Enoughs enough

Hi Becky,

Well done for having the courage and motivation to post your ambitions on here. I am in a similar position to your self and I'm taking every day one step at a time. I look forward to reading your future posts and giving you many congratulation messages throughout the milestones to recovery.

Regards,

SierraJuliet

Hi SierraJuliet,

Thank you for your kind words. Its good to know i'm not alone and really appreciate your support.

Regards

Becky

Keep at it Becky

Your certainly not alone

Thanks Triangle.

Today has been ok, the urges have been there but i've managed to keep myself busy. I had a reality check though when i went through my bank statements and saw exactly how much debt i'm in. I can't believe how stupid i've been.

Although i want to keep kicking myself i know that its no good, the money is gone and all i can do is look to the future and try and find a way to get myself out of this mess.

The past two days have flown by. My children have kept me busy; its been lovely to spend some time with them without always thinking about getting on the computer to bet.

I know i've got dark days to come but hopefully writing on here will get me through them. Today is going to be another day i do not gamble.

Hi NT

I wish i had read your post a few hours ago!

I don't know whats wrong with me. I go a few days and think i'm 'cured' then bang i'm gambling again! Its like i turn into a different person. I was so pleased yesterday,i finally thought i was on the right track. I'd made plans to take my children for days out this week and now all the moneys gone and i've let them down again.

I feel so low, like i'm the worst mum in the world. I need to face up to things and admit that i have a serious problem and i can't just click my fingers and make it all better.

Over three years i have gone from having a comfortable lifestyle, minimum debt and enough savings to cover 'emergencies' to having nothing. My credit cards are maxed; my savings have gone. And its not just financial loss; i'm not the person i used to be. I'm moody and irritable, i hardly see my friends and family and my children don't get the attention they deserve. Even my work colleagues constantly ask if i'm ok as i'm not 'happy go lucky' like i used to be.

Anyway i need to end this post as my children are on their way home from their dads and i don't want them to see me in tears.

Becky

Its really hard reading my post from last Sunday but i am glad i wrote on here as i now have a permanent reminder of how low gamling makes me feel. Its not just the financial loss it's the realisation that once i start i can not stop until i am an emotional wreck. I need to stop this destructive behaviour and make a change for myself and my children.

I've now installed blocking software; i've shredded my credit cards and i have even brought my router to work and locked it in my draw. I know that will power alone is not enough, i need to do all i can to prevent access to any gambling sites.

I have spoken to two close friends about my problem and although they were shocked they have been really helpful and just listened to me which i think i really needed. Its suprising how much better it makes you feel to unburden yourself on someone.

I have also reported my bank cards as lost so that for the next few days i have to physically go into the bank to withdraw cash; online gambling which is my problem should be fairly impossible.

All this aside though i know that it is up to me to stop and i am the only one that can make it happen.

Please Rebecca its day 6 today; make it to day 7.

Hi Becky,

Glad to see the massive differnce between your last two posts.

Trust me those gamble free days will build up faster than you realise and every day you go gamble free will increase your positivity and resolve.

Yesterday friends were asking why I werent having a bet on the National. I just said why would I want to ruin my 108 day 'run' with a poxy bet on a 10 minute event.

Keep building those days up. Why not join the 2015 Challenge on the Overcoming Problem Gambling Forum

Hi Becky, your story sounds just like mine, I also have two children who I have neglected through wasting money on on line slot sites, and then been unable to afford a day out with. I feel I have wasted so much time and money on these sites and feel sick when I think about how stupid I have been, when I'm playing on the sites I think nothing of making deposit after deposit and chasing my losses, it's as if its not real money!!

Anyway, I wanted to say well done on your 7 days, we CAN beat this horrible addiction, keep thinking about all the negatives and how bad you feel after losing, that works for me. For now anyway... take care and stay strong, don't be too hard on yourself you are not alone in this battle, Jaz x

Hi everyone,

Thank you all for your posts. Its great to get advice and support, i can't believe how well you are all doing and how long you have all abstained for! It just shows anything is possible if you give it 100%. I have taken up the 2015 challenge, i think it will give me that extra push to keep going a day at a time instead of looking for a quick fix to my problem.

Thanks to you all I have finally realised that this is a life long battle.

Have a lovely Sunday everyone.

Becky

Day 10

Feeling extremely proud. Still no home internet, won't reconnect until I'm feeling stronger.

Working now until Monday so should keep me out of trouble.

Day 14!!!

Two weeks in and feeling positive. The urges this week have been less frequent but they seem to be more intense. I have done that much exercise when i haven't been at work that i should have thighs of steel!

I do not want to get complacent though as i have slipped many times and there is no way i want to do that again. The internet is still disconnected at home (at work now) and will stay that way for the time being.

I have noticed a big differece in my children, they seem much happier and are enjoying all the walks and bike rides we have been doing. It shames me how much my mood swings and lack of attention has affected them. I will put it right though; they are my world and i want them to be happy everyday.

Once again a big thank you to everyone who has been supporting me. Once my internet is back i will post personal thank yous to you all.

Becky

Day 21

Thanks NT for your continued support, really appreciate it.

Tough week this week. I came close yesterday to giving in, i couldn't stop thinking about gambling no matter what i did. I'm pleased to say i didn't and i woke up this morning feeling so much better.

If only there was a magic pill that would take all the urges away!

I considered re-connecting my home internet at the beginning of the week but after yesterday i realised that its really not a good idea. Its just a shame that i'm tied into a contract so i have to pay no matter what i use, although compared to what i'm saving not been able to gamble - its a small loss.

I've decided to treat myself to a beauty treatment this week for making it to 21 days. Its something i wouldn't have comtemplated a month ago; why would i 'waste' my money on such things when i could be spending it online! Its funny how warped your thinking is when you are in the gambling 'fog'.

Anyway lots to do today,

Becky

I've been struggling this week. I keep having the same argument with myself; part of me wants to have one small bet; where as the other part (the one i'm listening to) does not want to gamble. Its a nightmare!

I just don't understand why i still want to do something that is so distructive and leaves me feeling miserable. Why can't i relish the good things not gambling brings, having money for once, spending time with my children and feeling lighter and happier in myself.

What is so appealing about throwing money away on a machine with flashing lights??

Sometimes i think its the distraction i crave, not having to think about real life for a few hours. What i need to drill into my head though is that it inevitably effects real life; after a binge i don't sleep, i hardly eat and my mood is low. This then has a knock on effect with my children.

Its still early days though. I'm just going to keep doing what i'm doing, as long as the urge stays in my head and i do not act upon it i will be ok. I don't want to go back to day one, i want to stay strong and keep racking up the days.