Going to keep this thread now!

So much flirting with the boss and I'm not even at work today, hahaha! 

He needed to message me about something. Obviously. Hehe! Maybe flirting can be my new addiction.

I have been in the North Sea today. Bobbing about in my little wetsuit with my buddy.

Blimey, bit nippy in the north sea!!

You flirty flirt 😉

Flirting keeps me clean! 

I was really cosy in the sea. I've got a wetsuit but only a shortie. But it's nice n warm!

isn't it hard to unpick what is healthy from what is not? 

Is it healthy to be attracted to warm and kind people? probably not. What about someone flirting and making you feel special? I just wonder if this is all coming from a very childlike pattern of wanting to charm the authority figure. To gain safety. To be teacher's pet. I don't know. 

I thought someone else liked me and pulled at that thread the other night. Think I was wrong. People can be so confusing!

I am struggling, emotionally, today. I get really bad body shame sometimes when I'm hormonal and don't want anyone to look at me. Just want to hide. I hope I can hide at work, this weekend. I was being put up at the front a lot as a hostess/greeter person and I usually don't mind but it's hard when I feel like this.

I won't be able to flirt with my boss because I'll feel disgusting and won't want him to look at me. I'm going to do some trauma releasing exercises tonight, as I've needed to do it for a while but been too tired. They are really good for me and improve my thoughts. You stimulate your muscles in a way that makes you tremor and shake and it helps release held tension and trauma. 

I've not felt like socialising today but have at least done lots of constructive things, mowed the lawns, washed up and hoovered the house, so I feel more on top of things at least.

hiya, hope your feeling different today and how you might want to feel, if that makes sense.

I relate to whole body shame thing. I really don't like it when i put on a few pounds. For us men it goes straight to the tummy. I find myself breathing in all the time, getting all self-concious. I woosh I could be one of these men who just couldn't give a d**n and let it all hang out 🙂

Anyway enjoy your sunday. I think ive been invited for a free roast. I hope it happens am ungry 

Cheers.. S.A 🙂

Hi Freda,

Hope you're feeling better! Ummm, i never liked my body to be fair. Too "fat" or too skinny, i just never got it right. I guess we need to accept ourselves for who we are ?

..and we are unique in our own way! Not perfect but still  lovely US!.

I only had my nails done once in my life. ..not kidding at all. I was never the one to look after myself in that "beauty way". I guess i always have been a bit of a tomboy. 

Few days ago i stepped in beauty salon....lol...i love my new nails ? ..its hilarious when you struggle to grip stuff or even open a can of food for Bella..ha! 

Whatever we do, if do stuff for OURSELVES that matters the most. I guess, again, thats where self care comes from. We dont do this for others! So...forget that boss youre flirting with, he will still see you the way he saw you first day...and he wouldn't flirt with you if he didnt fancy you i guess.

Love ypurself for who you are...and very simply put - YOU ARE ENOUGH. Never forget that.

Blessings and be good! ?

S&B xx

Awww, thanks, guys. I'm just bigger than I'm used to being. Almost size 16 and used to being 12-14 so I feel big. One of the managers took a photo of me to put on our internet work forum thingy and I look huge. 

My lovely boss hasn't been in this weekend, so I didn't have to feel vulnerable with him but I was a greeter all weekend and couldn't hide at all. I dealt with it well, to be fair.

The "girls" at work asked if I wanted to come to a hot tub party they are having. It is nice to be included but I feel anxious about it and don't really want to go. I said I would but I'm so shy.

I went on the tannoy a few times and I really liked it, haha! It's quite fun talking to a huge supermarket full of people.

I feel so lonely. I've decided to ask if I can reduce my contracted hours. It will also be an excuse to talk about how the long shifts at the weekend mean I'm too tired to go out on dates, so it's stopping me from meeting anyone. Won't hurt to remind him I'm single, hehe.

Whoop whoop - Hot tub party! I did exactly the same thing the whole year ago with my student girlies! It was a lot of fun after all even if i was extremely ashamed of my body! ..get few bubblies in with you in the tub (glass of sparkling..lol..hope you got the right idea!!) and go for it and enjoy!

People goes to stuff like that to relax and unwind so do enjoy it! I can assure you, you wont regret it. 

P.s...you never know what insecurities other people holds.

As of different work hours...i wish my job bosses would be this flexible ?..maybe need to introduce few winks and smiles myself lol

Xx

Thanks, S - you're right, I need to trust more people and get out a bit more.

I have had no contact with my boss for almost a week, as he has been having some time off. I miss him, hehe. I'm going to ask if I can reduce my hours, on Saturday, as it's not a good environment anymore. 12 hours isn't really much to live off but with my other small salary, I'll be OK for now. I've learned it's got very little to do with money, has happiness. I'm much more likely to increase my earning potential if I'm happier, plus I have enough savings to pay the mortgage for a year and still deal with something big like the boiler going caput. My wellbeing is priority and I'm overpaid on my mortgage by a year, also. I would not have these options if I were still fully in action. I think my recent binges have lost me around £700 in total but I'm protected again now and motivated to stay away.

Feeling grotty and low today but have just started bleeding, so will hopefully feel better in a couple of days.

People keep tagging everyone else but me in the hot tub thing, on Facebook. I know these things are usually just accidental but it makes me feel paranoid. This is why I don't like socialising with groups of women. It can get very cliquey. 

I just find it hard to brush these things off. Feel very sensitive at the moment. Hormones are all over the place as well, which doesn't help. I don't even really want to go and already it's making me feel worse.

Hiya... I hear you. I think being in groups is hard at the best of times. Everyone trying to out do each other, everyone trying to be heard, everyone looking to find there place and feel a part of something and feel validated. Usually I end up going quiet. Staff meetings I find a nightmare, people talking over each other, nobody listens, I go quiet usually but struggle emotionally. Groups of teenagers on the bus... nightmare... but as individuals on they are probably good people. As for groups of women I don't mind them at all as long as i am the only bloke and getting lots of attention :-).... I work with mostly women and its fine for me but i can appreciate what its like to a woman in a group of women.... cliquey as you say.

I guess you could just say... sod it.. and go anyway.. see what happens. You might enjoy it.

Anyway enjoy your day.. S.A 🙂

Thanks, SA

Yeah, I've gotten over it quickly enough. I'm just sensitive. 

Feel really angry today. Just stressed. Been hectic at work, I hate it there now. They have us run ragged and would shove brooms up our bums as well, if they could. 

I just posted but it didn't save 🙁 

I haven't gambled but I feel really grotesque and ashamed of my body today. I feel irritable and easily overwhelmed. I found work very stressful yesterday and felt like I hated my job.

A man I like asked if I want to go to a thing, tonight. I would definitely go if I felt OK about myself but I feel ashamed and like I want to hide and have no-one look at me. He's 11 years younger, as well, which isn't necessarily ideal. It's mostly just because I want to hide, though.

Well, I didn't go out tonight but I did go to the gym and was pleased to find I was able to do more than yesterday! Proud of myself for going, even though I felt fat and ugly.

Looking forward to some food now, oven chips and beans.