...

Thank you Julie,

A song before work...like you do 🙂

Have a lovely Saturday all

http://youtu.be/CGyEd0aKWZE

s x

Thank you darling, get good sleep x

Dear diary,

As much as i tried to occupy my thoughts and throw myself into work, i can't shake weird feeling i have in recent days. It is not urges, it is just something taking over my moods. I feel like dead walking and really don't take much notice of others around me.

I so want to start afresh and leave past behind.

I am gonna try to think more positive about next year, and set myself few goals . I am in charge of my life and need to do smthing about it.

I need to start liking myself more and forgive myself for things i've got myself into so far in my life. To be able to look in the mirror and see the girl i am....not exhausted, lifeless creature who waisted her life running away from everything life thrown at her. I simply can't run away anymore.

Why is it so hard to let go of the past and start looking ahead?

X

Hi Sandra... Maybe the answer to your question is that its scary. To plan and venture into the unknown is scary. Its easy to wallow in the past and hold on to feelings from the past. But the bottom line is that the past is gone.. nout you or I can do about it now. To stress about the past is wasted energy.

I have similar head space to what you describe. Change is not easy. Take care.. S.A

Hi I know what you mean by finding it hard to move forward but I think that though we can never forget everything we can choose to lock the memories away and strive to make our new memories and goals happy and achievable for ourselves .And when you look in the mirror see the kind thoughtful wonderful person you are looking back at you .you have made me smile and many others with your kind words.here s to a happy healthy 2014 .thanks again for great support

Hi Sandra

Just wanted to post in your diary and thank you for your continued support and contribution to my diary. Not only do you contribute to mine but also, to many other diaries. I am sure this will help with your own recovery as well.

I wish you all the very best for 2014 and your continued commitment in your recovery.

Take care.

Feb.

Thank you all, most appreciated.

Please nobody worry bout me, i do need to vent things out now and again.

No worries, getting back to reality...will get there by 2014..that's for sure lol

Stay out of trouble all...

...and keep fighting the good fight

S x

Day 91...Monday..work..tiredness..

...ramble over 😀 xx

P.s. two days away from New year...wow..can't wait to spend it on a couch..lol...( as you do )...;-)

Just need a good excuse why i can't go out New years eve...any suggestions?? 🙂

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for popping by to offer me support it is much appreciated.

I have just spent some time reading through your diary and wanted to say well done for coming so far in such a short space of time. You have had your ups and downs as we all have. Each of our journeys is an individual one but we can all spot some similarities in each others stories.

You have put together two really long periods of non gambling and this shows that you are really working hard to kick this vile addiction.

Each day is a new battle and one thing that really touched me was the emotional fallout from such addictions, you have so many others walking with you on this journey, arm in arm we can do this!

Stay safe and strong

Paulds

Thank you so much my friends. Paulds, your post really touch me and I thank you from my heart for your kind words....besides, you must of been soooooo bored to go through my diary lol...you have a lot of patience 🙂

Dear diary,

Today I am looking back at my recovery so far. I am the happiest person in the world to find this site, to have opportunity to share my story with all of you and take initial steps of putting the puzzle of my life together. I couldn't of done it on my own and that is honest true.

I learned so much, good and bad, I looked at myself inside out, and got the picture of the events of my life. Only here I was able to put my life on black and white.

I will be thankful to each and every one of you here, for listening, understanding, not judging. I put everything down, the story of my life, and it did help me to find my old self, to pick myself up where I fall...many years ago, and start it all again. Many lessons learned, many tears fall, many smiles and laugh shared. It is my life, and I know how I can make it better.

Day at a time, I am in a driving seat and I will reach the light by being honest with myself and making the right choice each day.

Thank you so much again, all of you are in my heart and I am trully blessed to have an opportunity to share my journey with you.

Will not gamble today, I don't need to destroy my life, I need to keep putting it all back together and enjoy the picture which only I can make. Hope, belief, acceptance, patience and understanding. It is all out here for me and all is for free!! Just grab it and hold on tight.

Day at a time

Strength to you all

Sandra x

Hey Julie, thank you for the post..work??? Boooo lol...I have few days off now lol...but will keep an eye on u, don't u worry ...crafty cigs lover 🙂

Diary,

As my day progresses, just want to log that feel so much better today. Last week wasn't the best one, but I did learn a big deal about myself and " controlling " my anger.

I did come out the other end eventually, no financial damge..which is good.

Went for a run today. o*g - I feel like newborn!!! 5 miles in over one hour. I think this was one of the reasons for my recent mood swings. I didn't run for 4 days, and had too much energy and frustations inside me, but no way to let it all out.

I was saddened to see those terrorists attacks in Russia yesterday and today. World is full of hater and selfishness. My heart goes out to all the families who lost their loved ones.

Right, no gambling - no problem. Keeping on a straight and narrow through good bad and the ugly.

Strength to all dear fighters

Day at a time

S x

You have a big heart, Sandra. Don't worry. I won't give up.... never will. Congrats to you on your success and keep that up!

I so appreciate that you care. I just need to feel able to vent instead of bottling it up like I usually do.

Stay away from that fricken' weed, girl! (((Sandra))) Thanks for caring.

It was one blip in 3 years girl..no more..i have some sort of life to live...as you do too xxxxx

Hi Sandra, have been reading through some of your story it is very insightful. Not managed to get through it all yet as you have a lot 🙂

If I don't catch you today thank you for your support and I hope you have a wonderful new year.

Amanda

Hey Sandra

Brilliant posts yesterday - hoping that you'll be wakening up with the same optimism and positivity today - the good days are great.........but you know, as long as the bad days remain gamble free, they are great too.

Your honesty, support, determination and courage are really inspirational........Thankyou!!!!

2014 is our year - let's be having it!!

Take care,

Mr Brightside