...

Good morning mate ( always morning to me lol ) xx

Dear diary,

Sun is out!!! That's all i miss over these dark days of winter. Feeling good today, had a good sleep and do feel rested. Got spring in my feet and want to keep busy today.

Defo good run in a minute to start my day in high spirits 🙂

Not gonna lie, had a sneaky 10 sec thought about slots..gone as soon as it came..this addiction is so patient...just waits there...on good or bad days...

Determined to look at more jobs today...daytime ones..i was told that nightshift is not for everyone..i know i hacked it for nearly 9 months...but since then i gone on really big rollercoaster..tiredness is always there...and it's killing me slowly... i have applied for a few places...but still nothing..need to keep looking..

I am glad my moods don't push me into gambling..that would just top it off. Remembered New years Eve...something i can't mk myself to speak about yet...but deep down know i have to adress the issue.. i just know my mindest can change in hours...and i never been so scared before...

Not sure what plays the biggest part in this...stress at work, past or my addiction...just know i need to stay strong and snap out of it...Rome wasn't built in a day...i need to take it easy and work on it..

Hey ho..what started with uplifting post...turned to ...well..best go for a run and take my mindset back in control.

I can't change past but i believe in my future..yes, as long as i keep making right choices.

No gambling today

S x

Hi Sandra,

Hope you're getting a nice few hours of sleep in at the moment, my mum did 30+ years of night shift work, and she always says that she always preferred it over the day shifts, as she worked as a carer in an old folks home, and they were mainly asleep for most of her shift. It isn't for everyone though, I've done the occasional night shift working as a security guard, and I think my current shifts of 2-10 are the right balance between night and day for me.

Managers are cr** everywhere I think, but I hope you get a placement somewhere nice where the surroundings are more welcoming. I've always wanted to go to China, but I'm not sure how working there would be. Keep trying to find something, you never know what might turn up.

All the best

Ryan

Thanx all...god bless xx

Thank you so much Ryan and Julie xx... Julie, I don't need ur monwy box lol, but hug is very welcome 🙂

Dear diary,

Day 106 thats (15 weeks since my silly slip ).

Not too bad. Staying on the right track. Had a bit low few hours yesterday, and urges was present, so contacted GC...it felt good to touch the ground and see things for what they are. While I am in that depressing bubble, I do forget the positives of my journey. Thank you Roxanne for your support, advice and honest chat.

So, moving forward, still learning from my moods and reactions to certain things. No gambling for today and it's staying this way.

A bit of journey on a way this weekend. Back to Manchester to see my friend. And another mate flying there from Ireland....so sort of classmates reunion. A bit worried if my car gonna make it lol...plus bloody tires needs changing!!! And short of time to sort it out..might look at train journey this time..

Anyhoo...sun is shin7ng and beckoning me outside for a run :-)) all is said.

Day at a time

Stay strong and safe all

Sandra xx

Waiting on a sunny day

http://youtu.be/TiCxqhu9cio

Xx

........Come across this little exercise to become more within myself. Maybe losing my mind, but found this article really inspiring.....it is not about gambling, but possible reasons why we make those wrong decisions...need to learn to become one and be urself when ur soul feels lost and unsettled....

Aghrrrr...struggling today...not sure why...just need to breathe and believe in possible change with myself...will go through hot ashes with bare feet..but will not turn to give my soul to the evil addiction. .. not today..

The Heart of Soul Healing Techniques

By Ken Page

One thing which recently came to my attention was most metaphysical people are taught and continually asked to project energy, light and love to all those around them. An interesting phenomenon occurs when we project anything to anybody outside of our own personal space, no matter how innocent or well meaning our original intent is (by projection we mean any thoughts or feelings sent out to influence others, visually, mentally, or spiritually, through ideas, meditations, or prayers). All of us live with many different polarities in our third dimensional world. Sending love, for example, to someone else is complicated because we might not know exactly what they are here to learn. We don’t know what the lessons really are, or where they are truly coming from. We might be working on humility and they might be working on guilt. As a result others may need to learn things in a very different way than the way we might choose for ourselves. Whatever the case, we are doing well just to clearly understand and know these things about ourselves. All of us know for sure we are working on certain lessons, we are operating with our own personal perspective of love and we have created individual situations we are doing our best to understand. As we project our version of anything, (for example, love), to others, we are immediately drawn into an energetic exchange, triggered by any polarities and distortions we may have over that particular feeling, idea, or emotion. As a result, many of us begin to feel psychically beat up, or pushed around, and we often have no idea why. Consider the idea of not projecting at all. Rather than send out energy of anything, BECOME the essence of the energy itself....in other words: BE LOVE.

Now that you are not projecting anything outward, it will be easier to stay in your own space. Proceed to the second process: the technique of clearing yourself within 30 to 45 seconds. What if we were to tell you there was a place where you were alone, 3, 4, 5 or more times a day, in complete privacy, where you basically have nothing else to do but just be? Impossible? No, not really. This place is of course, the bathroom! While this might even seem laughable to some of you, think a moment. If we said you would have to stop your busy schedule even just two times a day to change your life and even if we could give you provable results, how many of us would really follow through? This is why we are suggesting you simply begin the following clearing technique the very next time you go to the bathroom. In that moment of privacy, whether you are sitting or standing, do the following: Using your intent and focus, bring your hands up, over your head and as you relieve yourself, simply think CLEAR. As you think ‘Clear’, bring your hands down the front midline of your body, as your body does in actuality physically clear itself. Bring yourself into your own space. Anything you can do on a physical level is always much more powerful in our third dimensional world.

This brings us to our third technique: Being in your space and staying in the moment. You begin simply by pulling yourself in, just using your conscious intent and focus. A very easy way to do this is to extend your arms out from your body, as if getting ready for a wide embrace. Focusing on the thought you are now going to pull yourself in, sense, feel, or see your energetic fields coming in closer and closer to your body, as you slowly bring your outstretched arms in, enveloping and holding your own incoming energy. Proceed until you have a sense of being energetically and completely in your own physical space, while continuing to ask to “Be all here.”

Now bring one or both of your hands to rest over your solar plexus area. Up until this point you have probably invested about 10 to 15 seconds of your time. Now take another 5 to 10 seconds to just be in your space, be in the moment and love yourself. That’s it! That is all there is to it. Repeat this each time you go to the bathroom during the day and you will have consciously cleared yourself and all your fields four, five, or more times each day! Anything you do with conscious attention and focus everyday, even if it only takes 20 seconds of your time, will change your life. While it may seem too simple, try it for just three short days. Your life will change dramatically. Rather than being automatically drawn into reactive interactions, you will be able to remain in choice. You will be able to maintain a proactive state where you can choose how, where and when you wish to interact with others.

Bringing yourself back into your own space will benefit you on every level of your life: mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Have unconditional love for yourself—every aspect, whether you are tall, fat, big, or small. You will find it will not take very long, be it a few days, or a few weeks, before most people will start treating you very differently. You will actually become unconditional love. As you become more and more unconditional with yourself, the balance of your beingness will radiate, not project, out through the compassion you have become and people will react differently with you.

I realize some of the things I’ve suggested may be different from the way you’ve been taught in the past. Please consider what I’ve suggested. Try it for a short time and see what happens. Remember, no projections at all—no projection on what you want for your kids, your partner or even the world! Just stay in your space, loving, respecting and being one with yourself, while being love. Do your best to always create in a space where you’re happy and playful. If you find yourself in a spiral of emotions or confusion, do something physical—dance, play, take a walk—break that spiral and get yourself back into a centered, balanced state. Only create within that space. Love, accept and honor yourself for the unique being you are. Spend just a few moments a day on yourself, being love and you will change your life! And most importantly, remember to play!

Hello diary,

Back again lol

Spend good few hours on the site reading diaries. Very inspiring indeed. Mood lifted, feel stronger and proud of my atchievement so far.

I have to be more optimistic. It is not as bad as I like to think. I am getting stability in my life. Slowly things are sorting out. Only need to look for job.

I am glad I found this site and without all of you guys and staff here I wouldn't of done it. I believe a rest from the diaries is healthy, for some reason I always think to pull away then I feel low?..my diary is my testament in this recovery. I am who I am and as we all, I do have up and down days. But at the end of the day I am here, feel secured and comfy around great souls on here. I learned so much in my journey. I didn't know much about life I have to say. I never thought I can analyse my feelings to the scratch. I like to feel now, good bad and the ugly. Always learning on the way thanks to all of you dear soldiers.

No gambling today. Early night and hopefully have peaceful sleep 🙂 ( I like my sleep lol...just never get enough haha )

Stay strong all

God bless

Right now...that's what matters the most

http://youtu.be/NBWHZGfVR3s

S x

Heh heh..thanx mate 🙂

Hands already glued behind my back..ready for the battle 🙂

Dear diray,

Sweet and simple - no gambling today!! 🙂

Stay safe all

Day at a time

S x

Good morning diary,

Day 108 and feel unexpected calmness and peace with myself. Not used to this feeling so just treasuring every minute. Work was surprisingly OK.

Thought about all the gambling and s**t i put myself in. Tiny little steps forward ...i accept it all. Past is past, i need to keep making the right choice and look ahead.

Not sure what else to put down lol...everyone goes Phew!!Finally !! Lol

...so just little read of my book and back to the dream kingdom. See what sunrise brings to my day later.

Day at a time

Peace to all

Sandra x

P.s. a note to Julie :-)))

Level 161 !!! Got those candies under my foot lol..2 levels in one night...must be blessed ha ha xx

Hi Sandra... enjoy your calmness and peace whilst it lasts. Take care.. S.A 🙂

Sandra

so pleased to read you have found a level of balance, keep taking good care of yourself and I hope it will long remain.

for me again the key to recovery is it is actually enjoyable. It will gift you for your efforts, it won't trick you into doing something that will have impact further down the line, it will just keep gifting.

You my dear friend keep taking

duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Sandra,

Hope that feeling of calm continues for you, and well done for every day that goes by without gambling. I saw you mention your notepad on another post - I used to try and make to-do lists in my previous job, and always ended up either losing the to-do list and finding it a few days later once I had a new pile of work to do!

Keep fighting the good fight.

Ryan

Thank you so much SA, Julie, Duncs and Ryan ..really heart warming words...just my peace never lasts long lol..

A bit unsettled today, but i suppose it's just another day.

Short and simple - will not gamble today.

S x

Thank you Julie...I am so greatful I share my journey with you. Another angel i have opportunity to meet on my way to recovery.. thank you for everything girl...keep it up xxx

Dear diary,

Back home and feel a bit sad. Thought a lot about my recovery. It is great, I am proud of what I have achieved so far...I just have feel sadness couse I've got attached to so many great souls on here....and many moved away from here.. I fully understand, that making that step forward sooner or later is gonna happen for many of us.. I just hope they moved away for the right reasons and living fulfilling life.

I am not sure how I feel about it...maybe I'm too sensitive ( or just crazy lol ) but I can put hand on my heart and trully say, in the last 8 months here I met more honest, open, "true" souls on here than in my entire 3d life. I have learned so much, I can't put in words...I found myself here...and I keep thinking if not my disgusting addiction, I wouldn't of find my way here. Today I don't mind that I have this addiction....without it, I would probably would still be going round circles and looking for the way out. I come on here - and my journey began. Maybe not as joyful, but definitely honest.

I will always be thankful to all of you, you have no idea how big impact you all had on my recovery and showed the way out of this mess...

I am very worried about few of you at present...Dark place, Soul, Charlotte, Volcano, DF....I hope you all safe,please be kind to yourselves and come back and gives us a shout..,....as well as I terribly miss many others...Digglesnan, Castle, Rachel, ....and more..I have spoke to Irene yesterday and glad she is so happy and moving forward, I really hope all of you who are not around are finding the same happiness.

Not sure why I type this...f*****g hell Sandra, people moved on and found their way away from here and doing what they always wanted to do...

I must be crazy...maybe i shouldnt care this much, but...hey it is me...my crazy blood and brains...and I can't stop it.

People coming and going....like everything else in life I suppose..

Thank you all again, I am very proud to walk the walk with you all, I will never forget you and will always wait for and update :-)))

.....For me....I will keep fighting the good fight, and even if I can help one person to stop and think twice before making a step to self destruction - it will be worth it.

?........well...sob story lol...but feel much better for putting it all down. Recovery is bespoke, and to find all of you on my journey was a miracle to happen in my life....why?...because I'm still here, alive and kicking and making small baby steps ahead. I am honest with myself and others, I feel good and bad, I feel pain, I deal with everything head on and I'm coming out as a better person in life.

Day at a time...sleepy time for me :-)))

Rambling but not gambling!!!!

Take care all xxx

Speak later 😉

S xx

Sandra.

My dear friend it is natural to feel like this, because for me abstinence gifts us our heart, we find feelings again.

The doors here revolve, folk leave for the right reasons for them and at times because they have returned to addiction.

I have been in your shoes many times not just here but more so at GA.

In the 3d world I find it even harder, a fella attends a few

Meetings, you bond and then they never return, the latest was seen exiting a bookies and pretended he had never met the other member he had walked into. That hurt a great deal.

We can't make folk change, it actually can have the opposite affect, that I have learnt.

My list of folk who had a profound impact on my recovery and left here, many before I could give thanks to goes back to February 2012. I often wonder.

On a positive, a huge one, the honourable Smiler, the person who first wrote upon my thread, returned this past week, for all the right reasons and I got to again thank him.

I am fortunate to have contact with members away from the forum, one of which DF, who I know would be happy for me to share with you that she is safe, well and gamble free.

Take care Sandra, look after yourself first and foremost.

Enjoy that sleep.

Duncs stepping forward never back.