Going to keep this thread now!

This is true, SA. We cannot avoid gambling establishments, we have to learn to live in proximity with them. The viewing got cancelled, as the man got taken seriously ill and had to be taken to hospital. I was told this on the phone, rather than experiencing it first hand. It was just as well, as I accidentally took a double dose of my anti depressant this morning, and have been shaky, anxious and nauseous all day. It was good to not have to go outside and be a person today.

I got R to block the lo tto site as well on my laptop. I had let it be the one website exception in my gambling blocker, as I told myself it was harmless, but I know it was me leaving a door ajar. It's closed now, and I feel better for it.

Hi freda

Yes its nice not to have to go outside and be a person. The sanctuary and security of ones home.

Well done for blocking the lo tto sites. The door to gambling is now closed.

Thanks for your support.

Take care... S.A 🙂

Hey Freda,

So good to hear from you! ☺.You are spot on and i was not long ago told about that "mess in the world". You are right, sensitive souls like us truly feels the effect of it and apparently it will go on for a little while..But the sun will shine ☺..no doubt about it!
Hmmm...OAU is shortened for "Onwards and Upwards" by mr Ginge from the diaries..HD is "Happy days" created by Suzanne (i wished) so here we go..your secret codes came to light lol.

I do hope you will keep finding the balance Hun, life is s*** lol but it could be a lot worse...plus a hand of fate has a lot to do with it.

The way we react to certain situations is the key...definitely biggest challenge to read that book - ourselves..but in time we can put some pieces together and just maybe change our behaviour a little.

Anyway, rambling..one of those phases lol..ya watch..i will be crying in 5 min and laughing my head off in the further 10 min :-D..was on You tube also but am obsessed with watching lion attacks :-/ say no more...phase lol

Stay safe...as SA says - life goes on

Sandra.x

Felt a lot of fear today. Just one of those days when my situation feels impossible, and the world seems a dark and scary place. Viewed a flat this evening, and it was really grotty. Was disappointing, but I know I am unrealistic in my expectations. I was hoping I'd only have to view a couple before finding the perfect pad, on a tiny budget....hmmm.

R went with me for moral support, which is a bit f****d up I suppose. He was a s**t husband, but he's an awesome best mate.

We went for a walk in the woods afterward, to recharge in nature and be in therapeutic surroundings. There was a man who had gotten so drunk he'd fallen down the bank and into the burn. He was in a right state, and people were trying - and failing - to get him back up the bank. Overheard him tell the paramedic he was 42. He's only young really. Sad to be getting yourself into those sorts of states. I feel his pain though. It's a jungle. But for the grace of God go I... So the walk wasn't all that cheerful either, in the end.

Feeling a bit better a few hours later, but man, it's hard these days. Going for a massage tomorrow afternoon, with a birthday voucher. Looking forward to some relaxation.

Hi freda, thanks for your very kind post.x

No I am not that Blondieee lol, I do remember her coming and going since I have been here lol, she has not been on for quite a while now, I do hope she is ok and continues with recovery.

Blondieee is a nick name that some of my good gamcare friends call me ( guess it started with me saying Dippy blonde am I lol)

I always follow your posts, you have gone through a very turbulent time, and now with moving, it's just more stress, but you will find somewhere that you will love and call your new home, and with being in a different environment, you will find happiness.

We all deserve some happiness, we are CGs we are doing our best, to change our lives, and you are slowly but surely doing that.

Keep plodding on and pushing through, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, (it's just getting through that dark tunnel.lol)

Take care and think of you, because you are sooo worth it.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Freda,

I just wanted to send u a hug and say I am thinking of u xx

Take care xx

Thanks Charl x x

I haven't felt like posting much lately, but I am still being a good girl and haven't gambled in 2 weeks now.

I found an alright flat. It's not the best, but for what I can afford I've done well, I think. Waiting for the references and all that bumf to get sorted, then should be in in a couple of weeks. Frucking terrified, but you've just got to fall into it, haven't you?

Hi Freda... well done on your 2 weeks!

I am often terrified of any sort of change. Like you say, just fall into it

Good to hear from you... S.A 🙂

Good news about finding a flat, it will seem frightening now, but once you have settled in, you will feel a lot better,

Well done on 2 weeks, because moving is so very stressful.

Take care

Suzanne xxx

Thank you x x

I'm just lurching about trying to imitate a person who is functioning. I'm so worn down, tired, stressed, and afraid. I have been through most of it now, thank god.

I've been really anxious today, feeling overwhelmed, but got some exercise and sorted out a problem I'd been putting off, so a miraculous day, considering.

So lucky to have a long holiday from work over the summer, as there's just no way I'd be able to cope.

19 days since I last gambled.

Hi Freda,

Thank you for your post and warm hugs..hugely accepted..i am not really "huggy" person but yes..i appreciate them this time..it brought me more security so thank you.
Sorry for the confusion of my last post, i did try to explain a little..but i guess you understand anyway..i feel you do.

Good to see you balanced out..holiday is always good for body and soul..it brings energy back 🙂 ...keep moving on, keep being kind to yourself. You live once..and only you can make it better place to be. Believe in ur inner self, you got it in there ☺

Take care an hugs back (((f)))

Sandra x

Hi Freda,

Thank you for your lovely post and support. Yes, you are right...we shouldn't edit/delete our feelings and even if i did so myself it was more less from frustration and anger towards myself...sadly i get those moments.

As we both know every CG has an underlying root cause for the addiction. Well, at least i see it this way. Stopping gambling is only first step in recovery. Hard job starts when those pandora's boxes start unlocking themselves and the further you dig, the scarier it gets to look. But hey, as you say, we are all the same here...dealing with one thing or another..trying...searching..making sense of things/emotions/situations/life. I guess it is very slow progress, but PROGRESS it is!☺

So glad you're finding your feet again. Time definitely heals...not completely and sometimes stuff can come bk hounting us, but we are better and stronger than before right...yes we are! And we will never give up bloody fight to find ourselves where we got lost.

Recovery is possible..life is possible..peace & harmony is indeed possible ☺

Have a good day and keep marching on..one day at a time

Sandra x

Thanks Sandra x x

It hurts today. Today my insides feel battered and bruised. I'm tearful, I feel fragile, but I have made progress. I have arranged to sign my tenancy agreement, my housing benefit form is complete and ready to send, it all feels scary and like a big nightmare, BUT once it is done, once I have those keys, it will feel a lot better. Because then, I will have no more deadlines, no more pressure. I can take the next steps at my own pace. I can sleep there only one night a week at first, if this is what it takes. I will be back in control. As long as the rent and bills are paid, no one will be waiting on me, expecting anything from me. I have done the hard part and taken the leap. The rest will sort itself out when it does.

I'm scared now, but I can appreciate that in a couple of weeks, things will look and feel very different.

The reason I feel so scared, is because I am aware of the crippling nature of my anxiety and depression at the moment. I find it hard to socialise, and some days, even function. I would not wish on my worst enemy the experience of moving to a new place alone, because of divorce, whilst experiencing a bout of depression. It is bringing me to my knees.