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No work better yet of course. LOL kinda thought ya said ya were off but called in early. LOL

Yeah I'm sure will all be sorted before Christmas and yeah maybe something to be said about snail mail. LOL

Yup kitchen clean and moving on to living room. Hoping to get this joint sparkley before night is in cause yeah sure don't wanna look at it tomrrow. LOL Marshall mathers 2 screaming in my ears. (Eminem) cd worth having.

Yup the routine again. LOL Hell upstairs cleaning in the same night, I'm doing good. LOL

Hey girl, hell I'm done with that cleaning cra-P. LOL Well short of vaccuming. Fell asleep early last night and up early to boot. Started watching gossip girl on netflix and so far ain't to bad.

Yeah I got more email accounts than I really care to have. Got my home internet one and no ideal what the password is to that one. Got my phone internet one and glad it never ask me what it is cause that takes a bit of digging to find. LOL got my hotmail one that i had forever and has never let me down. Then this gmx one that i think i had to sign up for or ya couldn't get emails through some place. Hell that one is a pure nightmare. LOL Yeah i know the email address and the pass word but kinda hard to type it in when your key board won't POP up to put in the letters. LOL Lol Lol kid ya not. Yup It's basically unusable the way it sits now but I'm sure in another week or 2 it will be fine. LOL Yeah I'm sure I got a few other email addresses out there too that I really don't care to remember. LOL

So yeah sitting here with my 1st cup of Joe of the day at 4 in the morning. Guess It's the time I'd normally get up for work but really don't wanna be up at this time on the weekend. LOL oh well guess i maybe the first one showing up for that farmers market short of the vendors of course. They moved it from its usual spot to another location so yeah guess I should figure out where that is too before I head out. LOL

Well hope your Saturday is good to ya.

LOL the gmx email is the one I used for here and the one that won't let me type in anything to the address and password. LOL that's why I asked them to use my gmail or hotmail account instead. Hell could be Christmas before i get into that mail box. LOL Lol Lol

Hell didn't even shower yet and went back to sleep tor a few hours. Weather sucks and real wet out there so kinda debating on whether to go to that farmers market. Sounds like ya got some sun going on by you anyway so send it this way. LOL

So firing up the grill for some friends are ya. So What ya cooking up over there? And be sure not to forget the cold ones. LOL Yup mine will be a fire tomorrow. Planning on some marinated smokey Apple, extra thick pork chops over here. May toss a steak on too if their on sale tomorrow at the grocery store. Hell they think beef is like gold around here and charge accordingly. LOL wanna pick up another 6 pack of that tropical twisted tea too. That stuff was real tasty and not overly sweet so went down real good. They charge like that stuff is liquid gold too but still on sale for $7 this week for that 6 pack so I'll be stopping today. LOL

Glad them dream boys turned out well for ya and was enjoyable. Awe to the part of not taking home some sweet candy a-ss though. LOL ya could of stuffed your name and number down that pouch too along with them coins. LOL Yeah guess I thought of that one a little to late though, but remember it next time ya go. LOL Lol Lol

So stewie left ya a treat under the bed hey. Hope it was just a fur ball. LOL

Well hope that grilling goes as planned for ya and a great time for all. Talk soon girl.

LOL so not a fur ball hey. LOL kinda thought not but giving stewie the benefit of doubt.

Yeah raining out here quite good right now and ain't no fruits and veggies worth getting pi-ssed on for in my book. LOL guess I'll stick to the shopping with a roof over head today.

Kababs are good girl and yeah can get them already made up and marinated at my favorite grocery store. Yeah just pick out the ones ya want and bring home and toss on the grill. May just do that tomorrow instead of that steak. Thanks for bringing it up cause sounds like a plan now. LOL

Only like 9 in the morning here girl so little early for tipping of the beers. LOL never to early to listen to Emienem though. LOL that guy has got some good stuff out there and likes to tell it like it is.

Well think It's shower time for me and time to get this day rolling.

Keep partying on girl.

Hey girl went on my lap top and got into the gmx mail. Was no easy task as laptop is real old and slow but yeah got at that request and forwarded a yes. So yeah when we get them addresses I'll give you one that works. LOL cause yeah gmx is unpredictable. LOL Lol Lol

LOL Yeah i agree. Hell took like a half a hour just for the laptop to fire up and another half hour to get to the page. LOL Hell should of dropped that account years ago but really like the name I attached to it and thought perfect for the gambling help sites. LOL Lol Lol yeah you'll soon see. But yeah definitely gonna give ya different address.

I was jealous of your Kababs girl and just came back from picking up a couple. One 10 season steak one with mushrooms I think and the other one a steak and potatoe one that disappointed me cause unseasoned. LOL Yeah i dumped some steak seasons over it and Yup they will both be hitting the grill soon. Nope not waiting till tomorrow. Hell wanted to get a shrimp one for the cat but didn't have any made up today so yeah guess she'll settle for steak or just go hungry. LOL

Getting dark and cloudy out there and looks like rain again. The screaming birds ain't home so yeah safe to grill under the porch. LOL

Hope your Kababs were a hit and I don't burn the cr-ap out of mine. LOL

Talk soon girl.

Hi Sis,

Never feel hesitant dropping a note on my thread. I address my thoughts and feelings to Ed because I feel safe in doing so. People on these diaries are all here for the same reason and I believe do their best to get better. Every now and then discussion gets heated or debate starts up. I don't usually have the stomach for it. I am thin skinned and get my hackles up too easily sometimes. Then I wind up sticking my foot in my mouth. OY! Writing to Ed now, I can address my own thoughts and feelings without worrying about other people's boundaries or judgments. Bottom line: YOU my friend and sister are always welcomed to share on my thread so never hesitate. ((((((((S))))))))) -joanxxxx

Hey girl should of gotten a email from the gmx with new address. Said it sent anyway so let me know if ya got it.

Mailed ya message from the hotmail address. I'm sure the other went to trash with that name involved. LOL grilling right now and talk later

LOL hey girl and happy belated birthday. LOL dam girl that was fun doing the emails but think half of them messages went off my exchange address which is gmail. Yeah gave ya the address to that to but think using the site here is way easier getting through. LOL Yeah guess the other emails are good for those things ya don't wanna share through out the site and I'm sure everyone here can relate. But for every day stuff this suits me fine. LOL

Happy birthday again and yeah tomorrow I be doing a bit of shopping I will.

Hi Sandra

Happy birthday have a good one

And well done on never giving up on giving up

ENJOY your birthday and keep keeping strong

Suzanne x

Hi Sandra and glad to read that your back on track and renewing your committment to stay away from gambling. Its so easy to have a slip and then another and another, but you haven't.. so that's good. Boredom is a trigger for me to, is good to keep busy and active. Hope you had a good run this weekend. Regards.. S.A 🙂

LOL no no stick to hotmail. God got to many addresses out there. LOL guess i like just writing here cause yeah let's ya edit your mistakes and when your tapping it out on a phone that thinks is smarter than you I need all that. LOL

First cup of Joe sliding down and sure there will be more to follow before I'm up and running. Looks like rain again but them chops will still be hitting the grill. Them Kababs turned out good last night and thinking next time I will put my own together. Hell cost like $7 a pound to get them already made up in their meat meat department and just think i can do better. LOL thought that steak, potatoe and mushroom one may be hard to beat.

Boy that's all its been doing is raining here for the last week or so and tired of seeing the stuff. Hope weather has been better by you.

Hey all and thank you so much for your kind words

Dear diary,

Well, been a while since I put my thoughts down on these pages (maybe cause they are depressing lol..but it's me in a way)..so, two weeks from my slip and decided to reflect on it. Tough s... to keep fighting and kicking urges to the back side. Many many thoughts of going back cause my hard work was ruined anyway. Roller coaster of emotions...disappointment, anger, frustration, disbelief and ...tiny tiny spark to fight and carry on. For all the new users - the first weeks after the "action" are crucial. It is either one way or the other. Choice is there indeed...

I couldn't handle my emotions and even took some time off work. Yes, it helped. And yes I needed it.

There are no excuses at all. If we want to place that bet we just do it. Every tough situation in life is manageable and all we need to do is deal with them in a more sensible manner. Of course it is easy to look for comfort and hide away...and of course that don't help most of the times.Temporary solution..which only brings more pain and missery on a way.

Kicking back and choosing life is the way forward. We all are fighters, we all want better life for us and our loved ones, we all want to set ourselves free.....but none of that comes on a golden plate. There is blood and sweat, patience and belief involved to reach for these goals.

Well, ok, that said I shall keep doing what I'm doing. Which is making that choice and meeting all the struggles life throws at me head on. Yep, it is not rosy and all those spikes can hurt but wiping that tear away and standing bk up is the only way forward.

That's it. Thanx for reading..

LETS f*****g SOLDIER UP AND DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL lol..the only highlight of my day 😀

Stay safe all

Day at a time

S.x