Hi, I hope you don't mind me posting on this site, I have never been on a forum before. I am the wife of one of the posters (is that even the right word ? Been described as a giant among men and has helped many of you get through some bad times. You see I do not know what to do and have no one to talk to as his addiction, I keep to myself. He started posting in November after another serious loss and devastation to me and my son. This site proved to be a life line to us and to him as it helped him so much and not least that he found he could help others. He often spoke to me about the posts and the ones he sent and I was truly proud of him that he could find such words to inspire people, however in the last 6 weeks he has slipped a couple of times and as always is honest about to me and on this forum but only yesterday he posted that he was staying strong again and gambling did not interest him anymore. Today AGAIN he has blown what was left of his wages which was our living money for the month. He works hard for little money but so do I and have taken on even more hours to ease the burden. He leaves us with nothing AGAIN !! In the last 2 years he has only been gamble free for the 3 months when he came on here, before that every time he lost money I went into what was left of an inheritance that my dear mum left me which by the way he gambled away half off, my own fault a I kept forgiving and trusting. In fact he is the first to say its my own fault for giving it to him ? Sorry im rambling now, I want to be free of this, a different life because its never ever going to change, I cant do this anymore.How do I get free of this, we have been married 30 years this year, im tired of it. I don't know if he will post to you guys anymore and im sorry for putting my troubles on you, I just need to kinda speak about it. there are 3 of you that have become close to him and if I say guard up and sunrises you may know who you are. I hope you don't think im a bad person but enough is enough and im so sad. This is only the tip of the iceberg though. You guys know how your partners feel but I have to get some control in my life. Any thoughts from you would be great, I have come to respect what you all have to say greatly." Guard smashed
Lozza
Welcome to the forum, my wish you had come here on better terms.
My name is Duncan, I too am a recovering compulsive gambler and I have the privilege of sharing my recovery with my wife and our three kids.
For me two things stand out, first is recovery is just as important for you as it is for bob, you like my wife are another innocent victim of this addiction.
The sad thing for me is often the folk like you are forgotten, in recovery all the good is lumped on the addict and with relapses you are expected to just live with them.
You I hope will get to share the recovery, thirty years is something to be very proud of.
Please be honest with bob
Tell him how you feel, gamcare can help you too phone the netline, they offer free counselling and we try to help.
You like my Sarah I hope will never truly understand this addiction because only addicts do, but I hope you will get a handle on things.
It's not personal. Addiction takes personality away it rots us from within.
I believe bob is a stand up bloke, you must too, as I said thirty years is testament.
Tell him to be proud.
Both of you take the help that is there.
I believe bob wants it. Addiction is fighting to keep him.
Recovery is an open book.
The doors revolve, 22 months in I had a 3 hour long bet, what is important is to learn.
Again bob has.
I hope he feels proud you found the courage to post.
I hope to see you both, continue this journey.
My support goes to you both in equal measure.
Bob I have walked in your shoes.
My support unconditional.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Hi Lozza,
I am sorry i decide to edit my original post. I have no right to advise you what to do. After all i never had a situation like this, to affect partner/husband with my addiction.
It was wrong of me - appologies
Hope you both will find a way out.
S x
Hi Lozza,
I'm a recovering CG and don't have a great deal of experience as i'm still going through the motions myself, but I'd say the best thing you can do is monitor him closely.
The only thing that kept me from the most dreadful of thoughts was having my partner there, constantly checking up on me. I asked him to do this knowing that the first week would be the hardest, but then as the urges pass I would stand half a chance. I honestly believe if he hadn't watched me like a hawk I would not be alive today, the compulsion and impulse to remove myself was that bad.
It might seem like you are caring for him which, in a way, you are for a period of time where he needs your support more than ever.
We often don't appreciate our partners or how much it takes its toll on them, my partner has anxiety now which I feel partly responsible for. But I believe there is time for that to be corrected in our relationship and I am committed to not letting him down.
Thirty years is such an incredible achievement. Could you start setting some couple milestones and things for you both to look forward to? It may not change his behaviour but I feel you need to throw everything at it - perhaps go to the Dr to ask for counselling - they will usually give you free therapy (about 20 sessions - I'm due to start mine next week) which focuses on tackling the root causes of problems.
You've probably been through this cycle before but I guess when it's last chance saloon, everything is worth a shot again.
Hope this helps.
Laura
Hi, just to say thanks to those of you that replied to my post. Your kind words helped me so much when I felt so low and at my wits end. Things are back on an even keel at the moment so onwards and upwards. Bob was so strong for those 3 months but since he slipped, he has struggled, however it seems that he has pulled himself together. Long may it last !! I think you are all amazing supporting each other, this site seems to be a life line, it is to Bob. ( he types so slowly it keeps him out of trouble most of the time ) Keep strong everyone and thanks. Lozza
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