Ok so where to start.
Firstly I will give you guys a quick run down of my current situation. I'm 27. I'm engaged to a beautiful woman that I love very much. We both have good jobs. Currently saving for a wedding that is booked in for next year. We are also planning on getting a mortgage shortly after. I've just lost 10k of savings 2 days ago over the span of 24 hours (online slots).
Now into more detail.
I first started gambling at around the age of 8/9 after watching and playing with people on the fruit machines at the pub. From there i started playing in arcades at around the age of 14. Then I went to university and had the odd go in the casino but nothing major. I was rarely going out my way to look to gamble. After Uni I got a job near some arcades. I would often go in after work and spend all my days wages on rainbow riches. Then about 3 years ago I found the dreaded online casinos. It was so accessible and the money wasn't tangible so I lost control. (I'm a sucker for chasing losses). I don't live or work by any arcades or casinos now but still get sucked into the online slots. I'm not a slow gambler that does it every day. I gamble hard and fast then have a break. Just over a year ago I lost 3k and was in a bad state, not financaly just mentally. Time passed and I got over it. Didn't gamble after. Thats until about 6 months ago. I won 10k on the slots online. I banked it and it thought that would be the end of it. At the start of this year I had 22k in joint savings. We bought a 12k car and was planning on saving the rest for our future wedding and house. Until my addiction kicked in 2 days ago and found myself back on the slots. Before I knew it I had lost all our savings. I'm not in any kind of debt and never have been but I feel so depressed and can't stop thinking about. Have hardly slept at all and can't hold a conversation with my partner who does not know. I feel sick to my stomach. She knew about my previous loss of 3k but just thought it was a one off. She doesn't know I have a problem and until deciding to write this I was blind to it also. I deal with the account so she will never know what's happened. We will be able to save enough for the wedding and house also (going to be tight). The guilt and shame is killing me the most but I know if she ever finds out she will leave me forever because she told me that after forgiving me after my last loss.
So yes I'M an ADDICT and it is the first time I have ever admitted it or told anyone. This is my road to recovery. I will update regularly and keep everyone in the loop. I hope that I can look back on this one day and be proud of how much I have progressed and hopefully inspire other to overcome the horrid addiction.
Have a wonderful evening everyone. X
Hi express just dropping in to say Hi. And thanks for sharing your story with us. I'll look out for future updates on how you're getting on
Deano
3 days after the big loss and no gambling. Feeling a bit better today. The guilt and shame is still there but just trying to take it one baby step at a time. I don't feel the urge to win it back. Just trying to focus on what's ahead. Valentine's today so getting a card with such a lovely message off my fiancГ© was hard knowing that I had blown a huge chunk of our savings. Onwards and upwards anyhow. Keep pushing guys.
Hi express25
Welcome and good to hear you are admitting you have a gambling problem and you WANT to stop. I can relate to all the issues you are having at the minute and so can every CG on here ! You say you've hardly slept along with all the guilt and shame you are feeling due to your gambling, everyone has gone through that so you are not alone on that front mate ! I know this is going to seem very hard for you to do but if I can give one bit of advice from my own experiences I would tell your girlfriend rather than her find out at a later date as my wife did and I'm now living on my own away from my wife and 2 kids and let me tell you there is not a worse feeling ever than this. Yes she probably is going to be very angry with you but in time and with the help of the gamcare services I'm sure things will get better. Also I found telling more people about my gambling addiction has help me along on my road to recovery. They say you have to forget the money you have lost which is very true as if you start thinking about that it drags you back into the horrible world of gambling !! Well done on being 3 days GF by the way the early days are the hardest, I am 49 days GF today and looking forward to reaching my first milestone tomorrow the big 50 !!
"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"
All the Best
Darren
Hi express
I echo the comments above, I really would suggest telling your partner. She will find out at a later date. Trust me as someone who has tried to hide things several times only for them to come out at some point and cause twice as much damage as they would have done had I come clean at the time.
Lying just strings it on for even longer. And it will come out six months or a year from now when things are a lot better between you and your partner and you'll be back at square one with the trust all gone.
"The gambling I can understand and forgive, but it's the lie that kills me." I was told those words by a girlfriend and they will always stick with me.
Couldn't of said it any better vamp !!
Thanks for the advice guys. The only problem is if tell her now or she finds out later the relationship will be over either way. I don't want to loose her and shouldn't of been so stupid. I guess that why it's called an addiction.
It's her choice love..not yours...by not telling her you are deceiving her...and yourself into thinking all is well at home...it's not ....is it ?
Just over a year ago I was saying just the same as you....today...everybody in my life that needs to know about my addiction. ...knows about it....
And thankfully all is well in my home....
I can't possibly know how things will turn out for you love...what i do know is....you stand a much better chance of tackling this addiction with support from the other half...good luck x
Hi express25
As Loxxie has said it's her choice not yours mate unfortunately and along with Loxxie I have being in this position very recently and just wish I was man enough to tell my wife rather than her find out yet again, I'm not saying the outcome would be any different but I think they give us a little bit more respect for owning up to our wrongs. The thing we do is we over think things all the time, she could be very supportive towards you. I know it sounds very hard but I would be letting her know sooner rather than later !! Look forward to watching out for future posts on this mate.
Darren
4 day GF.
Hi all. No urges to gamble so far. Just feeling pretty low and worried about being able to afford to do little things in the future whilst saving for a wedding and deposit on a house. Good to see the days go up though. Only a quick entry today. Speak soon!
5 days gamble free.
Hi all. Start to come to terms with everything now. Still heavily depressed inside but having to smile on the outside. I know you are recommended to tell people and ask for help but I just can't put the burden and misery on anybody else. Especially my fiancГ©. I'm trying to take an unconventional route and recover without causing anybody else pain. It's my wrong doing and my responsibility. I will get through this and hopefully one day I can smile for real.
Good night guys x
It's less about putting the pain and misery on someone else and more about honesty openness and transparency going forward. Better to be accountable to someone other than you.
CW
Day 6 GF
No urges to gamble. Just focusing on saving and the future. The loss and shame is still in my mind but I guess it's starting to get a tad better. Got called into work today after little sleep but powering though. Only a quick update as I'm on my break.
Have a good day guys x
You can justify not telling her for all kinds of reasons but every last one is the addiction talking. Not telling her is not only unfair to her but also leaves you only accountable to yourself and therefore open to all the justifications to gamble the addiction can come up with. There's a thread in the Overcoming Gambling section asking for those who have taken the silence route for their success stories. It's very short on replies. I can't think of one person here who has come clean who's regretted it whatever the outcome. Secrets are corrosive. Getting them out into the open brings relief from the burden of dragging them around and the constant lying to hide them.
I understand what you are saying and wish I had the guts to do so. I would be left with no job, no place to live (I work for her parents and rent a place off them) and most importantly no fiancГ©. I don't see any other option at this moment in time.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
