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Hey Sandra

Just read your last post and wanted to say that being a caring person like yourself is a wonderful quality to have. You have demonstrated this in abundance on this site and for this, people like me, are truly grateful.

Keep focusing on remaining gamble free - you are doing great!

Take care.

Feb.

I'm still here too Sandra 🙂 will be sticking around for a very very long time. I have to. If i want a life i need to.

I don't know you too well but echo everyone else's comments that you seem like a wonderful kind caring human being. So it is a pleasure to have met you albeit through an online internet forum but who knows one day when we are in great places we may just meet in person.

Take Care

2012 (aka Craig x)

Hi Sandra! Thank you for posting in my diary yesterday and thanks for those kind words!

I just read parts of your diary and I have to say it gives me lot of inspiration and hope. You are doing great and helping others along the way so keep it up! 🙂

Good late afternoon all ... Jeez, coming round from sleeping coma and had to look three times what's happening on my diary lol...Thank you so much Duncs,Feb,Julie, Craig and Jer 🙂 xx

Feel out of comfort zone, couse think I come across like attention seeking or self pitying this morning...lol...it's not the case.

No, as Duncs says, I learned so much from this recovery, and honesty is very important in it all.

I just put my thoughts down, it is 100% me...something I wouldn't dare to write 8 months ago...my confidence rocketed sky high with my recovery...still not sure if it's good thing 😉

I attach to people quickly, sometimes it's a downfall in my character and I do have to kick myself and look in reality.

I was like that before gambling took over and I'm coming back to myself again.

Gambling is so harmful for personality, self esteem, ...everything goes out of window. It is horrible habit which never stops taking....robs your soul, heart, feelings. You become empty shell full of arrogance and hater towards everything....you start to hate yourself and if not starting to act on it...it only can go two different ways...recovery or self destruction. It is never too late to admit you have a problem, i see it as a sign of strength....it shows the habit didn't rob the most important part of human being - soul.

It amazes me every day what recovery can gift.. something new, something amazing and inspiring.

I am no wise woman, nothing special, lost soul looking for the way out to numb the pain...harmful way out...but there is a healthy way out..obly here I can feel myself, and show my good sides and bad sides...simply, couse I haven't got close human beings in my 3d life..my sister refuses to understand me, and I struggle to be as open to her as I am on here..I found my path here and I am very greatful to all of you.. .there is that light at the end of the tunnel...it can be hidden along the way, and we think we lost the sight of it, but it's always there...only for us to choose if we want to see it and carry on towards it or not.. ...

I want ALL of you to find that peace and happiness.....I would give it all to help you to find it...the cyber connection speaks volumes for me...I am glad I found this site, I don't care how you look, how old you are, how long you were in a gambling bubble - we are the same here, we unite and strive for the same goal - freedom. I have respect for you all, no matter which recovery path you choose. Progress not perfection, this site is full of strength and honesty, and I bow to all of you dear soldiers - for trying to set urselves free...

Ok...it might not happen first time, slips are possible, learned that from my own experience...but the main thing is getting back up, dusting ourselves down and going ahead again. This is something we all got on this site. I am proud of all of you, I wish you all the best and I will never give up the fight for myself or anyone of you.

Dear diary,

No gambling to report...went to bed in a dark, woke up in a dark lol...dream world refused to bring me back to reality for a while lol..head is rested, I fully stick to my guns and keep fighting the good fight!!!

Second ramble for the day...sorry all, please don't feel need to reply to it :-))

Day at a time

Sandra xx

Hi Sandra

Hope you are ok, thank you for posting on my journal, very kind of you.

Glad you are ok and had plenty of rest 🙂 you are a very kind and big hearted person and I wish you as much happiness are can be given.

None of my family understands and just puts it down to boredom so the relating factor I can fully comprehend. I just close off, well done for not doing that and coming on here to let all thoughts out. One step at a time you say and I hope one day I can be as open as you 🙂

Take care and talk soon

Amanda

(((((((((Sandra)))))))))

I am still here and will be for a long time. I just not on as often... tying for once a week. I am sorry to read of your sadness but I sure understand it. I also feel a strong connection to people here and it's sad when they disappear. I am also so very worried about DP. Can't write much ... tennis elbow (pinched nerve). It's very painful but I just can't take another leave from work! Just know that you're in my thoughts, even when I'm not posting.

Thank you Amanda and Carla xx..Carla, please don't worry about me and look after yourself, give that hand a rest. And of course i hope you have a good rest yourself and feel more calm and at peace within. Always in my heart girl, no matter how often we get to speak xx

Dear diary,

Day 110. Just woke up, i think i needed to catch up with good sleep, felt ever so tired recently... All is good.

Received another email from the site where my self exclusion ended.. they surely welcoming me back with great fat huge bonus....urge come of course...and gone. Memory of last fiasco with my welcoming offer crossed my mind and didn't think twice before deleting the email.

Don't want to go back there...been there, done it,..no thank you very much.

All is OK..busy day ahead and i will make the most of it.

Stay safe all

Day at a time

Over and out

Sandra x

Hi Sandra

Just wanted to say a very well done on fighting off that email with the "big fat bonus"!! Big and fat to us maybe but to that online site - a drop in the ocean. Leave it in the ocean I say to float away!!

Take care and have a lovely weekend.

Feb.

Hi Sandra... am not surprised that you've been feeling tired... your typical time for posting is in 3.40 a.m lol. You seem to cope with your sleep patterns very well though. We are all different. I find if I just have one night of disturbed sleep or lack of sleep it really messes with my mind for the next couple of days.

Great stuff on your gamble free time and thanks for your support as always.. take care... S.A 🙂

Thank you all so much xx

Dear diary,

Another day g free..111 in fact!! Great number lol

Clocked few miles yesterday, my little beast still roaring lol..good day after all.

Back to work tonight, don't have to go in, but me, workaholic lol...SA, you made me smile about my posting times lol..if you notice my mood swings coming exactly from messed up routine and lack of sleep. I'm just coping doing these hours ( not sure how I manage to keep running going too lol )...I keep searching for new job. It can be done, and I take that inspiration from u my friend 🙂

Anyhooo, no gambling, all is OK.

Take care all

Strength and honour

S x

Hey my friend...thank you so much xxx

Yep...coming in your place to boss u around lol lol ((((J))))

Dear diary,

Little happy tears going down my face. ( in fact, I'm not sure why I feel this way, but for the past month if I get emotional, I can't stop them flowing. w*f??? Takes a week to see again through my big bright blue eyes lol lol).

Anyway, just looked back on my diary, few months back...so much joy,upbeat conversations, hope, strength and belief out there...I feel I am losing my spark for some reason...maybe middle age crisis lol....or maybe just still having my festive blues...

I am still determined to put it all right, I want to get my spring in my step back and make every day count.

I am very happy to be part of this forum...as we say, don't have to talk about gambling all of time, there are so much more in life, than that depressing sad feeling, with flowing memories of the past.

Shine the light people, we can do it, we are doing it and we will carry on on straight and narrow!!!!!

I will not let past mistakes to kill my soul...most precious thing I've still got in me 😀 (...not too big headed lol ...)

((((((((((((((((((((( ALL DEAR FIGHTERS ))))))))))))))))))))))

Sandra xxx

Thanx Julie...you are great lady and i wish you all the best in ur journey xx

Dear diary,

112 days of freedom since my slip and i'm feeling good about my continued abstinence.

Read Shiny's post yesterday, let me tell you girl, my heart woke up and i opened my eyes properly...there are many kind people around me..many of them struggling to understand me and i just don't try hard enough to explain the reasons why i feel this way....i might openen up more to my sister and my best friend..

I have a lot in my life to be thankful for. It can be a 'OK' place to be lol...

Jokes aside, thank you Shiny...it really brought much sense in my little skull :-))

Day at a time

No gambling - no problem....replacing my bad habit with work now...why not...i love this place and should be thankful i have income coming altogether....

Take care all

S x

Thanks Sandra for the support the other day. It was nice to read and helped me to move on from the incident. Great to see you still doing so well and putting in 100+ days is awesome to see. Keep it up Sandra. Take care.

Hi Sandra! Just wanted to say awesome job getting to 112 days! I can't really be much support to others at the moment since I have been struggling pretty bad but trying all I can to stay in the right track now. And I'm happy there is people like you around 🙂

Hi Sandra

Thank you for you kind and caring posts on my diary, you are always so active here and supporting so many people. This is the real reason for this forum so that people like you can help so many.

I really do appreciate all of your support, even if i dont reply so often, well done for your 112 days gamble free ! great job ! i can feel your positive vibes all over this forum. Well done, Dark Place x