...

Dropping in to give this very special lady a hug! ((((Sandra))).... CONGRATS!!! Day 75 is fantastic. Always remember what a unique and wonderful lady you are (and I hope you remember that when you feel your worst). Your support means a lot.

Hey S..

Just a nightcap before I turn in to say well done and I hope you have given yourself a big pat on the back today ...75 days and each day a step away from the dark times and into the Sunshine...your rightful place Missy

(((S))) xx

Hey girls, thank you very much..i can do better than this lol...managed over 135 days before..lets beat it 😀

Diary,

Very very very tired. Writing now, couse sure will pass out as soon as i will open front door lol..hell of the night, no more 'gasoline' left in me...but ...just keep going...just a little bit more 🙂

Thank you all

I hope you had a lovely Saturday...( don't worry about me here crawling on all fours couse feet refuse to take me to my destination lol )

No gambling and no no running today( done my 100miles already here lol)....just blissful sleeps...cmon..5 more hrs....

Day at a time

Sandra x

Yo,

Hope you wake rested Hun, tank filled ready to carry on the good fight .

Perseverance the key not only in recovery but more importantly getting through the challenges that candy crush continues to throw at us . I am sooooooo stuck on one level ,will I throw in the towel

No sireeeeeeeee !

Take care Hun

Shiny

Xxxxxxx

Thank you Shiny, Julie xx

Diary,

Feel like in a horror movie today lol...no f****g sleep is taking it's tool. I wish i knew how to swich off...but...

Anyway no gambling..will not go there..need to sort my head out..one more night in a office and the deal is sealed ( if i mk it lol)

w*f? ( deal is sealed ) ..lol...oh well..lost the plot!!

S x

Hey candy crush..I am thinking you are asleep now counting sweets :-))???

I am laughing thinking about your deal ..heh heh heh now THAT is a challenge..but one I shall fail miserably because I will have to buy lots of duck tape to stick over my mouth ...lol lol ..or cotton wool! ..

You would have to attach one of those little cameras to me and follow my "no anger " progress ...

I love that challenge and I will try doing it with no reward BUT but I would love for you to treat YOURSELF to something really nice :-))) 10 years is toooooo long to wait to reward yourself for a fantastic achievement.

Im thinking a new bed??? Or a years supply of pyjamas..

Whilst you're thinking I am going to send you this link which you may have already seen as it's doing the rounds ...but it even brought a tear to my eye and you know what a cynic I am...lol

Enjoy! Ho ho ho..

R and D xxx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIEIvi2MuEk&sns=em

'Twas the night before Xmas.....xx

Thank you girls xx

Nice vid Rach...crying my eyes out for some reason...not too sad,just memories back..it is Xmas, happy day..enjoy it with ur heart and soul..you deserve it more than anyone on this planet... xxx

Julie, no problem girl, i hope you get some rest eventually and really thankful for your support and smiles we share 🙂 xxx

Diary,

Used my last "given hours" off this year...so home early..

Put recorded X factor on and have a quiet night ( morning ) i should say.

No gambling...

Counting days down for it to come and get over with...not much passion this year..

........mind goes back to the Xmas morning few years ago, hugging and wishing Merry Xmas to......

Night diary

S x

Dear diary,

Really really struggling with my feelings today. I know the main part is tiredness. I want to go away from diaries and get over it solo...i am not sure if i'm strong enough to do so.

It is scary...and i'm not getting scared easily...i am scared of myself, my mind, my moods. I can't look to tomorrow at the minute because i'm not sure i can get ova today.

So much to do...so little time... i am on a go 24/7 ...tiring..how you snap of it and allow my mind and body to rest? I hate this time...i never felt about Xmas this way before. Have i learned about my feels in my journey?

I want to sleep till next year...i'm thinking of silly things...but recent death of a person i knew stops me in my tracks...i think about it again and again....how weak do hav to be to leave family behind? I am mad with the world...selfish thing to do..very selfish..

I need some sleep..it will get better..it will..get a grip woman...there are ppl who cares..parents, sis, little boy, Sofi, .....cmon.....stay fckn strong and fight for ur life...

Day at a time...nothing more..ride it out...ride it out

I will get ova it...i know i will!!

X

Dear diary,

Had my sleep..feels good to wake up with light head and not sleepy eyes. Don't feel as zombie today lol..

Feel good, feel i am ready to fight no matter what. Got my spark back, feel happy, got belief..

Biggest thank you for Joan for posting in her diary today. You my friend gifted me the spark back about Xmas. Don't care how long it will last, but will put all the festive lights today, sparkling Xmas tree and enjoy the scenary. Get it all in..thank you girl!!

Day 77..( guard up as rainman says ) we can do it...soon be Xmas ....need to learn to love myself as i love others...at least for that one day 🙂

Day at a time

Sandra x

Thank you so much for the post in my diary. I wish you all the best in your fight. One day at a time and we can do it. Jx

Sandra

Cant argue with your sentiments and dont want to hold grudges but surprised you read and care about my progress and welfare given the content of your previous posts to me......

Thanx all,

Cap, i don'g hold grudges either. We all heading to the same direction. Progress, not perfection.

Diary,

A bit of poetic mood lol...like you do 🙂 just words about my recovery 🙂

This time last year i couldn't see it clear

I hide behind the screen and didn't look at my fears..

This time last year i forgot how to breath

To accept everything life throws at me.

The pain, the hate, the anger was there

But i chose to block it because i was scared.

I sank to the darkest place i could be

With no hope, no willpower, no strenght to believe.

And suddenly i could see that light in front of me

Blurred and not bright, just the ray i could see...

I reached my hand and made the first step

For that better future which lies ahead.

I feel, i see, ..i trip on the way..

But always get up to do it again.

I know i can do it i hope you do too

Lets fight the good fight ...i will if you do!!!

Lol..poet Sandra xxx

hey Sandra

well done my friend on your gamble free days. Keep going for a gamble free Christmas.

Stuxx