Fresh start........new approach........a u turn as it were for me.......ive spotted im on wrong road......Lets change

Hi stuart......  thanks for the post........ im ur 777 awesome...... nice one

Today and over past week ive been struggling with thoughts of alcohol...... now ive realised tonight that as im struggling with these thoughts it doesnt mean im failing at all it means its an imporrtant decision...... and id rather be struggling than hungover and regretfull

Work was good...im opening up to my manager however hes documenting it and ill look after wekend at what hes writing to be sure i can trust him and if it looks like it could lead to problems ill stop confiding in him....

Went to club today and played pool.....

Had a bath a football result wasnt good....

Now what's going thru my mind tonight is an I being naive discussing my mental health with my manager at work?  Recently I had a tough mental time and I had a day off sick......I discussed my thoughts with my manager at the time .....he said we would now have weekly catch ups....today I discussed other thoughts if had recently.......and he said the words "I've noted down our conversations and u can read them if u wish ...... I'm well grounded and feel free to discuss with me anything u need to"..... So now I'm thinking is he really helping ....I'd like to think so .....but also the sceptical side of me thinks is it documentation to enable them to get rid of me if needed in future?.... . Should I read the notes on Monday to make sure? I mean really he's no doctor so it's not confidential and as he's not a doctor he can't really offer any decent advice........

I think I'll just say from now on no comment to be safe......or just say everything's fine......

Have to be careful

Hi Adam

I can imagine that's a tough situation to be in but I do think there is only one truth in life or a thousand lies. I'm not saying no comment is a lie but for me part of being honest is not holding back. I would hope your manager is there to support you. That's what being a manager is and many managers don't get that opportunity to look after their colleagues. 

Mental wellbeing being is an incredibly important part of life and work. Nowadays it's a well protected subject in employment law so I wouldn't over think hes offer to look after you mate.

You are always posting that you work hard at work and I'm sure he sees that. Why would he want to lose a hard worker and it's probably that he wants to look after you but I obviously don't know 

Another day done........ Woke up midday......watched arsenal.......listened to footy.......pretty much stayed in all day....... No steps.......prob struggled to hit fifty k steps this week.....  I'll get back on fitness when feeling like it........

I'm gonna get early night as not feeling too positive...... Grind thru.

Keep going Buddy 

thanks stuart.......  Today woke at eleven am after a night of thinknig about buying a new switch console....... really dont need one....... so ive come to my enses today....... but as allways it took over my thoughts and led to broken sleep....... and being up till 5 am........  altohugh i did get into bed at 11pm so in a way i rested quite a bit....... woke up 11 am this morning then got a coffee and breakfast and went to a friends to watch footy and they cooked a lasagne........ really nice afternoon..... feel blessed to have such good friends...... i however whenever i see these two friends get voices each evening after and usually dont sleep..... but soo far so good no voices...... going to get to bed soon...... maybe my usual hot milk....bit more music then bed,,,,,, not got to get up till 930m tomo so hour extra in bed...... ive booked some table tennis for next few weekends plus my sister coming over....... will play games...... maybe monopoly...... and have dinner round folks......

Just looked at my finances for the month and after bills ive spent 50 pounds on food........and no other expenditure...... happy days soo far...... going to tighten the reigns again and aim to come in on 100 for the month....... thatll mean 400 plus 100 500 total outgoings...... 1200 coming in so 700 to go towards debts....  Im aiming to hit 7000 towards debt for this year ...... ending june...... at mo looks like ill have 6800 plus whatever i get for selling ps5 (looks like 250) so going to plan......

Steps wise went to gym tonight but they closed........  so just done 5k tody but thats not too bad....

Going to cook a meal steak and chips for two friends to repay the favour....maybe in two weeks time.....

Friends are everything aren't they Adam. Always there for you whenever you need them 

Evening........ Got into the week today...... plodded along...... got  fair few things done at work..... spent my time wisely....... need to weed the balconies this week.......may do tomo.......

Got to the milestone of 2323 today....... nice symetrical number........ 22 days till 2345......

Got some crusty bread and some ham and a melon today to freshen up my lunches....... had soup for most lunches so it'll be a nice from that.

Spurs relegation battle gets harder and harder..............

12k steps today.... not bad.....didnt go gym.......

We will be ok Adam.

Sounds like a good day. Love the idea of ham in crusty bread sandwiches and melon. Now that's what I call a hearty lunch. Pickle ? Salad Cream or Mustard ?

Good number of steps today mate 

12,695 for me. 

Sorry I missed chat. Going to miss your 2345 as it will be my home GA but will try and come on for that at 8. 

ezzzz stuey,,,,,,

thanks for popping by....

mike mike check 1212 mike mike check 2324........ 2324 days gamble free horray....

Mixed day at work as im feeling lazy again as i made a couple of cups of tea....... and sat in canteen for 15 mins......

will strive to work harder im just a laxidaesical person sometimes....

went in checked emails, took bins out, took deliveries around hospital, doen the hospital recycling, emailed sharps bin orders for the week, phoned stericycle joe to let him know when to come over, found out what to change the meeting room to for a meeting all was good, cleaned a recycle bin, collected all the recycle bins rubbish around the hospital, checked in on supplies and took some more deliveries around, litter picked around site, had quick bite to eat, checked all doors locked, took out bins again, checked wheelcahir in cupboard, replaced gases, checked sharps bin stock in theatre, weeded balcony, had cuppa then took delivery of some items, then home time......... so done quite a lot actually in the 5 hours.... i just am over critical of myself most of the time i guess?

First three days of the week and ive done 28400 steps......... not too bad....... a good start....... im going to folks tomo night for dinner and a hair cut........ maybe ill go to gym after we will see...... but if i do 11600 at work ill b e im a good place anyway.....

Watched footy tonight and played some gran turismo....... and went on chat...... all good.....

My back aches a bit today......hoping good night sleep will sort it for tomo......

Looked into what my manager has written in notes from our check ins and tbf they are all fine its all work related and nothing about my mental health on there at all.....so thats a relief........

spoiled myself to a chicken chow mein and duck spring rolls from sainsburys tonight.....6 pounds which was more than wanted to spend on one meal....... but it was lovely and i didnt fancy cooking today.....

ive spent 43 pounds of my 80 i put on sainsburys card on payday....... 9 pounds today...... along with the 38 pounds at waitrose and 9 pounds my mum spent that i gave her back...... 99 pounds spent this month...... its adding up now......  ive got 6 pints of milk....... got bread too for the week.......plenty left on card for the month.......38 pounds...... ill see if i can make it last....

Love that post mate. The passion you put into your job, life and budgeting is true testament to recovery. The wilderness you were in and the clearing you are now 

Life isn't about fast cars, big houses and money in the bank. That won't bring you happiness, just worry. True happiness lies in learning to enjoy life on life's terms. Clarity, peace, kindness. I like to think of what I can do for someone else not myself. 

Thanks as allways for popping by stuart.... love to see ur posts each time they pop up....

Today my boss went home early as was unwell...... but did i take the opportunity to slack off  hell no...... i got outside and cleared and swept the grounds........  I also wrote up what extra jobs to get done over next couple of weeks........  wanting to graft is good.......

Also today i went to folks after work and got a haircut.......not many barbours where u get a cottage pie with it my dad rightly said hahaha.

Didnt spend any money today......

Liking my sandwiches for lunch......liking work......Roll on the weekend...

Superb attitude mate. That work ethic is surely noticed but if not, why not and you know it yourself.

There is enjoyment everywhere, we all need to only learn how to *** it with two hands. Whether that be working hard, saving money or spending time with family, it's all there. 

Evening....another good day.......grafted at work...... Came back....pie for dinner.......came on chat etc...thanks for popping by stuart

Hi mate

Always following you just under 2200 days behind you and I'm happy to keep saying that 

Would love to think when we celebrate your 10,000 days GF on here one day at a time that we can wait six months for my 8000, if I can see the screen at 80 years old lol.