Focussed and not willing to give in.

@dazza85 👌💪💙

🩷🍎.

Nice post mate. Glad you are still doing well. 

I think you hit the nail on the head with many points there. We all want to quit to have a normal life and sometimes that life is not that exciting. Sometimes the crazy buzz of gambling is what we think back to. Unfortunately we always do this in a way that forgets the even crazier lows. The sleepless nights, the panic, the stress, the pain we cause others. Quitting is about learning to become a normal person. A person who goes through life enjoying life for what it is. Being able to spend money, to sleep, to be open and honest with those around us. Chasing the dopamine buzz only leads to crushing lows. A few hours of high, for several weeks of low. Not really worth it when you put it like that.

Enjoy normal life mate. I am. It's so much better than anything else.

Stay strong 👍 

Today is Day 400 Gamble Free.

Hitting 400 days feels significant. Not because everything is magically perfect, but because it represents consistency. Four hundred days of choosing not to gamble. Four hundred days of saying no to something that used to control my thinking, my finances, and my emotions. There’s something steady and solid about that number.

This week tested me in a way I wasn’t really expecting.

The person I sold my online gaming account to reached out. Completely out of the blue. They said the gaming community “missed me” and that I could have my old account back free of charge if I wanted it. No cost. Just take it back.

On the surface, that might not seem like a big deal. But for me, it hit deeper than that. That account represented a huge part of my old life, the late nights, the obsession, the constant stimulation, and for me, the crossover mindset that fed into gambling behaviours. Even if gaming itself wasn’t gambling, it was tied to the same addictive patterns: escape, reward loops, chasing progression, needing that buzz.

I replied and said no. Clear and simple.

But I want to be honest, the difficult part wasn’t saying no. The difficult part was the thoughts that came after.

For a brief moment, my mind tried to negotiate. “You could just take it back and resell it.” “It’s free, that’s smart financially.” “It doesn’t mean you have to go back to the lifestyle.”

That’s how addiction talks. Not loudly. Not dramatically. Just quietly and logically. Trying to find a loophole.

I didn’t act on it. I didn’t entertain it beyond recognising it. But it was a reminder that even at 400 days, I can’t afford complacency. My brain is still capable of spinning a story that makes unhealthy decisions sound reasonable.

What made it harder was the underlying message: the gaming community missed me. There’s ego in that. There’s identity in that. It plays on belonging and nostalgia. And it also highlights something that’s uncomfortable not everyone understands or supports recovery in the way we might hope.

Some people don’t see addiction the way we do. To them, it’s just a hobby. Just a bit of fun. Just moderation. They don’t understand that for some of us, there is no “just one.” There’s no safe version. There’s no dipping a toe back in.

It’s difficult when people in your life, even unintentionally, tempt you back toward something you’ve worked hard to leave behind. Not because they’re malicious, but because they simply don’t get it. They aren’t wired the same way.

But this experience also strengthened something in me. I didn’t hesitate in my response. I didn’t ask for more details. I didn’t bargain. I said no and left it there.

Four hundred days ago, I don’t think I would have had that clarity. I would have justified it. I would have convinced myself it was harmless. I would have opened the door “just to look.”

Today, I protect my peace more than my pride. I protect my recovery more than nostalgia. And I accept that not everyone will understand that decision and that’s okay.

Day 400 isn’t about feeling invincible. It’s about recognising growth. I saw the trap. I saw the mental loophole. And I chose differently.

That feels like real progress.

@dazza85 Hi Dazza.

Congratulations on reaching 400 days!👏👏👏. Cause for a treat maybe?.😆.

I must admit, it has taken me back to my own journey and getting over 470 g.f days before I had my two (close together) lapses!🙈. Still, I keep reminding myself that by 1st of April this year, I will have gone 2 years g.f minus 2 lapses.

keep doing what you are doing and continue to think the way you are doing also.

I hope all is ok health wise and I often keep you in my nightly prayers 🤞🙏🙏.

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Thanks Pink Lady. It's appreciated.  I need those nightly prayers at the moment feels like there is always something. 

Afternoon tea out this weekend is my little treat by the way! ☺️ 

Well done Dazza. 400 is amazing

Today is "Day 414 Gamble Free".

Checking in again as I’ve reached another small milestone. Day 414 today. I wouldn’t say things are amazing right now, but I’m doing okay overall. Life at the moment feels a bit like I’m being squeezed from multiple directions, mostly because of the combination of work and university.

Work has been quite heavy this week. There’s a lot going on and it feels like one of those periods where everything seems to land at the same time. On top of that, the university side of things doesn’t slow down just because work gets busy. Deadlines, reading, assignments, and trying to stay on top of everything means the pressure builds up a bit. I wouldn’t say I’m overwhelmed, but I do feel slightly cornered by it all right now.

The important thing is that I haven’t had any thoughts about gambling itself. There’s been no urge to place a bet or go back to that life. But I want to be honest and say that I have had some thoughts about certain elements of gambling and gaming that I still miss from time to time. Not the destruction or the aftermath, obviously, but the buzz, the sense of excitement, the feeling of being part of something in the moment.

That’s been more noticeable this week because it’s Cheltenham. Anyone in the UK will know what that means this time of year. In work there’s a lot of talk about it. People discussing horses, talking about their bets, running sweepstakes, and generally getting caught up in the excitement of the races. It’s everywhere in conversation at the moment.

What I’ve noticed is a bit of a feeling of missing out. Not because I want to gamble again, but because there’s a social side to it that I’m not part of anymore. When people are discussing their picks or laughing about a lucky win, there’s a small part of me that feels like I’m standing on the outside of the circle.

I want to be clear though, that’s not their fault. They’re just doing what most people do. Most people can place a normal bet and it doesn’t spiral into something destructive. I’m the one who can’t handle that. I’ve accepted that reality a long time ago. Still, it doesn’t mean the feeling of missing out disappears completely.

Right now it’s making me feel a little less positive than usual, but I also know these things pass. Cheltenham will be over in a few days and work conversations will move on to the next thing. The feeling will fade just like it always does. Recovery isn’t about never feeling these moments, it’s about recognising them and letting them pass without acting on them.

On the health side of things, I’ve also been going through a number of tests recently. Nothing dramatic to report yet, but it feels like every corner I turn there’s another appointment or another thing to check. It does play on your mind a bit when multiple things are happening at once. I’m trying not to overthink it and just take each step as it comes.

Because of all that, this week has really become about managing rather than thriving. Work is heavy, uni is demanding, health stuff is ongoing, and there are a few emotional triggers floating around in the background. So my focus right now is simple: just give my best effort to get through the week.

And honestly, that’s okay.

Not every week has to feel like progress or victory. Sometimes recovery just means holding your ground when life gets busy or stressful. I’m still gamble free. I’m still turning up to work. I’m still doing the university work. I’m still moving forward even if it feels slower than I’d like.

Day 414 isn’t about feeling perfect. It’s about continuing to live life without gambling, even when things feel a bit heavy.

And that’s enough for today.

@dazza85 Hi Dazza.

Lovely to hear from you again and see that you are still remaining g.f and those g.f days are racing by!

You do seem to have a lot going on. As have I and like you, I am just trying to “be in the moment” with each and every hurdle that gets put in front of me. Try my best to deal with each hurdle one by one and at the same time, not allow it to overwhelm/get the better of me. After doing all this then it’s time to JUST BREATH!

I didn’t even realise it was Cheltenham this week! I do know from last year however that you were slightly worried about this. Well done though for managing those thoughts much better this time around 👏👏👏👌.

Take care and I will continue to keep you in my prayers regarding your current health issues 🤞🙏🙏.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Hi Dazza

Just checking in to say hello and hoping that all is ok in your world 🤞🙏.

Take care and hope you are having a good week.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Today marks 434 days gamble free for me.

I want to start by apologising for not being around here as much as I’d like. Life has been full on lately with work and other commitments pulling me in all directions. Even though I haven’t been posting regularly, I’m still here in spirit, still committed, and most importantly still gamble free.

Overall, I’ve been doing okay. Not perfect, but steady and that’s something I’m proud of.

Recently though, something happened that really tested my mindset.

I found out that a neighbour of mine had won a very large sum of money from a single spin online. When I first heard it, my head went into overdrive. I felt that familiar rush of emotions, anger that it was never me, frustration thinking about all the times I chased that kind of win, and then jealousy creeping in, imagining how life-changing that money could be, how it could clear debts and make things easier.

For a moment, I could feel how dangerous that thinking is. It’s exactly the kind of trigger that could pull someone like me straight back in. That “what if” voice gets loud very quickly.

But this time, things were different. I didn’t act on it. I’ve got blocks in place, barriers that stop me from acting impulsively, and they did their job. I stayed well away from it all, even though the thoughts were there.

Then, three days later, everything flipped.

That same neighbour came to me completely devastated. The bookies had told her there had been a “glitch” that she hadn’t actually won anything at all. Just like that, it was gone.

Honestly, I couldn’t believe it. How can they even do that? It made me think what’s stopping them from saying that about any big win? One minute someone’s life feels like it’s changed forever, and the next it’s ripped away.

My anger shifted. It wasn’t about me missing out anymore it was about how these sites operate. The way they can mess with people’s emotions, build them up and then tear them down like that… it’s disgusting.

Since then, I’ve seen multiple posts online from people saying similar things, big wins that suddenly become “glitches.” Whether it’s rare or not, it just reinforces something important for me.

This is not a safe or fair environment. It never was.

And strangely, instead of pulling me back in, this whole situation has made me feel even more grateful to be out of it. It’s a reminder of why I stopped in the first place. The stress, the chasing, the false hope, I don’t miss any of it.

434 days ago I made a decision, and moments like this show me that it was the right one.

To anyone reading this who might be struggling or triggered by stories of big wins, just remember, we never see the full picture. And even when it looks real, it’s not always what it seems.

Stay strong everyone.

Just noticed my last post had huge gaps between every paragraph. Annoying! 

Just a quick one for tonight. I'm doing okay, today is day 440 gamble free.  Nothing really to report for today other than I'm doing okay. No gambling actions, thoughts always in the background but I'm okay.  Been so busy but hope to spend some time reading some people's posts this evening. 

Take care all. 

Just typed a long post out and the forum timed out. Annoying. 

I'm doing okay though. Will rewrite again in a few days. 

Just posting today because it's day 444 gamble free and I love that number haha. Doing okay, no issues around gambling, just very busy with work and uni. Hope everybody is okay. 

Day 496 gamble free.

Sorry it's been so long since my last update. Life has been very busy lately, which I suppose is a good thing. Between work, family life, and everything else that comes with it, the days seem to disappear quickly.

Overall, things are going well. I recently had some time off work and enjoyed a lovely family holiday. It was great to switch off for a while, spend quality time together, and make some good memories. These are the moments that remind me what recovery is really about, being present and enjoying life without gambling constantly sitting in the background.

Health-wise, I'm doing as well as I can be. There are still challenges to manage, but I'm getting through them and taking things one day at a time. Nothing major to report, which I'll happily take.

One thing did happen recently that caught me off guard. The person I sold my online gaming account to contacted me through social media and told me they missed me in the community. They even offered to give me the account back for free if I wanted it. To be honest, this is probably the closest I've come to a gambling-related relapse in quite some time. It was genuinely tempting and brought back a lot of old thoughts and feelings.

Thankfully, I didn't act on it. Instead, I talked it through with my wife and gave myself time to think rather than making an emotional decision. Looking back now, I'm very grateful I chose to stay away. It was a reminder that temptation can still appear unexpectedly, even after a long period of recovery.

With the World Cup approaching, I'm also aware of another potential danger area. Major sporting tournaments have always been difficult periods for me in the past. Recently, I declined taking part in a sweepstake at work. If I'm honest, it felt more difficult than it probably should have, which tells me it's something I need to keep an eye on. Recovery isn't about becoming complacent, and moments like that are useful reminders to stay vigilant.

For now, though, things are steady. Nearly 500 days gamble free. I'm grateful for my family, grateful for the support around me, and grateful to still be moving forward one day at a time.

Thanks for reading, and I hope everyone else is doing well in their own journeys.

@dazza85 Hi Dazza.

Lovely to read that even when there is that temptation, you are now stopping to think more, discussing it with your partner and then reflecting on the situation. Instead of letting your emotions taking over. This is often all that is needed, once we have distanced ourselves for a long period of time from something that caused destruction and devastation for most of us on here.

Keep living life “normally” and keep reaping the rewards from doing so - sleep, peace of mind, available funds and most of all, enjoying life with your family 👌.

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.