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Hi Sandra,

If I red your post to me correctly, you've signed up for a marathon. Fantastic! 🙂

Am sure you will enjoy miles 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26 and then 385 yards! 😉 .... there easy!! ;-)...not lol... death march to hell springs to mind... only joking. Am sure you will enjoy every mile. Which one are you doing?

Seems like your in a good place at the moment. Great stuff... take care... S.A 🙂

Thank you all

SA, I haven't fully signed up yet, the thought and nagging from work colleagues is still there ( I'm the only one running cause the rest will b walking)..I'm thinking doing one in my town withe the route to another one 26miles away.

Dear diary,

cr** day today ...lol....why L O L because that's all left to do. If I won't laugh about s**t around me I will b crying. And it's something I realy don't want to do today.

Nothing wiv racing day today,, tbh can't even watch these events cause I think its cruelty to animals..(sorry, just my opinion)

So, got a phone call from my friend, which husband committed suicide last year leaving her and two little ones behind.. got me thinking, brought the memories bk rushing over in crazy storm that night, seeing her face and getting complete panic how t go about the whole situation...talking, crying, chain smoking and weirdly... laughing about silliest things cause that just provided that little comfort on silence moments....planning, working stuff out, trying to help her t move on....good half a year later she has the rawest feelings wiv her...question after question..

such can be life, it's not easy to get rid of questions...not only yours....but your loved ones dear ones who make the decisions which impact your life and turn it upside down.

Rambling today...it is what it is

I'm here and no matter how much s**t I hav t deal wiv...I'm here, nothing else I can do, just get on wiv it.

No gambling today..no intention, no time and no desire to drift deeper in a hole I find myself in.

Best go for a run - fresh air is needed b4 13 hrs being locked up in a prison of my life...by choice...need to pay bills?!

S x

So agree with no maybe as you are such a kind hearted person with so much insight into others feelings.

The previous owners husband committed suicide on my houseboat and I often wonder how that could happen in such a beautiful setting but life is complex and I understand the reasons as he was very unwell. She has moved on with her life and remarried and moved abroad but there is such a calm feeling here that I am sure his spirit is at peace now he is no longer in pain. That said it must be very sad for your friend to cope with young children and you have such strength helping her and all of us the way you have been.

Thoughts are with you.

xxx

Hi Sis,

I wanted to drop by and thank you for your support and for checking in on me when I was busy trying to shut the world out. Like S.A and Duncs you were there to remind me that the back door would always be left open and a light on at night so that I might find my way back. ((((((S))))))))) -joanxxxx

Hey all,

Thank you sooo sooo much everyone (((((all))))

I will get bk t each and every one of you later tonight (work is calling lol)....but...my shining stars, let me leave u wiv this...shine ur light soldiers!!!! Xxxx

http://youtu.be/v8POYg0D-DQ

have a nice Saturday..stay safe

S 😉

Hey my friend, light can go out now and again, but it's all about how lquickly we change the bulb 😉 keep it up soldier xx

Dear diary,

"It’s possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems"

Welll, as Rach once commented on my diary, I best put a little confession in this little box. No, didn't slip, but feel like lied on here saying I will go for a run all last week. I only made it today. Saying this, cause running always been driving key for healthy mind and body in my recovery..

Probably not much sense, but whoever reads let me explain myself here lol..In recent week I analysed my moods and the way I deal with them. I even shared them with a person i trust, completely open mind about how i feel. It's unbelievable how much we can learn from ourselves. My bad habit 'gambling' and my favourite hobby 'running' relate to each other more than I thought...

All week I promised myself I will go for a run. I like it in general, I knew I need that release from stress, I had time and even weather was kind to me..but there was an invisible force dragging me down...completely swallowing me in sadness and self pitty. I gave in that force, got mad with myself and blah blah...u all know how low moods works...

Today I felt the same force trying to carry on and don't let me of it's grip..but I stood up and met it head on. I did housework, kept myself busy, no way I wanted to let dark thoughts to creep in. I found that invisible force again, but this time to DO things and keep positivity flowing..Trainers on - off I go...it's tough (been a week) but I soon found my strength to keep going...didn't think I was going to stop...

Now, what relation do I see between these two? I see the same force. Then we let dark thoughts to take over, we only giving the way to this force.Starting something harmful and not being able to stop it...it's there, in a back of our heads,we are aware that it's something what destroys us...we simply can't stop. Personally for me, it took five goes to accept reality and break the cycle last year. Start diary and start this good fight for the better future. I'm still here...it's working..I can do it and I'm doing it!!

The purpose of this ramble is...we all have that invisible force within us. We are stronger than we think and it only takes some time to dig that positivity up and just do it, find that strength and courage to make a change....it all comes down to MINDSET. It is my driving force for the better or worse. I am in control of it. And I'm choosing life and challenges ahead.

46 weeks in recovery and enjoying the ride.

We cannot win cause we can't stop and we cannot hide from ourselves.

Take care all

Will not gamble today

S x

Hi Sandra,

As you say we've all got that invisible drive within us, it is just a matter of channeling it in the right direction. Honesty with ourselves is just as important as being honest with others.

Hope getting out for a run works well for you...I know back when I was younger and in the shape where I could go for a run, it was quite addictive itself. A year spent obsessing about how quickly I could run 5 miles was much better than obsessing about how quickly I turned money into no money. Running is definitely an addiction I could take again.

Well done, keep on the right path my fellow soldier.

Ryan xx

Thank you xxxxx

http://youtu.be/UFh7J5onpMM

Day at a time

S x

Hmmmm....back again diary..we were talking about bus journey forward...

....just t raise a smile in this crazy recovery 🙂

http://youtu.be/Eg2jKCugvxk

sorry ...but if I won't laugh today....I will cry

S x

If our beautiful Sandra needs a laugh.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eyXZI-9lWQ

And thank YOU 'cause it made me laugh too.

Amazing how the Harlem Shake came and went...already over a year!

Let me try one of my own jokes on you...

I went to my doctor, and explained that sometimes I get seriously obsessed with Coke, and am completely convinced that it is the best drink. Other times, I just can't get Pepsi out of my head it tastes so good. He tells me not to worry, I'm probably just bi-cola.

Thank you Julie, Carla, Ryan :-))) most appreciated

Dear diary.

Three words this lovely morning: No gambling today!!

Take care all

Day at a time

S x

Thank you Julie, not much sun over here, but as saying goes "When sun goes down, stars comes out" ;-))

Dear diary,

cr**, s**t and all the rest going on....lol...life is full of unexpected surprises...but hey..there is always a way out..only a matter of time to finding it....

No matter where you are, what situation you are in. High or low. Far away from, or d**n close to whatever your heart desires... there is only ONE thing you can do......

Just keep moving.

That’s it.

Don’t settle. Don’t sit down. Don’t get distracted by the easy route.

Seek out the path less traveled. Enjoy the struggle. Fight to keep your fire burning.

And ..... just keep moving.

Will not gamble today

Moving on

S x

Hey Sandra,

Thanks for popping into my diary. Hope you have had a great weekend and are feeling good! I am looking forward to having a few days off over Easter, need some time out! Xxx