Four years later...

Dear T2c,

the shame is normal. It's the healthy part of yourself that recognises you can do better. However, too much focus on shame could lead you right back to gambling. Try to forgive yourself. You are human, and the gambling system is created by people who have a good knowledge of psychology and they are using it against us! I am hearing your rock-bottomness (is that a term??) which is great on the one hand, as things probably cannot get much worse today. However, as you probably know you will start to rise from the ashes renewed and this is when the real risk is revealed. You have significant blocks in place to support your committment and this is great. You have been here before, so it might help to consider what you will do differently this time. I hear a part of you is longing to share the burden. On here is great for that, but it is difficult to suffer alone in real life. Maybe there is one good friend you could confide in? You do not have to tell all and sundry, just one may be enough to keep you strong and accountable? I am early days myself, but I just want to say you are not totally alone, and I believe in you.

Lightsout wrote:

Dear T2c,

the shame is normal. It's the healthy part of yourself that recognises you can do better. However, too much focus on shame could lead you right back to gambling. Try to forgive yourself. You are human, and the gambling system is created by people who have a good knowledge of psychology and they are using it against us! I am hearing your rock-bottomness (is that a term??) which is great on the one hand, as things probably cannot get much worse today. However, as you probably know you will start to rise from the ashes renewed and this is when the real risk is revealed. You have significant blocks in place to support your committment and this is great. You have been here before, so it might help to consider what you will do differently this time. I hear a part of you is longing to share the burden. On here is great for that, but it is difficult to suffer alone in real life. Maybe there is one good friend you could confide in? You do not have to tell all and sundry, just one may be enough to keep you strong and accountable? I am early days myself, but I just want to say you are not totally alone, and I believe in you.

Everything Lightsout said and emphasis on the accountability partner, I found this vital to my recovery. It's definitely time to start forgiving yourself so you can combat your addiction. You can't change the past but you can work towards creating yourself a better future.

Good Luck.

Conradnose

www.conradnose.com

Thanks both, I would like to tell someone, I just think if I did it would keep me strong but I just don't know how to go about it. In my family and with my friends I'm always the 'strong' one, successful at work, always there to help out (even financially but if only they knew that I've had to borrow to support in recent past) always with a plan. I'm just a fraud really - but maybe I used to be that person. I just don't know how I would raise the subject. Do you think I could just tell part of the story...not how long I've been struggling?? At least I haven't gambled today - thought about it alot though...