Day 219 gamble free and feeling quite strange once again. I've just wrote a really long post and once again the fallen deleted it and didn't post it and all the uses have had this and I find it super frustrating. So now I'm attempting to type it all out again. Finding it difficult at the moment. As fish and Pink Lady have both had slips and I'm devastated to read that they've both slipped after having such a long time gamble-free and there's also some people in my ga meetings that have also slipped recently and it makes me ponder to myself. When is the end? When will this ever stop? Are we all destined to just slip? Is that the way that goes for everybody? It's really frustrating and getting me quite down works a lot at the moment. Very heavy, very many shifts. Long hours long day that coinciding with attending GA or the hobbies family Life. Just finding there's no time no space to breathe and it's getting me down. Always worries me that when I'm in this situation do I turn to gambling? I do I turn to going on the sick and I don't really want either of those.
Fatigued and feeling low.
You got this mate. I think the answer is that it never ends, it just gets easier, but as you've mentioned, a momentary lapse can catch anyone out. Trust me, you may feel low now, but imagine the horror of waking up knowing you'd lost all your money and focus on the way it used to make you feel. Sleepless nights and worry for a moment of dopamine buzz.
Keep up the great work mate.
Stay strong 👍
Thanks Fish. Day 234 gamble free and back to normal I would say. No gambling but I have had the occasional thought or wonder about wishing I could have a nice relaxing night out to the casino. Stupid really but I can't help my brain from thinking of those nights out I considered fun with my dad or best friends and then feeling annoyed with myself that I can't have them anymore because of my addiction. I'm finding it difficult to find comfort that those nights are no longer. Work is still intense, just got to get through the next 10 days then things should look up a lot in that respect. Family life going okay, middle laneing slightly whilst I balance work commitments. Pushing closer to that 1 year mark gamble free but I wouldn't say I'm finding it easy anymore, that would be a lie.
Day 237 gamble free. Not much to talk about today other than Temu. My wife asked me to order something from there for her birthday so I created an account and it was blown away by the levels they go to to try to manipulate you into becoming addicted to buying from them. I couldn't physically order what I needed without playing "find the ball under the cup" games and "picking the prize boxes". I logged off in disgust that they use gambling association to try to con customers into believing they have won some huge discounts.
Shocked me. End Rant.
Dazza....... just read ur diary...... over 6 months gamble free.....healthy new pursuits into safer gaming......switch games really are good arent they.... i play nintendo switch online retro games....spent five hours and completed the first game boy mario game the othe rday loved it.
All i can say is thansk soo much for all the posts on the diaries over the months.
Youve come a long way from where u were in january ....
#
Well done for the progress..
Lets get to new years and write some goals for the new year...
All the best adam
Thanks Adam I appreciate your post!
Day 244 gamble free today and I managed to get through the last two weeks of work hell. It's been a rough ride but with some perseverance im now on the other side! 1 day off in the past 18 days. Tired is an under statement. On the plus side there's been no gambling thoughts really at all. We had some expensive repairs this month at home and it's left us pretty skint. I feel guilty because we earn a decent wage between us and I hate to see so much of it go back out each month on debt repayment. It really P****s me off actually. That being said, it needs paying and there is only me to blame. It's going to be a minimum of 5 years from now before we start to feel any real benefit away from my gambling actions and that's assuming we don't need any future plans to help us. Such a stupid addiction that causes such long lasting financial damage!
Day 250 gamble free had a lovely weekend up in the lakes with the Mrs. Weather was rubbish but it was nice to get away for a couple of nights. Back to work tomorrow and I know it's gone to sh#t whilst I've been off so that's some added stress coming. No gambling thoughts but I do feel sick at the moment. Consultant recently mentioned they think I have a brain tumor.. not what you want to hear. So booked for an MRI in two weeks time. Trying not to overthink things at the moment but of course it's a worrying time and I need to make sure it doesn't move my thought process to "oh f#ck it".
Hi Dazza.
So sorry to hear this. I will keep you in my prayers this evening. 🤞🙏🙏🙏.
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Thanks Pink Lady, keeping positive for now, until the MRI could be wrong couldn't they. if it's right then il deal with it. Puts life and gambling into perspective though. Old Dazza would of just gone on a merry go ride of blowing my brains out now wasting money like anything but new me realise if I'm not here forever I should be leaving my family protected bot screwed! Today's day 251 gamble free and I remain refrained from all.
Sorry I've not been on for a while, life's been hectic! Today is Day 273 gamble free and I'm doing okay.
I've had my MRI regarding the possible brain tumour so now it's a waiting game. I decided against telling my parents and direct family as they would just worry. So for now it's between me, my wife and my local GA. Well and or course all of you readers! The MRI was bloody tight but to be really honest once I was inside I stayed quite calm closed my eyes and just relaxed for the duration.
I just had a weekend away with my wife and step daughter and inside the FAMILY hotel was both a slots machine and a roulette machine. I couldn't believe my eyes! A few years back I literally would of hammered both those machines under the false provision of having some fun. I stayed away from them but I couldn't stop sitting and watching the different people using them over and over. Knocked me sick a family hotel would put them in to make some money. Totally unprotected from the world of Gamban etc to the wrong person they could really provoke a response. Hate that!
Back to work today and that is the same old really. Pressure every day, not enough colleagues and not enough time in the day. Reduction in payroll feels like every week now. We do our best that's all that we can do! No desire to gamble right now just sick of being skint. Roll on about 6 years time and things will feel significantly stronger. It's a long time to wait though isn't it? Hope your all okay also.
Dazza
Hi Dazza. Glad to hear that you have now had your scan. I have heard that you are placed in a very tight/almost claustrophobic space so well done you for remaining calm under the circumstances 👏👏👏. I will be keeping you in my prayers this evening 🙏🙏.
Work these days for most, seems like a chore, with more to do and less money to ourselves due to over priced food, energy bills and everything else!🤷🏻♀️.
It’s good that you are remaining positive and nice to hear you have had a break away with your family 👌.
Not sure if you saw on the news yesterday that B*****d said they would have to close down all their shops due to increased rental costs or something like that. Like they are bothered given all the online customers they probably have. I just thought “how cheeky to even broadcast that on the news when people are struggling to even feed themselves/pay their bills”!!😡.
Look after yourself and take it easy.
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Best of luck Dazza. Sorry to hear your health problem. Hope the scan comes out all clear. Regarding gamble free for two hundred something days. Well done. I need to try as well.
286 Days Gamble free!
Just checking in guys, it’s been a while since my last pos again! Life’s been pretty full-on lately. I’ve started university at my age (lol) while working full time, and I’m still trying to keep up with my martial arts training on the side. Between it all, there’s not much spare time left, but honestly, that’s not a bad thing.
No thoughts or urges to gamble, just the usual stresses that come with juggling everything at once. It’s busy, sometimes exhausting, but I’m still moving forward and staying focused.
Hope everyone here is doing well and staying strong. Keep going - we’ve got this 💪
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