Topic 2 post, after the dopamine one, and I hope everyone will add their own comments on how their base level looks.
For me the foundation I put in place through advice given on this site was the key to me starting my own recovery. Everyone's journey is different so the comments below are just what has worked for me. There are three analogies that really resonate with me about the foundations we build our recovery from and how important it is to get these in place before anything else. No one can fix all their problems in one day. There is no medication or shortcut to recovery so that ground zero base has to be as sturdy as it can.
For a tree to grow it needs roots. The higher a tree grows the stronger and deeper those roots need to be.
When building a house, the most important thing to start with are the foundations. You can't start building walls, cover it with a roof and decorate without having the foundations strong enough to start with.
When climbing a tall mountain, one would arrive at ground zero. This is where any climber would check his equipment is all in place to ensure he climbs the mountain without any mishaps.
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So with the above in mind, I check every so often that my own foundations to recovery are sturdy and in place. If I need to add or replace I do so.
For me, foundations to recovery are all about friction between myself and that first bet. One bet will always be one too many and it would lead to a thousand which would never be enough. So my foundations are
1. Blocks and self exclusion. I have self exclusion through Gamstop, Gamprotect, Moses and Sense. I haven't been into bookmakers for 15 years and casinos for 34 years but why risk it, so those are in place. To make sure I wrote to all 60 plus bookmakers that I had online accounts with and self excluded with them directly, just to make sure. I have Gamban on all devices and I mean all devices so it's impossible to place a bet online for me without going far afield.Â
2. Banking. I switched to an online bank so there are no branches. It's one that charges for a withdrawal so it is an added barrier and I reduced my daily withdrawal limit to the minimum. I blocked gambling transactions on it which means there is a 48 hour cool off period to change any of the items mentioned in point 2.Â
3. Minimum cash in my pocket. I don't carry around a large amount of money which I don't need. In face I rarely carry anything around but my partner knows what I have and I get receipts for everything and put them in a jar.Â
4. Accountability. Ideally I would hand over all my banking to my partner but she has a busy life. Instead I leave my phone with her if I leave the room and she has the passcode for my banking apps so can check whenever she likes. In action I would never do that but I don't even ask if she has looked. When I see my parents I show them my banking app so they can see no gambling or cash withdrawals. It may make me feel like a child but it's safety.Â
5. I regularly check that I am at least half an hour away from placing a bet wherever I am. That's not easy but if an urge did come it will last for up to half an hour and be gone. I need enough friction in place to change my mind.
6. I have a post it note in my car which says don't do it. That could look different for anyone else but for me to place a bet quickly I would have to drive out of area or find an internet cafe so the note is my last chance to change my mind. I also have one in my wallet as a reminder as well. I guess a picture of someone you love would work as well though.
7. Disaster list. This is part of my foundations and every so often I will write a list of what happens if I place that first bet. How it would make me feel, what it would do to others and how I would lose this amazing life in recovery. I think it's good to remember the chaos
8. The more multi layer friction the better. I include in that the very good advice from GA about not associating with gambling acquaintances where possible. Don't enter or walk past any gambling establishments as there is usually another way or walk on the other side of the street where possible. For me the hardest thing to do, and o*g the voice of addiction tells me to, is to not look up any horse racing results. I try and stay away from any triggers where I can. Adverts I ignore and then I am the winner as they have wasted their money trying to attract me back.
What does everyone else's foundation look like as I would love to read yours and get any tips. Also are there any other topics around recovery you can suggest that the community can talk about ?
For me the friction between me and another bet has changed dramatically over the years.......
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At first i struggled with online poker....... i used to lose a months wages (dispossable) every month and i used to lose then self exclude then repeat..... there was no gamstop back then so there was no way at all to stop this cycle of hurt...... Then Gamstop was created and i managed to sign up to it...... That was the last time i gambled online....I knew that there were other sites that arent on gamstop but ive allways knew thru horror stories that they would be on a path i really didnt want to go down.....
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So online was over back in probably just after i signed up to gamcare.... back in 2015....... But i thoughts that as i like poker soo much and thought if i went to live pub games i would spend less than online and have the excitement...... so i joined the pub poker scene and what went from one day turned into two then three then four then five days a week...... altohugh i was winning at poker at first i also started to use the fruitmachines.....I went thru differnet periods of doing well and i really did enjoy the company and the friends i made...... however my work life suffered and the fruitmachines losses got worse and worse...... So i then wanted to stop pub poker  and there was no way to exclude....... so each night id get home from work and debate going out to it....i used to go and come back and go on gamcare and get the tough love then start again..... It was tough for half a year to a year...... to two years....... Then as work life became even worse i got put on performance management where they sent me an email each morning saying everything id done wrong the day before........ Then as i was drinking, gambling, being unfit and healthy, and having skitsophrenia....... in 2018 i went to the poker and lost, then kept going to the cahs machine and losing on a fruit machine untill id spent 300 pounds and couldnt get out anymore..... Then the next day i went on holiday with my folks and drunk at a festival the day before..... then had a skitsophrenic episode on the holiday where i had voices non stop and no sleep for six days........ then at that moment i thought,,,,,,, i had a eureka moment and thought no more alcohol,,,,,, no more gambling,,,,,,,, and then had a meeting at work and they described me as disabled and they would make allowances and adjustments...... and so i kept my job...... i then spent the rest of the year working on my health and no vices at all for the next 8 years.......Â
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I did even tho have this moment on my birthday 9 months later think one game of pub poker as a gift to myslef...... may 2019 of course i won and reigneted the flames...... so i started again and got hooked again to pub poker..... but then when i started playing fruit machines in the december of 2019 the tuesday the second of december 2019 i went to the heath pub and wnet to play poker but went on the fruit machine first and as i put the money in i thought you what the problems are starting again...... again.... again..... same cycle..... i was like right STOP
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And from that moment i havent gambled since........ Theres allways ways to gamble .......theres no way to stop being able to........ I just realised no matter what for me it doesnt suit me...... it stresses me out....... i allways lose......and its not healthy.....
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I have all possible blocks......
sense for casnios
Moses for bookies.....
Gamstop for online
Gamban for all devices.....
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I can still walk in a pub and gamble
I can still walk in a booke and gamble they may not pay out if i win but i can gamble even tho on moses (they dont check)
I can still gamble on unregulated sites (not that they would pay out )
Gamban may run out soon and they may charge me for it (you cant exclude for life???????
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The thing is u really get to a point where you know it would be the worst thing to start again.... i mean i stil get tempted to poker games, still get invited...... but i know its a well trodden road of mine and im thru with that part of my life.....it would just be a total waste of time and resources....
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All the best hope this helps
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Adam123
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So well said Adam and it comes from the heart and from a legend on Gamcare. I agree that there are ways around all the blocks/friction and all they do is create a chance to change your mind. I think at the start of recovery they are useful but won't work forever. My sponsor asked me today if they ever stopped me and I said I hadn't tested them.Â
Accountability can't be knocked but it's not possible for everyone. You turn up each day on here and I'm sure thats accountability to yourself and the community
You've had a tough run on your own road to recovery which I've known when you have shared. As you say, it will always take determination and there is a lot in your words showing that you retrained your brain to not want to gamble, not just stop you from gambling.Â
I'm a believer that abstinence will only take me so far. That's why I set about in week three to ensure I knew a different way to live. One that I enjoyed more than ever having another bet. Most of all a life I didn't want to give up. I used to say that about gambling but no longer
Just for today I won't gambleÂ
What ive just realied is for me today and over the past couple of weeks ive been struggling with thoughts of wanting alcohol....... its gone thru my mind over and over and it will untill i succumb......then it will be regret that will fill my mind......so what ive realised is if u keep wanting to do something and its troubling your day to day thoughts it means its an important decision......one that shouldnt be taken lightly........ so in essence its ok to strugle with the thoughts.......as if weak and succumb too easily and get some alcohol...... tomo saturday ill have a hangover and REGRET......
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In essence its fine to struggle.....in fact you doing well if ur struggling and not REGRETTING
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Make sense?Â
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