Going to keep this thread now!

Hiya... sounds like your working through your anxiety about the move and doing what needs to be done but at your own pace

When we are on our knees we steady ourselves and then stand up again. A new chapter of your life is opening up.

Take care and thanks for your wisdom on my diary... S.A 🙂

Met a couple of "friends" for coffee today, and went away feeling worse. This is why I retreat into my shell when I'm down on my knees.

As a species we are becoming increasingly narcissistic. People tell me it's important to be around people, as it will cheer me up. So I try it, under the guise of them "being there for me" but it's all a trick and I'm sick of it. They mean well, and as far as they are concerned, they are being there for me, but my idea of this looks a lot different to me. To me, being there for someone means listening to them, relating to them, pointing out the positives where you can, reminding them of their strengths, encouraging them that they can cope with this, and it's normal to feel that way, telling them stories of funny things that have happened to uplift them.

What I seem to get is 1-2 hours of every mean thing anyone has done to them since we last spoke, every worry that is on their mind, everything they are p8ssed off about, all of the bad luck they have had - interspersed with getting a brief word in edgeways to say I'm really struggling to cope, but people's encouragement helps, as does being uplifted with humour - they might look at me and nod for a few seconds going "awww" or "yeah" then launch off into another long rant about themselves and what is happening to them.

They then say something like "it's good that you came. It's important to be around people" and go off feeling lighter (because they've done nothing but offload) and giving themselves a self-congratulatory pat on the back. I go off feeling worse, and drained dry, wondering why on earth it's supposed to be good for me.

Not everyone is like this. I'm very lucky to have a couple of friends who do really listen. I'm so grateful to them for actually doing what they say they will, instead of luring me into their company under false pretenses, that I well up and cry thinking about what a nice, but rare experience it is.

Hey Freda,

I hear ya girl! Keep talking.
Friends huh, the more you have the more mess it creates lol. I am so so glad you have close friends you can lean on! It's so true, that the friends you can count on ir fingers are the most important and trusty ones.
I only have few friends and am no kidding. One friend i live with and known her for a long while where i can be myself with and know i am accepted the way i am and couple of others from this site! Yes my dear, i found friends here. Only ODAAT and Shiny i can truly count as real life friends and not only "cyber" ones. Those are my Guardian Angels where i can meet, talk, laugh and even cry in front of. I have many more friends from here and to name a few, Rachel is really important as well as Duncs which i met not long ago and i sometimes wonder, how you can understand each other from walking similar paths in the world. Life without friends is really sad and lonely place. And as i read somewhere, the ones who care and matters never leaves your side. So so true, only few can still be here when you strip yourself down to good bad and the ugly.

Hope you feel better soon..gain that energy back and choose your friends wisely, the ones who drains you, are not truly there for you as you realised yourself. You need to look after yourself, and that's my friend is a priority.

All will be ok ☺
Hugs
Sandra x

Friends eh... a good thing but sometimes a pain in the a**e! lol

I once went for the best part of 6 months without really speaking to anybody bar cursory chats with till operators. By the end of that sorry chapter I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I was crying out for any sort of conversation even if it was a one sided affair with me listening to another have a moan about their lives.

Like many things in life, I think friendship is like a balancing act between giving and receiving. My pet hate is when a friend puts demands on me to do this or to do that and when i may say "i don't feel like it" or "I don't want to"... its followed up with a bunch of WHY questions and "you need to get out more.." bla bla. It maybe well meaning (and often is) but inside it just gets me feeling angry.... Please allow me to be myself, even if it is a miserable anti-social b*****d lol

Cheers for now... S.A 🙂

Thanks guys x x

Had a great time catching up with a friend on Tuesday. It reminded me of what I needed to remember - there is nothing wrong with me. I CAN socialise. Over the years I've become so weary of one-sided friendships that my body and mind just goes to pieces when I find myself in that situation, but when I am having a proper two-way exchange of friendship I feel absolutely fine.

It was desperately needed.

I'm feeling much calmer in general, being fairly disciplined with my meditation practice. Low in energy, this is still all taking a lot out of me, but I'm plodding on.

No gambling since my last post. I think it is 28 days.

Hi Freda, and thanks for your post last week 🙂

Pleased to read you are feeling calmer and plodding along nicely lol.

Friends eh, I have one best friend who now lives in Turkey, so I don't get to see her too much, we correspond on FB, but it's not the same, lol, hope to be seeing her in September when she comes back.

It is good to socialise, and every time I meet friends from my ex job, I think I must do this more often, because I enjoyed myself, but if I do it too often I don't enjoy it as much, (if that makes sense)

I understand what you are saying about one way friendships, I have had quite a few of them in my time lol,

Keep plodding on and keep taking care of you.

Suzanne xxx

Good stuff Freda, glad you had a great time with your friend and well done on your gamble free time!

Thanks for your support... S.A 🙂

Hey Freda,

Thanks for dropping by ☺
Yes,feeling the feeling is the best practice in getting rid of some skeletons...i might re live my life in dreamland (and sum crazy stuff on top) but just maybe it's a letting it go process...and that's always for the better.

Good to see you in positive mindset too..little steps forward, foot in front of another.

Keep looking after yourself

S x

I am so stressed with moving, but just a quick post to say I have remained abstinent from gambling.

Feel like crying most of the time, but it's just nervous exhaustion from sorting things out etc.

Hi Freda,

Keep pushing forwards girl. Every change in our lives requires strength,motivation and focus. Something "new" is not as comfortable to start with, but as everything in life, we adapt to things and learn to live in new surroundings as time passes by ☺
You will be fine, keep being kind to YOU

Sandra x

I think I am on day 43 now. Feeling gradually better about the new flat.

You know what it reminded me of at first? I haven't had any children, but I'm familiar with how post natal depression sometimes manifests. When the mother is so traumatised by a difficult labour, that she refuses to hold her baby or bond with it. It was like that!!!

It's looking quite homely now. I'm getting there!

Hi Freda... and great stuff on your gambling free time... well done! 🙂

Now when youve finished settling into your new flat, you can come and sort mine out. Ive only been here a hundred years!!

Thanks for your support it really does help alot.

Warm regards.. S.A 🙂

Freda,

I feel really chuffed for you, your new home is starting to feel homely, changes can be very stressful and frightening, (because of the unknown ahead) but you have moved now and not escaped to gambling, while in the stressful process, well done you.

You have done the hard bit now of moving home and moving on,,

Don't know you girl, but very proud to be on this journey of a lifetime with you :))))

Suzanne xxx

Hi Freda,

Thank you for your lovely post. Please never EVER apologise for not supporting me "on time" that doesn't matter! I know you are here as freaky as it sounds and I'm very thankful for your thoughts.

Life is not easy but is POSSIBLE! foot in front of another..even if only an inch forward!

Be proud..just for today ☺

((((((f)))))

S x

Thanks, you lot 🙂

I can't be bothered to post much about myself at the moment. I'm experiencing an episode of depression where I feel like I'm underwater. It's s**t. It's hard to function.

I haven't gambled!