...

LOL girl that coffee has now been changed to one of them mikes hard rock lemonades. LOL hell got a big snow storm coming and my f**g is so stock with alcohol ain't got much room for food. Sh-it must got over a case of beer and a 12 pack of the mikes in it. Hell got about 2 cases of beer sitting on the basement steps for back up too. LOL Yup ain't no snow storm gonna slow me down. Yeah I'll be checking into them utube videos soon. Only got like 3 hours of sleep so a little slow today. LOL

Oh my god...please stop soul 🙂

I am on the floor here 🙂

You take it easy, can't have too many cold ones..will be like me hugging toilet in a morning LOL

Make sure you won't get snowed in..need to keep u on a radar 🙂

Thank you Ryan and DF...most appreciated..

Not in a perfect form...but hey...no gambling - no problem 😀

S xx

Time for sleeps indeed before i get out of my way 🙂

Hey Julie 🙂 8 years is very big dedication!! I worked 2 til 22:00 for eight years...not much life either...but feel more stuck now working nights...hey ho..will see what future brings 🙂

Dear diary,

Not too bad start of the day .no hangover ( thank god ) and all is good. Woke up with a thought of going to work today!! Absolutely lost the plot, nearly started getting ready and then clicked on it's Sunday lol lol...d**n best news i could give to myself haha

Day 83,no gambling issues.... gonna give a run a go today. Sun is half shining so better don't waste time 🙂

Take care dear fighters

We all doing brill - be proud of yourselves all !!

S x

Dear diary,

Feel a bit thoughtful today. No direct hangover from my few glasses of wine last night, but defo feel it on my moods lol..

My heart light up seeing Carla's post...she is OK...struggling..but ok...i will try not to worry about you too much girl, i know brighter days will come..

So, reflecting on this year and my journey so far.It has been the worst start of the year, but progress with myself is immense.

I entered this recovery, i accepted help and digged so deep in myself i now know myself inside out.

Having counselling was the most painful experience ever, but had to be done. I will always be thankful to that lovely and understanding lady. I do keep contact with her, and am blessed to to find her on my journey. Support can come from unexpected directions, and it is very true...as i thought your dearest and loved ones should be the person ( in my case my sis) i was very wrong...but it is what it is - accept it.

Samaritans, counsellor, my pal, and this amazing site dragged me out of the darkest place on Earth. I will always be thankful.

I found a lot of friends here, you all are special to me. I communicate with wee pal Irene behind the forum walls, which is great lady and i will always be there for her on good or bad times 🙂 My hat off to you darling, keep moving on and never look back.

Many of you fighters stuck in my mind, but one of you..yep...Dear Rachel 😉 helped me to see myself in every light in this recovery. I never thought that so much lies beneath when you open "Pandora box"..Good bad and the ugly is the best way to move forward and my hat off to you too girl, be yourself, spread the word and shine the light!!!! Great inspiration 🙂

I had few changes in my personal life too this year.I changed jobs and i know it may not be the perfect turnaround for me, but hey, you won't know if you won't try 🙂

i am making progress and i acknowledge it. the best thing is.. i'm off the merry go round and couldn't be happier for it.I found my athletic side as well lol...and the "soft" and funny Sandra which was here all along, but too scared and not confident to come out. I got so much confidence too ( not sure if it's the good thing lol ) but it makes my daily life easier to navigate 🙂

Life is full of surprises. You just have to accept it, forget bad as soon as possible and enjoy good as long as you can.

It is slow progress, and i didn't achieve all my set targets, but as long as i accomplished even one ( which was more than that) i am truly happy and thankful.

Life hasn't been fair for me in the past, and i made some wrong decisions on a way, but i accept it all now, mistakes are normal, that's how we learn, and i learned more than i could ask for while finding this site 8 months ago and all wonderful souls on here.

You all are in my heart, i wouldn't of done it by myself, so big big THANK YOU to you all, you not only saved my life but helped me to find true me which was lost in a darkness for too long.

God bless

Wow...that's it for now 🙂

Sandra x

Take care all and thank you so much for being here xxxxx

Oh wee pal

What a beautiful post to read....it makes me so happy to read about those changes. You are a courageous and generous lady and deserve all the happiness and peace Sandra.

You have also been a true friend to me over the months- thanks!

Take care

I

x

Hi Sandra

Reading posts like that makes it all worthwhile, have a great xmas and hope next year is a great one for u, thanks for all ur support throughout the year

Castle2

Thank you all so much xxx

Dear diary,

Monday, the big day is closer than i would like...not ready yet aghr.. lol....but it is magic time and miracles might happen 🙂 been long night ..my insomnia will finish me off soon...tra la la..time for sleeps soon me thinks 🙂

No gambling, spend my time posting instead of sitting in front of motionless screen watching figures spin...how bad it sounds when you put it on black and white....complete waste of time...something happened last night, which made me to "see" people through. Good intentions all around me, i am learning to stop judging upfront. You can't judge book by its cover - that's the rule 🙂 All of us has layers, and sometimes it takes a while to see what is underneath..

Ok, please excuse me who reads, but below is few words for my parents...in my language....sorry but my heart screams out to leave a note for them on my diary...it's Xmas after all 🙂

..Brangus teveliai,

Dar vieni metai prabego, reikalaujantys daug jegu ir tikejimo..as buvau arciau mirties negu galejau isivaizduoti. As negalejau jums pasipasakoti savo skausmo ir kanciu...nepykit uz tai.., as vis dar cia, gyvenu, kapstausi is sio purvo.....Mamyte, teveli jus buvote tas siulas tarp mano gyvenimo ir mirties. Nepykit kad negaliu praleisti sio stebuklingo laiko su jumis, bet jus abu visada esate ir busite giliai mano sirdyje. Visuomet mylesiu ir niekada jusu nepamirsiu xx

Su Sv. Kaledom - lai atnesa si svente daug sveikatos,stiprybes ir tarpusavio santarves.

S x...sleepy time is here xx :-):-):-):-):-)

Hi Sis,

Yes, we all have layers. I agree. I have learned the hard way to avoid judging others. I learned that if I see something in someone else that I want to pounce on; that it usually means something inside of me is what is in need of readjustment. Not the other guy. I cannot fix other people. Only me. Anyway, you're a star. Keep doing what you are doing because it is working. Except for the insomnia. Gotta get some rest sweetheart. Easy said than done eh? Oh, last thing. I discovered chocolate covered cashews.. Something else to get addicted to. lol. -joanxxxxx

Thanks for post you truly are an inspiration and so very thoughtful of all of us. love to read posts you write all over this forum your kindness shines through always have a great christmas.

Happy tears rolling now. Thanks -- I needed that!! -joanxxxxxxx

Thank you all so much. Please don't feel need to write back, it warms my heart to leave you all a message 🙂

Joan...i'm slapping my wrists here...it wasn't my intention to upset you or bring emotional tear to you..just wanted you to know i will always be by your side through good or bad xx

Diary,

Quick one, couse already late for work..Oh well, it's Xmas lol..will be forgiven 🙂

Feel upset reading few posts recently, i know i shouldn't take it too deep, but as emotional creature i am, can't skip painful comments...

Hey ho...NO gambling, that's what matters,

Work here i come, my lovely feast tomorrow, put myself on diet these days to make sure i can fit all 12 dishes down lol

Day at a time

Sandra x

Ha ha Julie, they only talk in a dark on Xmas eve..so about 6-7 tomorrow night 🙂

I can imagine you sitting there after work having a full blown conversation with a dog lol...only one way 😉

Tk care x

Thank you Julie xx have a lovely time this Xmas xx

Sandra - I've been looking at your posts over the last few days and haven't really responded to any of them........but let me remind you of just a couple which demonstrate strength, resolve, courage and someone I look at as being an inspiration to everyone on this forum...........

Not going to name names, but a couple of nights ago you stepped out of what I think is a comfort zone for you and challenged someone..........it was superb to see and gave me a bit of courage to stand up for myself.

You then took the time to post best wishes on other peoples diaries........despite your own inner feelings you wanted to make other people feel good.

You see, you are an amazing person, full of humility, compassion and goodness.......a person who deserves so much more than the life you have been dealing with. It seems to me that gambling for you has been a way of seeking comfort from life.......and that has turned into a habit that can't be controlled.......which perpetuates into the spiral of gamble, get comfort while it's happening, but then when it's over you beat yourself up with guilt.........however, you've been breaking that cycle and with it the habit.........

I worry that you've had a rough night, filled with doubt and negative thoughts around your value and self worth.......could be a trigger for comfort seeking again.....but I know you're better than that.

I need your support in the same way as you need mine and that of others. I need you to know that I value you, that you deserve more and need to start visualizing how great life is going to be......the past is the past and way beyond your sphere of influence. Look forward and instead of writing down all the things you regret, dislike yourself for, the reasons for guilt etc., write down all the things you are going to achieve, the things that you aspire to, how you are going to feel, what life is going to be for you......and start believing that you are going to achieve them.

I've been listening to an audio book called "The Secret" but Rhonda someone.......it's about positive thinking and feeling and is really helping - maybe worth a try?

So ramblings over........but please be proud of what you're doing, of what you are achieving........and more so of you........you're amazing.

Hope you get a decent sleep and wake up refreshed and ready to fight the good fight.

Mr Brightside xx