Going to keep this thread now!

Ohh god!! You're keeper Freda!!
Even if you hurt so much you do manage to turn it all around and good on ya girl, yep cupids can f**k off lol

Stop wasting time on him hun, start building that bridge for yourself and start living again! You're worth it, be kind to you

S x

I'm hurting so much.

Is there anyone you could talk to?
I'm here just in case girl..get it all out

S x

As tough as it feels you need to push through it girl. Yes, it's not right, yes it's something what shouldn't happen to you...but it's YES you deserve to live your life also..letting go is not easy but defo necessary in some cases. You matter girl, don't hurt yourself and look at it all straight. It will be tough road but just maybe it's the best road to take to start it all again. It's not your fault, things happens..such is life.
but everyone in life deserves peace and happiness whatever that is and you're not an exception hun..please take all this into consideration.
we can create the worst situations in our heads but we also can make some solutions in them too.

((((((Freda)))))) xxxx

Thank you, I feel much better today.

We have been for a walk in the park today, and I've been playing on my skateboard!

Hi Freda,

My mum had a saying will never forget it, you have got to wash that man right out of your hair, was a teenager at the time, but having gone through 2 painful marriages my self, I now understand exactly what she meant, because I did get them out of my hair, as time does heal believe me with men, this gambling thing is worse because it will never be out of our hair, but to be able to control those horrible feelings will set you free to a new unknown life that can be sooo,exciting the unknown, reach out now, garbage has already been taken by bin men, go for what's out there, you can do this.

((((((((Freda)))))))

Suzanne xxxxxx

Hi Freda,

So good to see you feeling better with yourself today. Was worried about ya yesterday, but deep down knew you will push through it.
I do see many similarities in us...that depression, anxiety, feeling stuck in that wheel without a way out to feel at least a little better with ourselves.
Outside obstacles constantly blocking our way and when it feels we started to get somewhere, something happens to bring us back to the same place we have started.
Yes, running away is one of my vices. Need of freedom but at the same time belonging to this earth is something i still try to reach for.
Yes, we need to keep trying girl..never stop trying. Demo is becoming my escape again and i see myself changing, i locked myself in the room again. I know it won't take long before outside world will start noticing me bein outta character. The need of self destruction and just a sense of just for today i will stuff it all and do my thing....lol..charming..
Now this escape is not the best one and i might walk on hot ashes, but, you're right when say that when it gets a little too much, control getting out of hand...

We gotta keep moving on...plenty of setbacks around but who are we to f****n give up?

High five hun...keep holding on

Sandra xxx

Today is day 9, and I will not gamble!

Have a hangover today. Got drunk and tried to seduce him - needed to try and feel I still have some control over him. He responded physically, but did not cave in at all. I wanted to be able to make him. Stupid really. Will stop doing that!

I feel really angry today. Really fooooking p*s sed off. It's even irritating me that we can't even swear on our own diaries properly. What's that all about, like? Shouldn't you be able to say whatever you want in your own diary?

I'm sick. Sick of getting way less than I deserve. Sick of f*****g bell ends getting all the promotions at work, then having to suffer their egotistical booosheet day in and day out. Seriously why do narcissists always get the best jobs? they are totally c r ap usually, but they just exude an air of superiority and authority that gets them where they want to be. I am sick of not being appreciated at work, not being valued, not being paid a decent f*****g wage. I'm sick of being rejected and ignored by my husband, instead of valued and nurtured. I'm just sick!!!!!

I demand better! on every front!!! I no longer accept the pish poor things that have come to me that I've settled for. I am focusing on the self-employment side of things now, instead of wasting my energies jumping through hoops for some employer who refuses to recognise my worth. I instead put all of that energy into me. A much better allocation of resources. I no longer take what I can get on the romance front. I will get a loving and dedicated partner, who values me or I will remain single.

This whole world is seriously mixed up - bullies and narcissists get all the rewards, and genuine wonderful people get minimum wage. Their only crime - that they aren't full of them selves. That they see things as the truly are - they are no better than anyone else - as opposed to the deluded view that they are always right and have a much more relevant opinion than anyone else.

People's egos just infuriate me. Isn't it funny that you would never get away with saying out loud "you imbecile! why can't you be more like me and do everything competently. I am so much better than you!" but you can get away with behaving that way with snooty, stuck up patronising behaviour. f**k them all! What a way to get on in life, by belittling other people, and treating them like they are r******d. What a pathetic, low snivelling, bullying, b******d thing to do.

I enjoyed that rant!

Hooray and hugs to you Freda.

Brilliant rant and so with you on this one - have worked in my job over twenty years and had an e mail this week from a new manager that fits your description to a T telling me what wording to use on my work ansaphone message - what a patronising f**k.

I am thinking that was really cathartic for you as well, I get verbal constipation at times and the words get locked inside so know how good it feels when they just flow.

We used to have our own business and a great feeling with no one telling you what to do, go for it but stay safe as it may mean more direct access to cash.'Power to the people' as Wolfey would say although you are probably not old enough to remember.

xxx

xxx

Hi Freda... it is unfortunately the world we live in. We need to "sell ourselves" to get what we want. I am pretty useless at it if am honest, but as you say, it is often the case that unsuitable people get into positions of power and responsibility because they shout the loudest and are good at rubbishing potential threats.

For me I don;t particularly want to be in a position of power and responsibility, cos it just doesn't suit my personality. I gain my job satisfaction (or not as the case maybe) through the day to day interactions I have with the people I work with. I like to think that I am appreciated and noticed and when on occasions someone further up the pecking order acknowledges what i do and says thanks I feel good.

But as i get older i realise that I don't desparately need the appreciation of others. I know in myself whether I am doing a good job or not. I am learning to praise myself. Sometimes it is not easy to do. I think I am appreciated in my current job because I keep getting asked back... but I don't know.. but I think I probably am.

Glad you enjoyed your rant. I enjoyed reading it.

Warm regards... S.A 🙂

Hi Freda,

I loved that rant! Keep getting all the poison out girl..don't keep it in cause it's not healthy.

Hope you're staying safe and more calmer these days..ya know we are here if you need us! Keep posting

Sandra x

Hi Freda,

How are things with you? Please let us know if you need any help or support.
Hope all is well in your world and the whole situation is not stressing you out too much.

You matter, keep being kind to yourself.

Hugs

Sandra xx

Hi there Freda,

Spooky or not, you kept crossing my mind last couple of days. Just wanted to check in on you and if you still about the forum reading now and again, would be great to hear how things are going your end.

i can hope and wish only the best for you, really believe that peace is coming bk to your life and you are being kind to yourself...but my wishes is not everything lol.....need to see that on black and white from your inspiring self 🙂

Stay safe, keep moving on....keep believing

Sandra x

Thanks Sandra,

I really, really, hurt. I've got nothing left to give anyone. I just need love. I just found some love poetry that he wrote to his mistress. It hurts so much I don't understand how I haven't died yet. Bleak post, but just how I am feeling.

Thank you for thinking of me and caring.