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Hi Sandra,

Thank you for your kind post.

Hope you are ok and still marching alongside me on this recovery road. Perhaps we could turn the walk into a bit of a skip, you know , like in the wizard of oz down the yellow brick road.......oh, thinking about it, not sure if my knee will allow me to skip at the mo!!!!

Stay strong

Ade xxxx

Hey, thank you all for you messages xxx

Dear diary - update

Am reeling at the minute. Reeling at this disease and hate it again...yet...so much love it cause i need that escape...but i choose not to go there...this is destroying road. f**k me, i had a 2 f****n pound slip last year and it drove my mental state up the wall. It is not money, it is emotional state after. I hate it..it is killing...don't wonna go there...not today and that's as far as i can look ahead.
Ok...breathe...
Work is S***e and demanding. No more comments on that subject, still feel rage towards the fat b******s who sit on the roof and s**t all over me.
Parents are not well. To top worry about dad's operation (plus mum's check up for cancer) ..my dad got beaten at work doing his duties. f*****g madness and am worried every single minute about him...he will pull through..i know he will..he is my hero.
House. Well, found the place to live in. More expensive but manageable. 2 weeks to sort the things out and leave this place at peace.

Overall...feel depressed and just surfing in and out..as you do in life..expecting things to take positive turn..will get there. I have my belief intact.

No gambling..this is priority now. Holding all 4 corners together.

Happy days
Stay safe all
Believe in yourself..this gambling S***e is not worth a penny..keep fighting!!!!

S xx

Oh Sandra, how do you do it? Never mind me not sleeping, are you sure you're not the Duracell bunny?

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your kind post.

Nice (if a little spooky!) to know that you are right beside me on this recovery journey! ;0)

And equally nice (and very sweet) to hear how proud you are of me too!!! The feeling is very mutual my friend.

Sorry to read that your parents are having a rough time.....(((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))

Keep strong hun

Ade xxx

Hi Sandra

Sorry to read about your parents, hope your dad recovers quickly and your mum gets good news.
Am back on nights tonight so may see you lol....
Take care and stay safe
Cheryl x

Hi S

Sending you big POSITIVE and STRONG vibes, you are dealing with a lot of worries, with both of your parents, and I wish them both to be well very soon.

Won't mention work, cos I know you will just push through for now, and better days there are coming.

Good news that you have found another place so quickly, so that is one thing not to worry about now.

And hanging on to all 4 corners tightly to keep that horrible addiction away, is one of the reasons I am sooo proud of you,

Keep strong and stay safe my little friend,

(((((((S))))))))

S xxxxxxxx

Thanks for the post Sandra,
Always enjoy reading your posts whether they be happy, sad and occasionally mad!

Dan x

Hey, thank you all so much for your posts..really means a lot xxx

Dear diary,

Up and running over here and gonna get ready for counselling in a few hours...but it's ok, cause the most important part i love is that sea close by. Will have a short stroll down that shore after counselling...funny that, i went there last week after work taking half night...lol..at midnight, at the shore. ..pitch black but i can hear those waves. Really nice way to calm myself down when i feel i truly struggling.

So last night i read one post on here, which mentioned a lot of wins and slots. Actually was wondering how many people will get triggered to have that devil on the shoulder. It did to me, but...we are all in control of our own recoveries and need to leave stuff harmful for us. ..

So, very weird dream last night and was jolted up in thinking was it real. Nothing to do with gambling...it was work related. Bearing in mind i hate flying, i was in airport boarding a plane to USA....lol..and that's a flight eh!!! ....it was so real and i was thinking in my dream, i am on my own and ready for this adventure. Where am i going when landing? How to find everything in totally new surroundings. I somehow managed that take off (lol..that was scary but i did it!!! In my dream of course lol) and just met someone work related there and was offered a transfer to work for the same company but in USA. This is real cause our company is global....so i jumped straight in saying yes as long as i stay at the same duties 🙂 ....the thought of relief went over me knowing i don't have to board that plane to get back lol lol...

Absolutely no connection in my post today...but that's just where my head is at the moment.
right troops, time to get in gear. Have a safe day, keep winning and marching on. I'm right beside ya...hurt but not beaten!

No gambling today.

Ps. Got some memories about festival triggered last night lol (thanx Juuuuune lol) so here we go..to get me into the mood for day ahead!.
f*****g rave on!!!!!!! 😀

Sssssssss xxxxxx

http://youtu.be/-9mFw54oXIQ

Hi Sandra,

Hope you're still skipping along...... :0)

There seems to be a lot of weird dream related stories going round today......spooooooooooky!!

Right, let me guess...........you're the one on the right in the Orange!?!?.....

Keep strong and have a good day today....

Take care

Ade xx

Hey up Crazy Lady, I hope you didn't go skinny dipping (brrrr) ;-0

I love the sound of the Sea so completely relate to you buzzing off there for some relaxation!

Look on the bright side of your dream 1) you have literally just conquered your fear of flying 2) they were so impressed with you that they offered you a job with a promotion - my version is good yeah 😉

Hope the counselling went well & you have a renewed spring in your step/skip/march 🙂 It's very frustrating to read posts from people talking about wins...I haven't seen it but I would take it with a complete pinch of salt (no doubt you will use pepper in your version) as I won a lot too...Sadly, nowhere near as much as I put in or I wouldn't have needed to come here & 'fix' myself!

I can see you too...In orange, propping up the bar 😉

Keep choosing 'No' ODAAT - Juuuuuune

Hi Sandra,

Ooooooopps!!! Oh dear.....I was just reading one of your posts on my diary using this I-pad and I accidently touched the "Flag this as abusive" button with one of my sausage fingers!!!!

Hope Gamcare realise it was an error and you don't get anyone contacting you.

Total mistake by me!!!!

Ade xx

Morning S,

Hope you did not have any flying dreams last night, but if you did, I hope you were flying to somewhere hot and sunny, by the sea ofcourse,

Take care, keep skipping while surfing.

S xxxxxx

Thanks for last night's reminder...8 hours of no phone, it's the future, I'm telling you!

I'll have you know there's nothing wrong with my dress sense, even if it is a bit of an acquired taste 😉

Sandra oh Sandra wherefore art thou Sandra?

Thanx Ade, Juune and Suzzzzane xxx

Ok diary,

Gonna use Gabriele' s (moderation team) advice and try to put few thoughts down.
Not a good day. Was playing online slots demo for a few hours..does it count as relapse? Don't know so if anyone enlightens me on this one would b most appreciated.
Head is swimming with the turds today. Completely under the water. I think i crashed...and if not..I'm about to.
Sense of feeling of something happening? Had them before...ohhhh yes...something I wouldn't suggest for anyone.
So ms naughty lady (or woman at this age lol)..got herself into trouble with work today...tut tut tut...just thought I'll skip it lol..awe well...not the first or last one eh? f**k them that's what i say, and if you fat b*****d happen to read this - f**k you and your company! I hope it you fail at your audits and it gets shut down cause none of you fookers are worth customers praise and respect..you are useless C***s!!!

That's my thoughts about work. As of life itself..as i said, walking on a shattered glass today. Sorry troops for not getting in touch with you...hope you all had a good day...friday 13...d**n it lol lol

S x

Ps. Better out than in so here we go..am just angry and mainly with myself ...for something which was out of my control all my life. No justice in this world