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Hi Sandra
Thanks for the post and the East Angular was a reference to Jade Goody when she was in Big Brother lol.
Hope you find your parents well and have plenty of you time too.
Am afraid I will have to eat your cream cake as won't last a month :0).
Keep marching forward and never look back.
Take good care
Cheryl xxx

Hey Auntie S lol,

Yey I do drink too much coffee, lol, but I like alcohol, 🙂 too, time to cut back on that stuff too, 🙂

Thinking about you, I really hope you have a great time at your parents, will be there under the surface supporting you and edging you on as always little friend,

Just 3 things, take care, stay safe, and enjoy yourself,

Will stay in touch as always xxxx

S xxxxxx

PS,

I had to read our Cheryl's post twice about the serial cleaner, lol, must stop cleaning so much lol, HDs OAU and let's all keep moving forwards, It's the only way to go xxxxx

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Hi S,

You have put a big smile on my face with your packing techniques, I am exactly the same, stuff in stuff out and in the end all rammed in and half not even worn by end of trip, lol, but I might have worn it, HDs,

As for bingo wings at your young age and being super slim I doubt if they even move lol, 🙂

Thanks for making me smile on this wet morning, have a lovely time 3 days will fly by.

Suzzannnne xxxx

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Hi Sandra,

Good to read that your trip is going well.

Take care dear soldier.. S.A 🙂

Hi S,

Hope you had a good time (even though it was a flying visit lol).

Keep strong and keep safe.

Blondieexxxx

Hey Sandra thanks for the invite but in the interest of public safety i will have to give skating a miss lol..correct me if I'm wrong, but me thinks you're a good skater ;-)) ..hope everything's good in coo coo's world...I've noticed you're not a happy flyer...me neither....stay safe..OAU..Ginge x

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Sandra

Thank you for sharing that. I think that sort of post really is what this forum should be about. Honesty, true & raw emotion. Very brave of you to share that with us.

The emotions you describe were my life for 35 years. Emotionally disconnected from the world. No empathy, anger & hatred & jealousy at those i saw as being happy no hope that the future held anything different. I even convinced myself i was a psychopath at one stage in my quest to understand what was wrong with me. Nothing gave me sustained happyness, everything & everyone bored me. I never looked forward to tomorrow just dwelled on the awfullness that the present day had left.

I dont know the answer as to what will give you peace Sandra, i just know it is out there. I think the trick in recovery is to try to enjoy the quest for serenity. Im not telling you this is easily done but i am telling you its worth it in the end.

Dan

Thanks for sharing those very personal feelings with me Sandra.
Like you i have also tried every soothing behaviour going. Heres my list! I think they are in time related order.

Thumb sucking (till about 9)
Nail biting (havnt rid myself of that one to this day)
Smoking. Started at 9 as thumb sucking wasnt as cool
Gambling
Bad behaviour in school because i liked being noticed & didnt feel i was at home
Computer games
Taking & selling drugs in the school toilets
Chasing women
Drinking once i was allowed into pubs
More drugs e & c mostly
More gambling
Work
s*x
Gambling

Im sure i have missed a few out.

We are all fairly similar to greater or lesser degrees. I thought i was crazy too. Thought no one had the madness that was running around my mind. Always thought that if everyone in the world was a cat then i was a dog. But one thing i have realized in recovery is im no different to anybody else, they all have life problems they just have learnt better ways of dealing with them than i did. You will get there Sandra.
Just try to keep the obvious barriers in place(maybe ask your skating partner to install things on your devices) to give yourself the best chance. If you cant physically gamble you may stumble upon a coping mechanism that works(thats what happened for me) & try to be proactive rather than reactive with recovery.

Dan x

P.S dont go spreading the rumour im capable of being nice 🙂

So Einstein said Peace cannot be forced, it can only be found by understanding. He wasnt talking directly about addiction but it does ring true. You have already identified why you gamble so this puts you in a good position of choice.
What is an urge?
It is just your mind trying to solve a problem the only way it knows how. Giving you an instant calmness be that through excitment or self punishment, whichever mindset you feel most at home with.
What helps me is this.
If i get an urge or thought to gamble i welcome it in. I never ever dismiss or ignore it.
I say hello addiction(sometimes aloud) & ask him what it is he is trying to solve for me today. He will tell me things such as your tired, angry at someone/something, having problems at work/home, feeling bored, feeling unheard/unloved, etc etc you get the picture, he will then tell me he has a solution to take away those feelings for a while. I will point out that he hasnt had a great track record on making my long term happiness work for me, giving examples sometimes & he will grudgingly agree & say well what else could we do to change how we feel right now. We then make an alternative plan & say good bye for now, see you soon.

Dan x

Hi Sandra, what a brave and honest post which in the main I totally understand.
Ty for your continued support and encouragement it means a lot.
Do try to be kind to yourself please.
Take care
Cheryl xxx