Going to keep this thread now!

ands,

the tears will come when they come. Let yourself grieve, your boys will understand.

Well, not much to report. Still bet-free! Being thoroughly slovenly and lazy, but Im just gonna enjoy it for a week or so rather than get on at myself to stop lazing around!

The not having my debit card is working out well, and I am actually enjoying having this limitation in place. Its weird, but I always felt it was more painful somehow to start gambling and then be forced to stop when I was just getting started (through lack of cash) than to just not bother at all. I never seemed to enjoy gambling just a couple of quid then having to walk away. Feels awful. The small amount of cash I carry now, I know would never give me any satisfaction in an arcade, so I just don't bother.

Anyway, the washing up is calling and I have ignored it long enough 😉

Having a lazy week can be good for us at times Freda :).....must say i'm pleased that you are finding it ok not having your debit card,it's something i have done since day 1 of recovery (as you know), and i'm sure you will agree that such a simple block relieves us of many thoughts about having a gamble,i personally think it is a fundamental thing that every CG should do.

Seano.

thanks for your support freda...nothing wrong wi being lazy,after all your on your hols...no debit cards = no gambling 🙂 simples !!! we can do this 😉

Thanks for posting on my diary Freda, and for saving me the embarrassment of a page 3 appearance 😉

I am very grateful for the support you provide to me and many others on these diaries. You are a star!

All the best in your recovery, and thank you 🙂

Hi Freda,

Thanks for posting on my diary yesterday, and your support.

If I'd put in the effort to read all the countless Buddhist articles I downloaded last year, maybe I would never have got caught out by gambling trying to turn my pennies into pounds. I'm like a rabbit that always see the other side of the fence as greener, I move, and within a few moments of arriving, I then see the other side as greener. That's my life though; As long I keep seeing some green I think I'll be ok even if I keep having to run. When I don't see any green, things get a bit too dark and think everyone else is a wolf that's out to get me, and either freeze or lash out.

Yesterday you wrote you don't have enough cash to give you satisfaction in an arcade; I felt exactly the same as my cash dried up. My bets were slowly getting smaller and smaller, till it was a waste of time placing them. Even on the rare occasions I won it wasn't enough to give me a high.

I hope I never again get to that point when I want to do anything to get that high, cos I now know its always followed by real bad lows, and I hope you are also happy with something reasonable as well.

You mentioned the flow of adrenaline - you're right its still flowing; I wanted to wake my wife up in the middle of last night. I hadn't that kind of feeling for her for many months now; I thought best not to wake her, as just a few days ago I was ready to abandon her, and she would probably hit me with the clock.

Take care and have a great weekend Freda

Himmat

Hey Freda.. thanks for your support as always 🙂

Your posts always get me smiling.. are you still being a naughty pixie??

Looks to me like the not having the debit card thing is really working out for you.. marvelous!

Hope your enjoying your weekend and getting some lengths in down the pool. Cheers.. S.A 🙂

Thanks for all of your input guys 🙂

Still haven't bet. We have been having a right old retro weekend! Ping pong yesterday at the leishy, and monopoly today!

I am still loving not having access to my debit card. I had it briefly for an hour this morning, as hubby wasn't feeling well and needed some cash out. I was very glad to hand it back though.

I dont think I normally have much left in the bank, this long after payday (I get paid mid-month) it feels quite gratifying to look online at my balance 🙂 it has deterred me from making frivolous purchases too, only having a small amount of cash. I can't buy both I have to choose.

Im going to have a look back and see how long its been since my last bet.

Good to see all is well Freda,andas i mentioned in my last post not having your debit card is a great relief (well it is for me),i think lots of people see doing this as a kind of punishment,which it isn't,i still "manage"my money etc,and funds allowing my Wife has never said "no you Can't" have whatever it may be,i'm sure

Mr f will be just the same :).My analogy is if i was a J****E who had quit,i wouldn't walk around with a wrap in my pocket!!!,a debit card is a wrap for a CG.

Seano.

Just wanted to drop by to say hello and well done on keeping on with this fight.

Good idea not carrying your card,every idea can help I rckon.

Take care

love W xx

Thanks guys,

I have been quite a busy bee this week, so just catching up on my diary now.

Today is day 20 and Im glad to report, it is getting a little easier. I still have the strange arguments in my head about why I can't 'just try a pound', but Im winning them all so far 🙂 We are viewing a couple of flats this week, as a couple have gone up for sale in our neighbourhood for the same mortgage payment that we are paying in rent. However, we are prepared to be knocked back if we apply for a mortgage, as even our 15% deposit isnt always enough, in this climate.

As with every opportunity it is worth a shot though.

Have had a nice frugal day, shopping in charity shops! Have got myself a new t-shirt with the tag still attached, a dvd and a makeup bag with tag still attached - all for the princely sum of £3.49! cant be bad 🙂

have read most of your diary, well done you. I like charity shops too . Keep up the good work

Teresa

Thanks for the kind words Freda,i hope you can manage to get a flat you like and a mortgage,.....i would have thought at your age and with a 15% deposit you would be certain to succeed with your application.It's funny isn't it how we can be sensible enough to look for real bargains when we have our sensible heads on,yet throw money away at an alarming rate when the "beast" gets a grip.

Seano :).

Thank you sweetie for your message. No things have been mega chite this year. business is dreadful. My dear sis in law ( I have no brothers and sisters ) has been deserted from her husband that I really looked up to and there is all sorts of rubbish going on. Plus I am being subjected to a clever scam.

Business is very quiet but add all that to a bout of clinical depression, it all adds up to a bag of stress.

Even with my gambling, I was always, well a lot of the time, a decent earner, bills got paid, However getting older, and I will admit we own our own place with a good bit in the bank, the events of this year has made me feel very aware of being older to be honest.

I was always the fighter but I seem to be running out of steam. Just find it all a bit hard at the minute.

All the years, yes with gambling, I still put money away but that has all gone down the drain over the last few years due to the wonderful economy we have.

Still no gambling.

Maybe getting old here but wish I couls do it all over again. xxx

Hi f,

Thanks for the post on my diary it is really appreciated. Well done on 20 days, not long now and you will have racked up a month!

Great to hear that you are looking for a new pad. I hope you find something that suits and well done on the bargains, i'm sure there's a TV show in there somewhere, Freda 'Queen Of Charity Shops'. Watch out Mary!

Stay Strong

Steve

Hi Freda

Thanks for your encouraging post on my diary. Great you are finding it a wee bit easier not to gamble just now.

Ahh, the charity shops - I love them!

Wee story about one my charity shop purchases: I bought a trendy jacket that looked new. So chuffed with it and was proudly wearing it on a night out, glancing in all the mirrors ( as you do) thinking I looked the business. I took it off and hung it over the back of my chair. Soon after a nice young lady in the company pointed out to me that the label was still on it - SUE RYDER £3.99. There for all to see!!! What could I say? Felt pretty embarrased - served me right for walking about so proud!

Anyway, just you make sure you take the labels off and you'll be fine.

keep up the good work - well done on 20 days.

take care,

Lili x