Going to keep this thread now!

Thanks wp, thanks Dave - what a lovely thing to say!

Well, its been a week and although Im not missing gambling that much I am missing the buzz. I swam 1100 metres yesterday though, which was pretty cool and gave me a bit of a buzz. Im not gonna lie though, its just not the same.

However, if I can just keep these barriers in place to get me there, I seem to remember that after about 6 weeks my brain starts to learn to live without this buzz. At the moment, my brain is still trying to create it for itself by giving me gambling dreams. Strangest thing is, I always seem to win strange amounts in my dreams - like £613.28 which isnt even possible on a fruitie! lol.

Oh well, onward I must!

Ps - thanks seano and stumper too!

Your right freda let's kick some a s s !!! Starting by being your 889 th post as treble 8 reminds me of a greedy betting chain. 🙂 we can do this. 😉

Hi Freda...

.. thanks for your support as always.

By the way if you did 1100 metres and its a 25 metre pool .. then thats 44 lengths.. you must be quite fit especially if your not stopping to rabbit every few lengths with fellow dolphin types lol

O and card with hubby and allowance sounds just the answer. Take care.. S.A 🙂

Well done on the long swim Freda,that will do you a power of good,i used to have dreams about gambling a lot when i was gambling and they continued for a while when i first quit,they did pass though as time went on,i guess at the minute your system is still missing the dopamine it came to rely on (the Buzz) that will also pass soon as you know :).Glad the new money management system is working,keep up the good work.

Seano.

thanks SA and seano,

popped into chat last night for the first time in ages. Was nice.

Am really worried about being lonely during these 6 weeks off. Very glad hubby has my bank card. However, moaning doesn't solve anything so Im gonna see if I can sort out some voluntary work today.

Im also going to treat myself to the new Dan Brown book as its finally come out in paperback!

Thanks for the support freda....I'm passed the days of stressing out over it so I take everything in my stride now.....keeping busy is your key over the 6 weeks though....swimming/reading 2 good starts. 🙂

Thanks wp,

I am only on the first day of my holidays and already im bored and feeling low. I have real difficulty in putting myself out there, and trusting that I am not a pest. This isnt helped by my best mate taking a day and a half on average, to reply to my texts. I know she has 2 young children and is very busy, but I do feel unwanted. If someone is important to you, you can take 20 seconds to tap out a quick 'had a crazy day, but speak soon' you know?

Anyway, I know this is not a reflection on me, but on her. It makes me feel less confident in approaching new people though. If a good friend doesnt have time to reply to me, it makes me feel very unimportant. Why would anyone want to spend time with me?

I need some new, slightly more sensitive friends I think, with better manners, lol! Dont get me wrong, this is not just one occasion, its been going on for some time now and Im not feeling good about myself as a result.

Anyway, I feel very bored and lonely, but am off to get some company at a support place I go to. I wont gamble today, because if I did I would not stop!

Hiya Freda,

Glad your here and you sound as if you are working your recovery well... little by little freda... thats all it takes... and you are doing just that 😉

The texting thing & stuff... try not to take everything so personally. Its just life my friend.

People get busy, stuff happens... and I understand when you are desperately waiting on 'the other end', for that answer that doesn't come(as quick as you would like) it could feel like a personal shun... but it isnt... Its just life.

If you really get fed up of waiting... take control of the situation and try texting again or phone... Is your friend even aware of how you feel?

Tell her, then she has the option of that alternative 'quick' text rather than leaving you wondering.

As for your 6 weeks off... how about treating it like recovery... break the time down into more manageable pieces Freda... You know you can do one day, or one morning... give it a try.

I see you have been swimming wonderful, its something I really miss. Live right near the sea and indoor pools as well... it looked so inviting the other evening when we were out walking the dogs. It would also help with my mobility if I swam but I just cant get past the physical bit. Put on so much weight since I stopped working and I also have Psoriasis all over 🙁 The patches turn bright red when in water which makes me very attractive... the whispers & looks on peoples faces is too much and I think they presume(falsely) they will catch it!!!.... sorry waffling again Freda... but thats why I don't go swimming anymore! lol

Jim says I should just go and sod everyone else, but I cant bring myself to.

You see Freda, we all have issues of some sort 😉 (I have more... but Im a good actress!)

Anyway back to you and your boredom! lol

Do you like animals? Rescue centres and the like are always desperate for help, dog walking, companionship etc. There use to be a member here at gamcare who travelled quite some distance to be able to help walk retired/rescued greyhounds on his days off from the Fire Service.

Or have you ever thought of trying to learn a new language... or improve one. A lot of on-line courses etc.

A book that many here have enjoyed is 'Feel the Fear and do it anyway'... cant remember the author, I'm sure goggle will help out there.

How about using the time to explore your meditation further... this would be an ideal time not to have the distractions etc. to deal with. I remember reading in your diary that you enjoy the sessions you have with the monk. I'm laughing to myself here, as I wrote... the last part sounds like an 'alternative' website! lol (sorry, just my warped sense of humour)

Anyway... will leave you too it... for now.

Jackie

Hi Freda,

I read about your friend not returning your texts for ages...your friend isn't my daughter is she Freda? my daughter does the same to me and it does my head in....so I know how you feel. I continue to text....not as often because it's like talking to myself lol. Try not to take it personally f....try to detach yourself from it.....

I see Jac has offered a a good list of suggestions as to how to fill time...I will add a couple if I may? You thought about doing any voluntary work for age concern? You can befriend and visit...they are crying out for helpers.....or.....get yourself on one of your short courses...I will never forget the baloon modelling one you did.

Don't return to gambling f....we are better than that. ....let's stick together :-))

Your friend...Jas x

Thanks Jac and Jas,

I do love doggies and am desperate for one, but sensible old stick in the mud R says we should wait! lol. So dog walking could be just the ticket (and stop me sitting on my a r s e all day!)

I take your point Jac about life just getting busy for people sometimes, believe me I am the understanding friend who often says 'just ring me when you can' and often go weeks without any contact, and dont get annoyed. But it really P****s me off that people think just because they are busy, its ok to treat people like poo. Its never ok. No one should be so busy that they dont have time to reply to a text message from a close friend once a week! its really not asking much.

Anyway rant over!

Today I didn't gamble.

Today I didn't gamble. Had a nice day, played the family fortunes board game at the support centre and it was a good laugh. They even had a little remote that did the 'uh-er' noise when you get one wrong.

Did a workout which is making me feel much less slovenly! always boosts my mood and my energy levels.

Feeling ok today.

Hi Freda, my girl.

I used to worry a lot about other people and why they wouldn't contact me. Was it something I had done to upset them???

Maybe..when I was gamblng, maybe they were waiting at the end of the phone for a text from me which never came? I dunno. They never said.

I treat life much simpler these days. People are too busy these days and they dont mean to be horrible. I think I notice more now because I have more time on my hands because I no longer gamble.

I remember when I was working full time and gambling, my phone was constantly off. Texts from family and friends woudln't be answered for weeks or not at all. I'd promise to visit someone and then when I thought of it 3 or 4 months had passed. I still do that sometimes now, because I am trying to fill my time with so much stuff to stop me from going back to gambling.

So...every now and then I sit down and make a list and do what's on it one by one, including visiting so-and-so, calling him or her.

Recovery for me is a constant learning and dealing with all the stuff I had neglected for such a long time. If I feel that people are neglecting me...I now think..well...I don't know what demons they are fighting, they may have some real tough stuff to deal with and the last thing on their mind right now is having a chat with me.

Just concentrate on the really important stuff, like being at one with those that are really important. Everything else will eventually fall into place. Life has a knack to do that. What will be will be!

Sending love and hugs.

God Bless

Sabine x

Freda,thanks for your support though I tend to disagree that my diary is a good read lol....as for your friend and unanswered calls texts etc....I've had that for years of a certain female acquaintance but as time goes on pretty much used to it even though its frustrating at times....hope you've had another succesful bet free day and making the most of your free time....best wishes we can do this 🙂

Hi Freda

Thanks for your post on my diary and for all your kindness you have shown me... There's nothing you can do for me, but thanks, realy sweet of you!

You know me as well as anyone on here and yep it hurts like hell but hey if i never gambled for all those years then maybe things would have been different. I did however virtually beg for forgiveness but as my dad would say a leopard cant change its spots, the old cliche hey!!

He, however is wrong cos i am trying my best and im still gamble free. Guess my past will always be there and maybe it will always haunt me. Maybe thats the way it should be.

I hope you are well Freda and battling away the best you can. Kinda wished old DT was still here, sad arent i???

Anyway boys in garden and soon be time to cook dinner for them. Have done the tears for today so hoping no more til tomorrow. It's all such a sad mess!!

Take care Freda, you little sweety...ands xx