Enoughs enough

After 41 days of doing so well i have slipped. I'm more cross about the lost days then the lost money. All that time and effort wasted.

I'm not going to get upset or make excuses. I chose to gamble today. I wish i could take it back; go back in time and walk away but i can't. I thought about pretending it never happened but whats the point? I'm only lying to myself.

I wish i could be like normal people. My parents gamble. They can go to the casino, have a few drinks, play a few machines then win or lose, go home happy(ish). Not me. If i win i stay and play longer until every penny is gone. If i lose, i put in more and more money until every penny is gone. Then i'll go home, bring out the credit card and play online. Then its the same senario. I might as well take my wages every month and put them in the dust bin.

The thing is even knowing all this i've still gambled; why??

More effort i think is the only way to move forward. How i'm not sure but i'm going to have to figure it out as this cycle can not continue. I can't keep going back to day one.

Well done on coming back on here and being honest with yourself.

A key phrase that you mentioned and one that I am quickly coming to terms with ...." I chose to gamble". Although this is an addiction and there is a degree of compulsion there, it is also a choice. A decision which in the moment can feel like a difficult one but retrospectively feels like it should be easy.

Although you are back to day 1, the past 41 are not wasted. Pick up where you left off, do something positive and from now onwards choose not to gamble, we feel like we don't have control, but the reality is it is our choice.

Good luck

Luke

Thanks Luke, you are completely right it is our choice.

Its been a tough week again this week, not so much with urges to gamble but with dealing with the guilty feelings my 'slip' has created. I don't think i have slept in days; i keep waking up worried about money. I know i can't bring back all the money i have previously spent but i'm not sure how to move forward and get my finances sorted out. I'm considering taking out a loan but not sure if this is the answer.

Gambling wise i'm so angry with myself for slipping that the odd urges have been pretty managable. It's helped that i've accidentally done something to my mobile which is preventing me from going online; its annoying but as its helping me i'm not in a rush to get it fixed.

Becky

Hi Becky put K9 on mobile an any other devices. It's free and stops you being tempted. Make sure you put random password in that you won't remember so you can't take it off. It's free an blocks gambling sites.

This giving up lark is hard an I just plod on from day to day but stop from gambling by rereading my posts to remind myself how I felt at the beginning. The lies an the lows, financially, the mood swings. So you had a slip, but none of us are perfect. And you have come back. Stay strong Mary

Hi Becky,

How have things been for you recently?