...

Thanx Castle Julie xx

Castle, had a little tear going down from your words and vid...you are both right..i need to take it easy on myself..xx

Diary,

I think time has come for me to back off from posting. I know it's gonna be hard job, because i found something special joining this site...but maybe it will help me to see what i really want from life. I found fantastic souls here and learned big deal about recovery and life itself.

My changing moods are not helping others in recovery, and i seem to put wall up for myself to move forward.

I will give it a shot..

Thank you for you words, understandind and accepting me for who i am. You always stay in my heart and i will never forget what this life has gifted to me in this recovery.

I know you all will come out the other end and you all dear fighters deserve the best in your lives. Believe in yourself..something i lack myself...so just do what i say not what i do 🙂

Thank you all

((((( all )))))

Xxxxxxx

S x

P.s.lol..back already...:-)

Just to say, if anyone wants to keep the contact u more than welcome to request my email address from admin.

Day at a time x

Hi thank you for your support and remember how you have a kind heart I haven t read all your diary but what I have read shows you have a great determination to succeed and you will .none of us are perfect I know but middle of the road ok and remember forgiving ourselves letting go and moving on are all part of this journey for us all.thanks again

Thanx xx

Diary, ....i'm back!!!!Had a good thought, kicked myself up the a**e and decide not to go cold turkey on this site...I'm only 7 months in recovery, and without this site and people on here i wouldn't of come this far. Have to be thankful and stick around a bit longer......a loooot longer lol

Talking about chickens and turkeys on my tread recently (thanx Julie 🙂 )...as well as Xmas coming....one anecdote sprang to mind:

"Don't eat turkey sandwiches, no matter what ! !

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought turkey sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a turkey sandwich.

He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eating turkey, don't you like it anymore?'

She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it.'

'Why?' he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!'

'Let me see' he said.

'Okay' and she showed him. He looked and said, 'That's right. You are!Better not eat any more turkey.'

He kept eating his turkey sandwiches until one day he brought a peanut butter sandwich instead. He said to the little girl,

'I have to stop eating turkey sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!' She asked if she could look, so he showed her!

She said, 'Oh, my God, it's too late for you!

You've already got the NECK and Giblets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL

S x

P.s watch out for what u eat this Xmas 😀

Hi Sandra good to see you back yep gets easy to forget this forum pleased your back if it helps us a little it's something keep going your doing great 🙂

The bear x

Thanx bear Julie,

I know Julie, i post a lot, but it's the biggest part in my personal recovery to pull through. I don't see ppl as gamblers here, i see ppl as lost souls looking for the way out...and i know we will get there..

P.s. you got the whole farm by any chance ? Lol lol

Anyway, dear diary...

Tired and feel very sleepy. Besides it's freezing outside...so thinking of stopping my other habit..smoking.

Oh hell...watch out for my moods then !!! Lol

No gambling thoughts, and glad i have changed my mind (again) and come back where i feel myself 🙂

My companion on breaks lol...my diary 🙂

Day at a time

S x

Hi Sandra

Is be lost without my diary some days...whatever it takes to get well is what I say Hun...

I can see a flicker of light ...not sure where it will lead but compared to a few years ago it feels 100% better and you are right..these days I am getting some of my old self back..

Xmas is an emotional time and all you need to do is be yourself as it's one day and a s**t load of hype ...lol

I am still wondering about these 12 dishes though...that seems worth the 364 day wait ..

Keep being you Sandra...you are more than enough just as you are. Xxxx

R and D xx

Thank you Rachel and Julie xx

Julie you can take so much out of diaries here, every single one has person behind it,with different feeling, strengths, and hopes. You take out what is helping you darling, and i'm sure it's more than you think..

Rachel, don't want to drop too much on your diary, so try and give some info about 12 dishes on mine instead 😉

...Right, since i'm a catholic and believe in God i go by the believes of this religion. (i'm not sure why...couse i'm not saint....i smoke, drink, and obviously gamble....don't think even nuns would find me a place lol)

Anyway, this religion goes by bible, and we entered advent period( i think..) where, we not aloud to eat meat, sing or dance.( obviously i'm not following that, just had a chicken sandwich lol...but i think older generations still keep this up)

...and on 24 December is " last dinner" which is by the bible again and...

..to cut it short, we have 12 dishes and no meat is allowed, it's more to do with fish and other interesting creations lol...You mentioned few " special" ones earlier this week, which is "slyzikai", "aguonu pienas"..( these are more for kids, couse poppy milk does make them sleep better 🙂 ..ready for Santa next morning...

Usually quiet evening and we sit together with the closest ones(family members).remembering dead ones which couldn't be with us....please don't think we stuff ourselves up lol...no...it's enough to try a bite of each dish....and one of the 12 includes some wine ;-)...(my favorite lol)

...And then...Christmas morning!!! Happy day, joy, laughter and more food lol!!! Aloud meat that day ha ha

I bet i sound like right piggy lol....that's why ppl say we don't eat during the year, but catch up on Xmas ha ha

That's it..that's my story 🙂

You are still welcome, because you are a member of my family 😉

Dear diary...

NO GAMBLING!!! Finally home, couple of days off and hopefully catch up with some sleep...

Day at a time

S x

Hey Sandra,

You are so funny...

I am smiling here at you thinking lapsing on a chicken sandwich but as you have confessed all in the little box on your diary I think you may be forgiven...lol

These 12 dishes sound even better to someone like me..a lapsed vegetarian of 25 years and no wonder the kids see a scary man in the room with a beard with a bag of presents as they are all drugged up on poppy milk..lol

UK parents had a similar idea in days gone by..not religious but all us kids were given Farleys rusks to knock us out and that was every day of the year! ..no wonder we are a digestively challenged nation...

When it comes to heaven my lovely , you will be in it as any God will be able to see what a lovely soul you are. I can see you are and I'm in cyberspace ! ..I am wondering if I should change my Xmas plans and come and take a bite out of the 12 dishes...I love fish !!

R and D xxx

No meat? Gee I'd never do well with that and yeah stuck eating mushy stuff today due to the tooth being pulled.. Lol yeah but still got some bacon tossed in some sort of noodles salad I bought at the store. LOL hope ya get that sleep in. Slept alright last night and at least the neighbor kid don't go bump in the night anyway. Lol hope ya have a nice long weekend of pure relaxation.

Lol lol....i do eat meat indeed 😀 thanx Soul and Rach...feels like spirit for xmas is on my diary lol

Dear diary,

Knackered, absolutely dead i have to say... Had 3 hrs in this morning and up for appointment...ahrr...my busy life lol

I think earliest night on a way lol, have to be up early tomorrow too....

Had few gambling thoughts this morning...it wasn't urges...just pure understanding of my situ...which is s**t....but hey...life goes on...

I will not go back...no matter how tempting it can be!!

Work is a bit tirening too...was on my own recently which means going 200mph in 13 hrs... time goes quick...but hey..at least get "good job" emails LOL LOL

Hey ho sleepy time 🙂

Take care

Day at a time

No gambling for today!!!! Yayyyyyyy!!!

S x

Hi wee pal

I think the true spirit of Christmas is alive in you throughout the year- you are unconditional in the support and love you offer others Sandra.

It was lovely to read of your Christmas traditions and intrigued by the grub!

I hope tomorrow's less hectic!

Take care

Irene

x

Arrr Irene..thank you for ur kindness xx

Good morning diary,

Jeez it takes a lot to top me off lol...didn't feel this tired in ages, but passed out and slept through the night - bonus 🙂

Pay day today, which is always nice to stand up on two feet again.( not for too long lol)

No gambling thoughts, i wouldnt be where i am and i wouldnt feel as i am if i was back on merry go round...

I like my new chapter of my life, nothing too exciting but hey .... everything in time. As long as i keep making the right choice 🙂

Day at a time all

Take care

S x

Love reading your diary you do inspire us as well as keep us all smiling and your support helps greatly to thanks for just being you

Hi Sandra,

Sounding good my "cheeky grinning" cyber soldier sister pal. Lol! One might think I have been drinking. No. Just mentally in good spirits. Thanks for dropping in and supporting me on this never ending but also never dull journey! hugs. -joanxxx

Hi Sandra,

Thank you very much for your message. I hope that all is well.

Best wishes

Dave X