet. All I remember is the obsession of wanting to bet. Crazy, crazy world of gambling! Not any more. One day at a time and easy does it. TAke care all! The obsession does lift.

Hiya Smiler, Thanks for your post in my diary. I went to the pub with my brother today to watch the rugby (we lost to Wales). There was a guy I know on the slot machine and he told me he had lost all his wages on saturday (400) he had the machine up to 650 and I told him to cash out. 20 mins later I was going to the toilet and passed him again, He didnt cash out and was down to 8 euro ! Mad or what ?? Anyway, going on a quick flight to Jersey and back before bed. No passengers as I am going on a 2 seat helicopter !

Have a good week.

Mark

Hi Smiler,

Really like that example - we can't enjoy anything properly when we are addicted to gambling. You must have spent a fortune on your holiday, and it sounds like you would have been happier at home in a bookies! Madness with a capital "M".

Take care,

f x

The obsession was out of control. I have recalled countless times today. No good dwelling on the past!

Forwards is the only way for me in recovery. Today I have had no thoughts of gambling. There is a bookies next to my bank and I was wanting to go to the loo and thought about going in there but I'm self excluded so not sure how it would have went down. I held on till I got home.

My life is improving and mentioning bank I placed over £1,000 in there today. This will go towards one of my debts and slow but sure they are coming down. When I get there, I get there. I feel I have grown up quite a bit since taking recovery serious. I now take ownership of my thoughts and feelings. Still a little immature sometimes but it is work in progress. Take care

Hi Smiler

Good to see that your seeing financial reward as well as emotional reward for your non gambling philosophy. Probably best your self excluded, who knows what could have happened had you gone in there for the loo but its best not to even have the chance to find out. The barriers i have in place help me more than any other in my recovery. If i had a bank account i know i would've gambled in the last 3 months, no maybe about it and this along with bet filter and self exclusion from the bookies make it very very difficult to place a bet in my periods of weakness.

Best wishes for your ongoing recovery

Keith

good on ya for amazing bladder control today Smiler....its hard always taking ownership for thoughts and feelings and keeping your side of the street clean but the rewards immense if you put the effort in as you do...glad your getting sorted out with your finances...it's a good feeling isn't it?.....i paid a few chunks off this week.....take care... following your diary and posts .....unconditional x...

Keep smiling Smiler, your doing amazingly well. Bessie.