Finally getting better

Well done Rob and welcome!! I have a gambling problem too. Wishing you well on your journey, I wish I could be open as you are with those around me 🙂

It's good to see you here Rob. Being open about your feelings and recognising those triggers is a great starting point. It sounds as though you are now ready to start rebuilding a new life. One built on feelings of self worth, self knowledge and self esteem.

LB x

Great to see you back Rob. I to was overwhelmed with the response you received just goes to some what a great community this place can be.

Hi Rob,

Really fantastic to see you in high spirits! Kind of new sensations in life isn't it...i am glad you are able to open up, that's truly the step forward.
I also used to hurt myself physically in my younger days. Mainly punching the wall...my knuckles haven't recovered fully...& it's been over 15years since i did it. I cut myself few times also. I guess it just gives us release and as you said before - makes us feel alive and just "feel".

I am glad to hear you're making changes in your life. It's positive step ☺

Believe in yourself and you're definitely able to turn your life around...nice & steady, show some kindness to yourself...you're on the right track

Sandra x

I just wanted to say you guys are amazing ty so much for the kind words.and support it means so much.
I had a good night last night now i dont have the ability to play online, i got 3 hours of study done and i really enjoyed it, what made it even better is i did not have that distraction of thinking i will play a hour of poker first.
And that in itself made my focus on study so much better and enjoyable.

Another good day, focused got 4 hours study done, feeling positive, took a knock yesterday because of all the issues at end of last year and beginning of this year i had not studied at all for my first exam, which i took last week i did really badly and the comments from my tutor ripped me down, but instead of being self destructive i said to myself, i dont feel so bad because i did not study at all, i would have felt terrible if i had spent loads of time studying and then got that result, i know i am not stupid and i know what i can do when i put my mind to it, for example recently i memorised all the elements of the periodic table in 2 days. So i am accepting this result brushing myself down, studying every day now so when my next exam in one month comes round i will smash it.

I just wanted to say thank you all again,and no maybe thank you so so much, i was in tears when i read your post because i understand you and you understand me, it took so much courage for you to post that, and iam so glad you are healing to, ty again sweetheart x

Ty again no maybe, if there is any advice i can ever give you or you need to vent anything please feel free to let me know.

Another good day today focused on work and study, I know that the healing process is beginning because over the last few days i have done something i have not done before i have been admiting my gambling problem to friends and people that iam close with, i have not shared about the cutting and issues when i was younger, but i explained that my gambling was to cope with other issues and i used it to escape them instead of trying to work through them, which the thought of that just scared the #### out of me.
This has come as quite a shock to them, but it felt good to own up to my issue and take responsibilty for my previous actions

Well done Rob a massive step. I knew for years I had a gambling problem but it wasn't till it all came out that I started to believe myself that I wanted this hell to stop.

I feel admitting is the start and by telling others you are accepting you just can't carry on.

I think I have shared my problem with about 50 friends and family and I'm sure some of them will have shared it with another 50 lol.

I don't care I'm not ashamed of my gambling anymore but I'm still ashamed of the pain I caused others I can't make that disappear but I can make sure I don't add anymore hurt go forward.

Have you looked at some outside help counselling through Gamcare or look for a GA meeting. I know from our previous chats you are not the most confident so one to one counselling might suit you.

It's great to see you sharing keep it up mate it can only help you. Maybe come and join chat tonight between 8-9

KTF

Traumatic events that haunt my past, their effects for a life time did last.
The knocks the put downs the physical and mental pain, pinned me down with disgust hurt and shame.
Not being able to control the pain inside, i took to numb it from the outside.
I gambled to lose so i did not have to try, i cut my arms so out loud i would not cry.
Picking up the razor, i think to myself it can do me a favour.
You are worthless nothing and broken to, this is all you deserve and all your good for to.
I run it down my arm, the brief pain is of no alarm
The warm blood starts to run, but for that short time i feel alive and not numb.
This is how i managed the pain for a brief moment iam in control of me again.
The shame of who iam soon comes back, then the darkness within me takes me hopes of future back.
The scars soon heal but leave their mark, its a reminder of times of dark.
I hope in the future that my demons will dispell, then i can finally be rid of this burdening hell.
The true person iam clings on inside, one day he will have his time to shine.
Iam funny loyal kind and smart, i have a good heart.
That does not show all the time because of my clouded mind,
But its what has kept me fighting the past holding down.
I have hopes for the future and a happier life, this thoughts i have not had for a long long time.
So thank you all on this site, for the support and courage to continue my fight.
I have been close to fully give in,and nearley been enveloped but the demons with in.
But right at the last moment i have always pulled through.
But it takes so much strength to accomplish this to.
Iam tired of being held by things from the past, but i feel their grip loosening at last.
Forgivness and empathy is where i start, but the bad things that happened in my life is a big part.
I am victim of these things ,but iam also a victim of my own making.
To forgive others and need to forgive myself, and then the healing process with help with everything else.

Thanks for listening

Incredible rob27. You should be so very proud of yourself ... reclaiming your life. Truly inspirational.

Another really powerful post Rob. You have so much going for you in this recovery (in my opinion). You know where your feelings and emotions stem from. You acknowledge them. You know what behaviours they trigger. And now you're finding ways to move on from those feelings and behaviours...taking steps towards healing the past. It's clearly not easy, but you are strong and capable. Do you have any help to process your feelings? There's lots of help and support available if you need to take it.

Keep on, keeping on. LB x

Good on you Rob.

There's a life out there to be had and you sure have earned it. Accepting the past and learning to live with the sometimes over burdening emotions is a good starting block. Keep facing up to the internal and the externals will answer to you...

Strength and honor...

Paul

Hey all ty for all the kind words and support it means so so much

Had a good day today,focusing on work and study. No urges to gamble or cut,
Feeling better than iam learning how to cope with knocks and reminders of the past in a more constructive way.