...

Hi Sandra... keep on running. Lets face it Christmas is a s**t time of year, unless your a child and then its full of wonder and excitement.

For the rest of us its full of financial worries, buying presents that people aren't bothered about and turning progressively more pale because we don't see the sun..

Bar humbug!! happy days... S.A 😉

Ps ..love that saying of yours " diggin this S***e with all our might " xxx ..that's fantastic ! Xx

Hi Wee Pal

Keep on digging!

You are doing brilliantly- you're getting through this tough time and will reap the rewards of your efforts.

You are a smashing wee pal and deserve all the good stuff in life.

Take care

Irene

x

I agree with SA... hate this season!

Sandra... you MUST fight this with all you've got. Take it from me, you would only feel worse if you gave in... much worse. You can do it, girl!

Thank you all so much,

I will keep fighting guys, don't worry about me 🙂

Going to ease off from my own diary, just simple don't want to put my ever changing mood down....at the min just getting all the strenght from you all dear fighters..( how selfish!!)... I might be too much for you all, but i need to keep posting to others ..this is how i manage to keep strong.

Don't bother replying please, i'm not the one to give away to get smthing back 🙂

Fight on..lets do it!!!! Keep strong all xx

Day at a time

S x

Keep fighting and posting Hun...it's about getting the balance right for us all as individuals and having bespoke recovery ..

My balance has been way out of kilter which is why now I have to be extremely measured. I have no off button when I'm giving out but I cannot abstain from people sadly as much as I'd like to ...I have to only give to get now...to re address the balance. I can't be trusted with anything else for a long time.

Keep fighting ..your doing fab! Xxx

Hiya Sandra

Its so hard at times I know how u feel, I sometimes think she it really be this hard? All the effort sometimes I think we don't get rewarded on but hey no one said it was goin to be easy, just av to keep digging deep and find that little extra

And that's where all the support u give and get helps to get through the tough days

Castle2

Heh heh Julie, you are a little cracker 🙂 i couldn't hold my laugh in about chicken, got the whole "smoking shed" out of the trance and back on their feet lol lol xx thank you

Thank you Rachel and Castle, your thoughts as always appreciated and taken on board 🙂 Rachel, hope you found your outlet for anger yesterday and it wasn't tragic one 😀 xx

Good morning diary,

Duties done, feel worse than on a weekend. Got proper snotty nose going, can't hear anything, temperature sky high...but hey..my shifts done and dusted lol

On top of it all, had my new "help" to train...cmon...seriously? I never seen person to be attached to my a*** for the whole 13 hrs in both days...really had to do a runner few times lol....it's tough to do ur duties and train another person at the same time...not enough time, more stressful and confusing...( prob not the right time with me having cold too )...bless...all for the sake of business...and my freedom to get out from there of course 🙂

In general, ticking along slowly...but steady... Counting days till "the day " for it to pass...yep, i know..not much spirit on this occasion...smthing different this year...really don't "feel" it...( maybe couse find out that santa isn't real ha ha )

Ok...enough blah blah..really tired, and when i have high temp my ' loopy' side start coming out lol...all good fun.

No gambling to report, occasional mood drops, but it's normal in my little world so just dealing with it.

Hey ho...sun goes up and down...just keep digging myself out of this S***e....happy days.( will come eventually 🙂 )

Day off...yay...sleepy time is here 🙂

Take care all

Day at a time

Sleepy sleepy S xx

Hi thanks for post hope you feel better soon I have son off school think he might have flu as he s exhausted .

Thank you so much digglesnan..i hope ur son will feel better soon xx

Dear diary,

Come back with some thoughts about life.

Had a conversation with employee this morning, which surprised me and made me to look at myself too. General conversation " How you feeling today?"..." what's ur plans for the days off? " soon took a turn for a full emotional explosion. Person just let it all go and and pour her heart and worries out... i found myself a bit uneasy and not knowing what to say. I didn't expect to hear what i did and it shoock me big deal. Something so much important for person, and they decide to chose me to share it with. I am still numb about it...but...life and it's surprises.

Life is too short for regrets, sadness, dissapointment. It can take a turn so unexpected.

I am all sitting here, fighting my urges, giving time to THINK about urges??? ....and completely ignoring my life, health..i'm postponing important test at doctors..for 4 mnths now....simply don't want to know the truth. Sometimes it's better not to know...

I need to learn to enjoy life while i can. When i think i wasted so much time on gambling it makes me so sad. I don't want to waste a minute more for that. Take out of life what i can and while i can!!

No gambling today

S x

Please don't see this post as negative. Great deal of thought there, life from all angles.

Hey Ms S ...I NEVER see your posts as negative my lovely so don't apologise ! ( slapping your wrists right now ) ..lol

Serious note now and yes I'm gonna be a bit preachy but with good intent,Have you got someone to go with you for your tests?

I also put off things like that and then it gets built up into a massive fear. I didn't have a smear for 12 years convinced I had something and built it up to such a stress that on the day I went I even wrote out a new will!! And had a panic attack through my tears.

Not going to pry any further but all i will say is the sooner you go no matter what your stress will reduce..the fear of the unknown is far worse than the fear of the known.

No matter what it can be sorted as you have youth on your side Hun..

I know you think and care a lot about others but today put yourself first,..make that appointment and self care ..

R and D xxx

Ps ..and please get any fears out of you that somehow you will be punished with something awful for being " "bad"...;-) ..

When I went for blood tests when I was with ex ..I thought they were going to tell me I had HIV or something and believed this was my punishment for not being able to cope living with him. Telling you this just to share with you that no matter what fears you have I also had them too, xxxxx

Ps ..and please get any fears out of you that somehow you will be punished with something awful for being " "bad"...;-) ..

When I went for blood tests when I was with ex ..I thought they were going to tell me I had HIV or something and believed this was my punishment for not being able to cope living with him. Telling you this just to share with you that no matter what fears you have I also had them too, xxxxx

(((((( Rachel )))))) , ((((((((( Julie )))))))) 🙂 xx

It's all good ladies. No worries, no stress :-)...it was a thought to myself, but didn't have time to delete it lol couse Rach ( naughty girl - slap ur wrists ) posted on top of mine lol...so i just leave it there 🙂

Let's change a subject for smthing more uplifting!!

Rachel is keeping safe and kicking some bad arses, and Julie fighting with all her might ( alongside little sandra lol )

Soon be some peaceful time ladies...getting hungry for my 12 dishes...lol. 🙂

Time to go for a little visit round sis...( hmm...i believe will be a good one !! NOT ) lol

Take care all...and just tk it easy

S x

Sandra

Thanks for the kind words on my thread, me I have fallen in love again, with RECOVERY, yes I let my addiction try and tease me back in to loving it again, it got a brief kiss but nothing more.

Recovery is the gift that keeps giving, every day it gifts me a greater belief, a belief in living a better life.

I am so glad you share the self same feeling.

To ABSTAIN and MAINTAIN

Duncs stepping forward never back.