Hey Bob, Pink..thank yu so much 🙂 xx
Dear diary,
After some thought and advice I'm gonna get back up and keep my daily posts. Still no gambling in my life, but hav a feeling of something destroying waiting t happen round the corner(like u do...)...I need you diary, I need to vent out and stay strong. Some not very uplifting changes entering my life and as much as I would like t say I keep my addiction at bay trying to deal with everything - I'm not. Feeling as vulnerable as I was on day one..it's there and waiting to jump on my back and rip my soul apart. Can't let it happen, staying as positive as I can...things will work out..belief, patience, strength. ..Nothing can b worse than merry go round selling my heart and soul to soulless machines. I just now managed to get that part of me back...I'm better than before...no turning back.
so here goes..nice and steady day at a time, as long as I keep fighting it, I'm safe.
Really special thank you for those who I keep contact with. Without you all and this site I wouldn't b where I am now...bless you all ((((All))))...I promise t come bk to you all soon enough.
Let's do it soldiers. .never give up giving up
Day at a time
S x
Thank you Julie, I sure will keep fighting 🙂
Dear diary,
It's ok, the beast can stay close by, this way I can look into it's eyes and have a constant reminder of how much pain, destruction, hate towards myself,loneliness, devastation and despair I DON'T wanna have in my life anymore. complete time consuming ugly habit not worth a penny of my hard earned money!!!
Ramble over
Phew...d**n that really worked
Last three words from me : NO GAMBLING TODAY
Day at a time
Stay safe all
S x
Hi Sandra.... your last couple of posts echo many of my thoughts. The forum is fairly quiet at the moment. Some long timers seem to be drifting away, ive eased off a bit as well... even though I know am quite vulnerable at the moment. Addiction loves it when we stop using our support and withdraw into ourselves.
Having said all of this I see that you have fought back and given the two fingered salute to the demons within and re-invigorated your recovery. In turn this has motivated me to post to you.. so thank you! Onwards soldier, day at a time, as I do the same. Regards... S.A 🙂
Hi Sandra,
Well done for beating off the demon for another day...it is only when we start to feel weakened ourselves that it starts to sniff around looking for a vulnerable spot. As you know, quitting gambling doesn't fix everything, far from it, but gambling is the amplifier that makes an awkward situation into a tough situation, and then makes that tough situation into an awful situation.
You know this is a community, and you have been so supportive to me, so anything I can do back that will help, let me know.
Stay strong, we'll be here to help you stay on your feet.
Ryan
Always a struggle, isn't it, but you are a marvelous example of what a real fighter is! Let your arms rest when you need to but never take off the boxing gloves! I'm fighting alongside you!
Thank you SA, Ryan, Carla xxx
Dear diary,
Exhausted!!! ...but still safe and positive..all is good, just day at a time. Hopefully post more later in a day, but for now, just simple and sweet - will not gamble today!!!
Take care all and keep up the good work
it will get better, no doubt about it
S x
Hi Sandra,
Had to smile at the weekend when I made boiled eggs for my grandchildren and they asked for toasted soldiers to dip in them. It immediately reminded me of you and your battle cry to all us soldiers to keep on fighting the dreaded demon.
Hope you are rested and ready to do battle with another day and thank you so much for sticking with me when I retreat into my shell for a few days as it helps me back into the real world.
xxx
Hey ((((DF))))) Yipee!! To b a toasted soldier sums me up perfectly lol..soo good to see you back my friend and as u know toasted soldiers comes in numbers so very pleased to hav u alongside 😉
And thank you (((J))) always good t hear from you AAA girl
Dear diary,
Sleep sleep sleep, all I've done for the last 12 hrs lol..d**n, all and all I want t do now is sleep some more lol.
Keep battling with my ever changing moods which drains me some days too much. Finding the balance is my priority goal. Read somewhere that if you are not struggling, you are not progressing. Trying to see struggles of my life as positive thing now. Keep trying and trying, finding the middle. I am pleased I'm on the right track in this recovery, but as I read somewhere (I like reading lol) even if u on a right track but not moving on - you are still in danger of getting hit..I might b in a first gear, and traffic behind me might be getting bigger, but I'm moving, slowly and cautiously still moving. I will pick the speed up, but for now I just let the rushing drivers to overtake me on this road. Got my hazards on, so hopefully won't get hit....as long as I'm moving on... I should b safe.
So..back again 2hrs later lol..been reading my diary..d**n such a split personality eh?! lol..there is no bigger strength needed if u can put up wiv me lol..do miss sooooo many of my dear friends it can rip my heart apart, but none of you are ever forgotten, and I believe each and every one of you are winning your own battles....even if u are away from these pages..
Finally digged one song out...yep... my ever changing moods, acceptance is the key and I accept myself the way I am. Can b cg but fighting for my rights in this world. Time for a run, let's get in more positive mindset.
On this note - will not gamble today
Day at a time
Stay safe all
S x
Hi Sandra... ditto your last post. I tired too but still getting up early cos its what I do. Finding balance with ever changing moods aint easy is it. Always a work in progress. Every day is different even when it seems like nothing is changing.
Simply by the act of not gambling we are moving forward even when we feel as if stuck in quick sand slowly sinking. Patience is the key, good things come to those who wait.
No gambling today and time for a run. Regards... S.A 🙂
Thank you SA, Every day is different my friend, but we moving on, good days or bad, slow progress is being made simply by makingbthe right choice 🙂
Dear diary,
Another day g free ahead. Sun is shining, all is ok. Mindset calm, another number of hours spent catching up wiv sleep....and so I'm ready for a weekend at work.
Some upsetting news from back home, but I'm not breaking down...I move on, I hold on to the belief and hope it will get better.
It will.
Have a lovely gamble free Easter all, peace and calmness to you, keep making the right choice.
Day at a time
S x
Hello diary!!!
Another day passing by. Special day cause it's g free day!! ...and of course - sun is shining!! Lol..plz don't get insulted clouds lovers, but sun for me means awakening and more energy! 🙂 love it lol (even few freckles on my nose looks adorable these days..sun just loves me as my dad used to say heh heh)
Tiredness is also here,not much sleep and another night at work to navigate, but it's ok, it is life and I choose to earn money the hard way. Hopefully some better news on a way...scary changes...hmmm..but exciting at the same time 🙂
Anyhoo..have to jog on, duties calling
Have a lovely rest of the day all
No gambling in my life...happy happy happy!!
Keep fighting the good fight 😉
S x
Hey Sandra
Lovely to read that you are staying strong and remaining gamble free. Yes, I agree, the sun definitely makes us feel better.
Keep doing what you are doing and have a lovely Easter.
Take care.
Feb.
Thank you Feb, keep smiling and marching onwards on the bright and sunny side of the road 🙂
Dear diary,
Early Easter morning marks my 11 months in recovery...may long I keep making the right choices and kicking the beast out of my life...no more needs to be said.
Have a peaceful, calm and of course safe Easter all.Enjoy yourselves and your loved ones company, something so precious and amazing we can have in this life.
S x
One day at a time my friend well done in your continued recovery I always knew you could do it.
Blondie x
Thank you Bob, Julie, Blondie really appreciated xxx
Dear diary,
Still fighting the good fight. Tired...but hey...staying strong. All will be ok. Spend few days last week wiv my adorable little nephew.such a joy and energy to share. Love him to bits.
Feel like I've been such a self centred b****h for so long...nearly forgot how much happiness, smiles and peace simple genuine things/actions can bring. Life is for living...let's do it and enjoy every waking day .
Will not gamble today, will happily swap it for sleeeeep 🙂
Day at a time...let's keep making the right choice
S x
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