Hello everyone,
Recovering from a serious gambling problem. It's been over 7 days since I last gambled.
It's been 2 1/2 years of gambling. The first year, losses were manageable; I think at some point I was actually net positive. Things have really gone off the rails over the past 4 months. Lifetime, I am down 15-20k, with over half of that coming this year alone.
A few things about me. I am 40, so my gambling problems started later in life. Maybe spun a slot once in my life before I started this toxic hobby.
My game of choice was slot machines. In the beginning again, the losses were controlled. Eventually, I knew there was a problem because I would fast spin the button until I got a bonus. Eventually, even when I got the bonus, I would skip the bonus (if the game allowed me) just to see the amount I won.
After some self-reflection, here are some key points I have realized:
Gambling wasn't about making money. It was self-medication for other issues in my life - boredom/dissatisfaction with my job/dopamine hits. Slots are like the crack of gambling. The fact that I was skipping the bonus game animation was a sign of needing more stimulation. Eventually, slots were not enough (too much of a slow burn), and I eventually started making $200-500 bets on a single hand of BJ or $200-500 on the Do Not Pass Bar in Craps.
My problem was a slow progression. In the beginning, I was very disciplined; like being able to redeem xxxx of free play on roulette, and leaving the casino immediately; or redeeming a free buffet meal wo gambling. That discipline eventually eroded, and soon I would be chasing losses and staying at the casino for 6-10 hours.
Winning prolonged my issue: The reason why I never got into sports betting is that my first 4 NFL Bets, I lost all of them! I won about 6 taxable jackpots (slot jackpots worth more than xxxx). I won several small jackpots - in the xxxx range. Yet I am still down. I have learned that when a problem gambler wins, it's only temporary. Once I started gambling for over 4-6 hours, the lights were on in my head, but there was nobody home. I was literally in a zone where my brain was begging me to go to bed, even when I was up, but I couldn't walk away. I was at the point where I couldn't go to bed until I was at zero.
After my last 7k Vegas binge. I am done. I don't know if this is what you call reaching my breaking point, but I believe I am done gambling the rest of my life. I know I am a problem gambler; there is no need to even risk putting me in a situation just to redeem a free meal at the casino, or xxxx in free play. I never want to risk going back to a dissociative/zombie state.
I feel a lot of shame, embarrassment, and depression for my actions. I also feel incredibly relieved, because I didn't go into debt or touch my retirement/brokerage accounts. I know if I am done gambling for good, the 15-20k is a very small bump in the road. If I relapse, I risk turning a fixable leak into bursted pipes.
Lastly, I really want to respect money again. I am by nature frugal. I always look for good deals, save my money. I have been investing for over the past 10 years and have built outsized wealth. I don't have many material possessions. I want to use that money for good - my family, city, neighborhood, a non-profit organization. 15-20k is potentially life-changing for a family.
Hopefully I can look back on this post as a turning point to do much greater and more important things.
Hi
Thank you for your share and welcome. I guess from your share that you are based in the USA ? The reason is ask is that I spend a lot of time on here and so the American app Get Evive. Both are amazing communities and have helped me a great deal.Â
There is a lot of insight in your post and that's incredible on day 7. When I was gambling I always used to remember the wins and never the losses. My addiction allowed me to manipulate the truth around that so in recovery I try to remind myself to never think about the wins or I will get dragged back.
The one thing I never realised coming into recovery was firstly the time I wasted, just like the money I can't get that back but also that gambling was never the problem it was a poor solution. The problem was me and I've spent a lot of work on that. I had to find out why I gambled. By doing that it stops me wanting to gambleÂ
Keep it up mate
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