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Hi Sandra... and well done on remaining gamble free.

I know what you mean about once in the hell holes, nothing will stop me gambling except absence of money. The hole slot machine could be covered in gamcare stickers and it wouldn't make a difference, as long as i could see the reels spin and push the play button.

Day at a time as always. Take care... S.A 🙂

Hi Sandra,

What a great last post!

Thanks for all your supportive posts on my diary. They have been such a great help.

Keep strong

Ade xxxx

Hi S,

Thanks for your lovely message, can't imagine you ever stuck for words lol.

Great last post, you are doing just great,especially with that POSITIVE word lol,

January is the most crappiest month of the year, you like me love the sun, still it's nearly over and then spring will just be around that corner, now that is positive thinking.

Take care and stay safe

Suzanne xxx

Hi S,

Thanks for your lovely message, can't imagine you ever stuck for words lol.

Great last post, you are doing just great,especially with that POSITIVE word lol,

January is the most crappiest month of the year, you like me love the sun, still it's nearly over and then spring will just be around that corner, now that is positive thinking.

Take care and stay safe

Suzanne xxx

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your lovely kind post on my diary.

Well done on your continued abstinence! Is that 11 weeks now?!!.....

Keep strong,

Regards

Bob! xxx

Hi Sandra,

I hope you are well keep up the battle we have been here a while haven't we just more scars but I'm tougher as you are we both want the same thing we can keep the devil at bay I know it keep battling x

The bear x

Thank you dear soldiers xxx

Dear diary,

Every sense of my human body, soul and mindset feels like crashing down today. Such a powerful and very scary feeling.
Gambling? Yes it could take some of the pressure off, the main concern here and now is my self worth....flat zero today.
So true words " seeing is believing", until it happens all the troubles looks dimmed and not so important....but then it starts unravelling in front of your eyes it brings focus back to facts,- reality.

I can swear shout and let the frustration of the situation out. What's the point?

.....back to flat zero.....f*****g awesome this is.

Rant over no gambling at this very hour.

Plz. No replies.
Thank you.

S xxx

Ps. On a very funny (or maybe serious note), i pulled at work yesterday!!!! Yyeeepppeeeeeee lol...63yr old chap....yeeeeppppeeeeee me again!!!! (No "date" and cup of coffee upon request been accepted...nasty me! 🙂 )
Over and out.

Good morning diary,

Wasn't going to post, but...left my last message in a little ranty mood didn't i? ..so best make amends me thinks lol
Ok, storm has passed. This is such a relief. Sometimes i truly don't know what to do with myself...this addiction seems to batter me to the ground everytime something stressful is on the way...i am pleased to say, I'm still standing...just lol.
Had a lot going on around me last few weeks...mum is poorly, dad is also. This house i rent just been sold yesterday which triggered my low mood. Hence the above post. Work been ever so stressful and costed me numerous relapses on drink over the last few weeks, which just brought that stick back up to batter myself for low will... Everything seemed (and still is...but at the balance) gloom and doom...nothing seemed to save me (not even my 63yr old "boyfriend" lol...sorryyyy)...
Past memories been hunting me like hell...one thing after another. Does anyone knows the speed of plane before taking off.?..so that was pretty much similar just 10 times faster with every changing thought (they change by the minute sometimes).
I know not many people gets me. Hence my old friend not bein able to keep up with me. Maybe it's my bad...square peg?
...anyway, all seems calmer now. Addiction is here and alive...but it can keep battering me..I'm not scared of pain..i won't give in.

Duncs - thank you so much for bein here for me on good and bad. I know I'm hard job..i truly do. I can isolate in spare second and push all the support aside...i thank you for accepting me.
Shiny, same with you. You have encountered my lowest mood ever today, I'm sorry. ..leopard can't change its spots can it? It's me, and i believe you know me by now...so just thank you for your patience and understanding.
Rachel - same with ya (lol..all of you at this rate 🙂 ) ...i am fully aware of highs and lows which can trigger devil inside me...trying to keep at balance now lol...so far so good...thank you for accepting me the way i am also my friend, ....and yea - let it snow for sure 😉
DF - i guess you didn't expect that from me either. But when i say "expect" ..we are not here for each other to be expected to be happy clappy...no, we all have our days and me same as you, just fight it all head on..we got to..we are doing it 🙂 (that number been taken lol..ya know who am i on about 😉 )
Irene -hell girl!!! Jeeezzzz it was soooo nice to hear from you. Very proud of ya my girl..keep up the fight on this nasty habit as well as smoking one. Ya doing more than well 🙂
Suzanne - Duncs shared your details with me. I shall be in touch soon..a little "negative" day yesterday so no way I'm introducing myself to you in that state lol.. you will run for hills 🙂

Ok..I'm calm now. Dad is sorting his health out as well as my mum.house search is in progress..got two months to find something. Work finally left me at peace and just offered the promotion instead...phew..tough one here lol.....

ok..that's me...sorry for the rant yesterday..diary come handy...hell it did..thank you GC.
(Ps GC...i'm not a new user and been here for nearly two years...tut tut admin on our SA's post in overcoming section).

Ok..no gambling...light rant over..peace out and going to visit few diaries.
stay safe all

Sandra xxxx

Hi S,

You have inspired me sooo much this morning, why because you were feeling low yesterday and then you came back posting on diaries and your own like a bull that's been let out, ( in a lovely way lol). You to me,bought hope, optimism, and positivity (yes sos that word again lol) to me as I have been feeling quite flat and stalemated the last couple of days, (if that's a real wordlol) on the site, but you have bought me back in focus, to this site, because without it I would have found it very hard to,get to 9 months, I was putting my negativity being in here as part of my recovery and was just pushing through it, but you have fast forwarded me lol, to be feel positive on here again,

Thank you so much,,and that's before we have a chat lol, no worries as to when, other stuff goes deeper so no worries at all.

Lovely last honest post and I am sooo pleased you have got a promotion, it's certainly no less than you deserve.

Also I hope you find a new home soon, (we don't need added stress,) and wishing your parents the best of health.

The beauty of this forum and our diaries,,is we can come and go as and when we please, and whenever, whether we feel high or low,, and with the good times and bad, and we know we are not being judged, or expected of anything.

Take care and stay safe my friend as I have said many times you are a lovely lady, and one I appreciate very much.

Suzanne xxxx

Aweee ((((((Suzanne))))))) thank you so much for your sooo positive 😉 and encouraging post.
Yep, recovery is a long and always changing road. Having that freedom to be ourselves, share good and bad is part of recovery.
little .............. days are normal. Such is life after all but as i have always said - there is always sun after the rainy day 🙂 it does shines the way forward. Acceptance of our feelings and emotions is very important in this quest.

Dear diary.....

Just one question... - who is responsible for this???!!!! Lol

http://youtu.be/weGiFoK4JeI

have a safe and good day all

S xx

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your post.

Blimey!........I didn't know I had competition from a 63 year-old!!! ;0)

Keep smiling

Ade xx

Hiya.. only me. Just been catching up with your diary. Finding somewhere new to live is such a bummer isn't it? When i lived in London I was constantly on the move. Houseshares, flat shares, bedsits, 6 month contracts, house full of dry rot, having to move suddenly, falling out with fellow sharers and on it went.... constantly feeling insecure and vulnerable and seeking solace in gambling. Ya de yah.

Anyway glad you haven't dabbled in murky gambling waters despite everything ya got going on.

Thanks for your thoughts ont my diary. I gotta run another marathon this year, so if ya want to pick one in the autumn say, i'd come and run it with ya. I would leave you behind mind if you were to slow lol 😉 and i'd expected you to do the same if i was to snail like... 🙂

Happy days.. onwards and upwards... S.A 🙂

Apologising for ranting on your own diary?! Do it, girl! As much as you like. One hundred times a day, if that's what you need. This is a theme I see on many of these diaries - my own included.

We find it so hard to accept that we have a dark side. That sometimes we want to tell the whole world to f**k off. Why? Who knows? It's certainly normal. We tend to have overly high standards and expectations of ourselves. Forgive yourself, and accept yourself. Dark and light, happy and sad. I tell you something for free - our dark sides are so much smaller than most people's!!!! So when everything seems wrong, your patience and reason has left the building, and you feel like you could murder at the drop of a hat - what better place to come than your diary? Where you can safely let it all out, no one gets hurt, and you can get on with your life feeling a bit lighter.

Take care,

f x

Thank you dear friends xxx

Dear diary,

Not much to report except still fighting this battle. Successful today, starting from the scratch tomorrow and aiming for the same results...and so it goes on lol.

Very deep soul searching weekend. Was questioning my purpose on this earth. ..any answers found? Nope lol
Figured out that my actions today is slightly shaping tomorrow and if it's at least millimetre forward who am i to complain 🙂 will get there and look back one day wondering w*f was all this about in my late 20s lol...jeezz I'm getting old...30 just round the corner ..gulp.

Ok, enough waffling sure will be self pitting about my age now for the next two days haha..god help me!

Off for the run since need to try and get in shape for that ohhh soo challenging marathon 🙂

Stay safe all and keep fighting the good fight one day at a time

S x

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your supportive post.

Keep going and focus on the positives in life. You can shape your future to do just what you want to do. Learn from the past, and make the future your own. x

Keep strong

Ade x